Help Is it weird that I don't care?

[Railick]

Ok Ive been always described as a rather emotionless person by friends and family as well, but until recently where a close friend of mine died it occurred to me that while others are crying and grieving I didn't care. This got me thinking about my family and I think I wouldn't care either (mind you from an objective viewpoint I have great parents) after that my thoughts went on to my own life and I think don't care either if Im alive or not. I have tried cutting myself but after the initial pain I dont care either. Any suggestions?

 

[アホペンギン]

I feel like this too and it has been like so for many years. I have been scolded by many people for not showing any emotion when something bad happens to someone. Even now i don't care about myself; I had a very deep cut recently, I was still cutting deeper despite everyone begging me to stop. I didn't even flinch. I don't understand why people care about anyone at this point in my life, i don't think i ever will, for that matter. Maybe its because I can't empathize after my father ruined my mental health. He'd ignore my complaints and problems so many I developed to not care as well. Unfortunately, I have no advice as I have been also stuck in this situation as you have been. I send you my best regards, I hope you'll change for the better, someday.

 

[dialogos]

Anhedonia? Sometimes when our brain chemistry is off, we can swing from one extreme to another. From little emotion to hyper feelings. Problem is, finding good neurological care is both expensive and hard. If you can get the proper medical help, please do so. many of us aren't fortunate

 

[yellowroses]

I've been there and still really struggle with this. It sounds cheesey, but the thing that helped me work through it was forcing myself to begin taking note of small nice things, at least once a day: like saying to yourself "oh, the sunset is really pretty today", little things. It took literally years of doing this to finally start feeling again, but it worked for me. Although i have to say, it helped me get over it to the extent I was subconsciously blocking myself- I still have trouble with feeling emotionless, but now it's just because of the autism and not depression. I'm sure it depends on the root cause, which is different for everyone.

 

[Railick]

I've been there and still really struggle with this. It sounds cheesey, but the thing that helped me work through it was forcing myself to begin taking note of small nice things, at least once a day: like saying to yourself "oh, the sunset is really pretty today", little things. It took literally years of doing this to finally start feeling again, but it worked for me. Although i have to say, it helped me get over it to the extent I was subconsciously blocking myself- I still have trouble with feeling emotionless, but now it's just because of the autism and not depression. I'm sure it depends on the root cause, which is different for everyone.

Thank you for the suggestion I will try that and see if it helps. Did you write down the little things or how did you do it? For me its not that I dont encounter things that would make others happy it's just that I dont get any emotional feedback.

 

[yellowroses]

Thank you for the suggestion I will try that and see if it helps. Did you write down the little things or how did you do it? For me its not that I dont encounter things that would make others happy it's just that I dont get any emotional feedback.

I didn't write anything down, but that would probably help a lot if you did (trying to journal always ends up screwing me over because i get too invested in everything being perfect and then never actually journal). And I know what you mean- for me, just training my brain to be on the look out for those things helped me to start appreciating them again, eventually. At first I was just acknowledging that stuff, not feeling any kinda way about it, but I think after awhile it kind of gave my brain permission to actually start to enjoy those things, even if it was only a little bit at first. The important thing is to keep doing it even on the really shit days, I've found that's when it helps the most.

 

[FindingHome]

I think it's good that you don't care. I am caring less and less. My end goal is CTB and nothing else matters to me anymore.

 

[Railick]

I feel like this too and it has been like so for many years. I have been scolded by many people for not showing any emotion when something bad happens to someone. Even now i don't care about myself; I had a very deep cut recently, I was still cutting deeper despite everyone begging me to stop. I didn't even flinch. I don't understand why people care about anyone at this point in my life, i don't think i ever will, for that matter. Maybe its because I can't empathize after my father ruined my mental health. He'd ignore my complaints and problems so many I developed to not care as well. Unfortunately, I have no advice as I have been also stuck in this situation as you have been. I send you my best regards, I hope you'll change for the better, someday.

Thanks you too. Ive tried cutting deeper today again but still nothing so I will probably stop doesn't seem worth it.

 

[yellowroses]

Also, important question: does the emotionlessness bother *you*? You talked a lot about other people in your original post, but what's your perspective on it? Asking because even now there are still some emotions I just never "got", and for a long time I felt like there must be something wrong with me because of it, but in the end it was really just society's expectations that were getting to me. If it bothers *you* then by all means, I hope you're able to work through it, but if it doesn't then fuck peoples opinions. Your experience is completely valid as is.

 

[Railick]

I think it's good that you don't care. I am caring less and less. My end goal is CTB and nothing else matters to me anymore.

Can't compare it too anything I've always been like this so don't know if I should find good or bad.

 

[FindingHome]

Can't compare it too anything I've always been like this so don't know if I should find good or bad.

If you are trying to end your life I see it as good thing because when you no longer care about anything it's easier to CTB.

 

[Railick]

Also, important question: does the emotionlessness bother *you*? You talked a lot about other people in your original post, but what's your perspective on it? Asking because even now there are still some emotions I just never "got", and for a long time I felt like there must be something wrong with me because of it, but in the end it was really just society's expectations that were getting to me. If it bothers *you* then by all means, I hope you're able to work through it, but if it doesn't then fuck peoples opinions. Your experience is completely valid as is.

It doesn't bother me. I was just thinking because I got many comments when my friend died and I showed no reaction. I have some curiosity about what its like to actually get emotional feedback for example the amount of times where I've been genuinely angry can be counted with one hand and those things are also years in the past.

If you are trying to end your life I see it as good thing because when you no longer care about anything it's easier to CTB.

I can understand that makes things easier. But it's the same with CTB I wouldn't mind it, but I also wouldn't mind not doing it.

 

[アホペンギン]

Thanks you too. Ive tried cutting deeper today again but still nothing so I will probably stop doesn't seem worth it.

yeah i stopped cutting because i don't feel anything from it anymore. After i did it too much, it stopped doing what it used to do.

 

[dialogos]

Desensitization is part of the mind's coping mechanisms. Its like being in shock, the mind is protecting itself from overwhelming emotions or information or stress, so it turns parts of itself off. Some people even freeze for a minute or two as a physical manifestation. People have been caught doing this on live TV, freezing in place with their faces stuck in one expression for stretches of time.

 

[Railick]

Desensitization is part of the mind's coping mechanisms. Its like being in shock, the mind is protecting itself from overwhelming emotions or information or stress, so it turns parts of itself off. Some people even freeze for a minute or two as a physical manifestation. People have been caught doing this on live TV, freezing in place with their faces stuck in one expression for stretches of time.

If so I don't understand what I am coping with as I don't have any traumatising things happen to me.

 

[dialogos]

If so I don't understand what I am coping with as I don't have any traumatising things happen to me.

Desensitization is also a symptom asides being a coping mechanism. This can be mental or neurological in nature or both. If you can get professional help as in a good neurologist, hormones test and other markers evaluated, please do so. You might be able to nip this in the bud