Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,190
I was made aware yesterday night that my toxic habit of leaving groups (usually in response to emotional instability/overwhelm or being upset at someone) took a toll on my two closest friendships
I want to note than I'm aware I need to work on myself. I need to work and not leaving the min I have a problem. I have to work at being upfront and honest with my fried cause they deserve that honest (as well as myself). That said, I want to move into what hurt me
I found out that, when I had re entered a friend group, that another friend straight up said verbatim (no disrespect to Water-Lily, but I don't want her back here). Even saying that if I leave again, they don't want me back for a while
The reason this fucking hurts is cause I had NO IDEA THEY FELT THIS WAY! Then the friend who informed me said "it's a lot to deal with you and we try but we also have our own problems"
I dunno. I took it all as a big rejection. I cried so fucking hard. I ended up blocking them all
Cause when they had problems I was there for them. I never made them feel bad. I was GLAD to be here. But no, I was the problem
For 3 years. 3 fucking years we spent time. We even roomed at a hotel together. I thought we were cool. And I found out I was never wanted? I was also showed other things they said behind my back about me
It just fucking hurts. I feel like I was lied to for 3 years straight. Of course it's probably not that black and white but it's how I feel
I'm gonna continue to not be around them and keep them blocked. I gotta take care of myself
My question is, do I have the right to be mad when I can be honest about how unhealthy my own behaviors are and how they may have contributed?
I want to note than I'm aware I need to work on myself. I need to work and not leaving the min I have a problem. I have to work at being upfront and honest with my fried cause they deserve that honest (as well as myself). That said, I want to move into what hurt me
I found out that, when I had re entered a friend group, that another friend straight up said verbatim (no disrespect to Water-Lily, but I don't want her back here). Even saying that if I leave again, they don't want me back for a while
The reason this fucking hurts is cause I had NO IDEA THEY FELT THIS WAY! Then the friend who informed me said "it's a lot to deal with you and we try but we also have our own problems"
I dunno. I took it all as a big rejection. I cried so fucking hard. I ended up blocking them all
Cause when they had problems I was there for them. I never made them feel bad. I was GLAD to be here. But no, I was the problem
For 3 years. 3 fucking years we spent time. We even roomed at a hotel together. I thought we were cool. And I found out I was never wanted? I was also showed other things they said behind my back about me
It just fucking hurts. I feel like I was lied to for 3 years straight. Of course it's probably not that black and white but it's how I feel
I'm gonna continue to not be around them and keep them blocked. I gotta take care of myself
My question is, do I have the right to be mad when I can be honest about how unhealthy my own behaviors are and how they may have contributed?
