Help Is it too late ?

[Lara Francis]

I am pro choice and believe it is an individuals choice to live or take their life if things are so difficult,painful and beyond repair.
For those who are not farmilar with my circumstances - I am a widow having lost my husband 2.5 years ago.
He died suddenly leaving our 7 year old son.
I have attempted suicide many times.our son was taken into care and after a 6 month court battle,he is home.
During the last 6 months ,my mind has been totally focused on getting him back but now he is back i am so so tired after the fight and my suicidal thoughts that never really went tbh have massively returned.
It may seem unbelievable when i say i love him so so much but still consider suicide which would leave him an orphan.
I know i am selfish and i hate myself but this does not relieve those thoughts.
I need people to give me a reality check - please say what u want in moderation.
I really need some words that will change my perspective before its too late ! Xx

 

[silentsinger]

I am pro choice and believe it is an individuals choice to live or take their life if things are so difficult,painful and beyond repair.
For those who are not farmilar with my circumstances - I am a widow having lost my husband 2.5 years ago.
He died suddenly leaving our 7 year old son.
I have attempted suicide many times.our son was taken into care and after a 6 month court battle,he is home.
During the last 6 months ,my mind has been totally focused on getting him back but now he is back i am so so tired after the fight and my suicidal thoughts that never really went tbh have massively returned.
It may seem unbelievable when i say i love him so so much but still consider suicide which would leave him an orphan.
I know i am selfish and i hate myself but this does not relieve those thoughts.
I need people to give me a reality check - please say what u want in moderation.
I really need some words that will change my perspective before its too late ! Xx

You definitely are not selfish. You have been through so much, I just cant imagine. You sound a lot stronger than you may realise for yourself. You have something and some qualities to be very proud of xx

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I'm also a mother with the same thoughts.
Both my husband and I are suicidal, and knowing I could decide to leave life behind me any moment I did my best to prevent getting pregnant.
I feel the same guilt looking at my daughter and not being able to stop the thoughts in my head. It's hard ignoring them when they're constantly there, I understand. I understand you may feel like you're failing your child or guilt at knowing your choice would be abandoning him.
I'm glad he's back with you, and I can't imagine how hard and tiring that fight must have been. You're stronger than you believe, and you should be proud of yourself. You may have those thoughts still, they may be worse, but you've done an incredibly difficult thing and it's understandable you feel weakened by it.
I know you love him, I truly believe it. You're not terrible for thinking this way, you're just exhausted from fighting so hard and for so long.
Give yourself a break, mentally and physically. You need both. And don't be so hard on yourself.
I don't think you're a terrible person or mom for the thoughts in your head, nor do I think so for your attempts.
You can't help the way you feel, but if you wish to change it you need to actively find different coping mechanisms and probably seek professional help. There's nothing wrong with saying you're not okay and you need help.

 

[Gray Wounds]

I don't think it's too late. And I also don't think that I am one of those people whom you might get some advice from. But I see that you still have your strength here, your son and the love that is still there. I'm someone who has no love at all for humans not even for those who consider themselves as my family. So I don't know love or just how much you do love your son or just how much he loves you. But I think you really do care for him. My point is, if love really is true to its meaning, then there will be hope for healing and mending. If you haven't tried reaching out for help, you can try doing so. But at the end of the day, the tables are still yours for the turning.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Hi Lara,
I am long time suicidal and am also a parent.
I'm not sure there is much I can say to assuage the conundrum you're dealing with other than that you are not alone.
Feeling the way you feel doesn't make you a bad person.
You have shown the grace and fortitude to win back your son.
Be his mom for just one day at a time if that what it takes.
Vent your spleen here and to those who hold your confidence.
There is a lot of love for you I'm sure and that is in the heart and mind if your little one, you deserve that love.
DBD

 

[interim]

For me, having a child under 18, is probably the only case where I find suicide morally wrong. With your choice, you affect others that are fully dependent on you. Personally, I do not approve bringing children into this world at all, at least if you have awareness what this world is... And it's just another level of lack of responsibility to bring a life, but kill yourself, since you hate it. Sorry for your loss, but I think as a mother, you must try to find strength and continue for your child. You are not a bad person to feel weak and doubt yourself, but you know that you must work on yourself, since you have a reason to live for.