No matter what existence will always be something really bad to me, I see it as an abomination that just causes harm and suffering torturing existing beings until death takes away all anyway. I'll always see existence itself as the ultimate problem as it's the source of all suffering and my wish to die is a result of existence, it's a result of being conscious in this torturous, unnecessary existence there was never a need for at all, I find it such a tragedy how this existence was even imposed, I just find it so dreadful to be burdened with this existence and I find it deeply undesirable to exist in every way possible.
I'd never wish for the suffering of existing rather I just wish and hope to be non-existent incapable of suffering in any way, I'd always prefer to be permanently unconscious than suffer all for the sake of it just waiting to die anyway in this existence I always saw as the most cruel, tragic mistake. The thought of suffering for much longer with no limit as to how unbearable it can get just to face the extreme agony of old age is so horrific to me, I just wish I was never forced into this and I wish there's the option to just simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again, if it's up to me I'd choose to erase my existence.