Discussion is it possible to get better..?

[decayingdoll]

(i hope this isn't triggering ♡)

i do plan on ctb in approximately 2 days, since (this will sound stupid) i have a deadline for a practical file due with over 30 pages and i've not even started. if i don't finish it i'll get a zero, and with my abusive mother, well.. it won't end well. i can't help it.. i've used up all my energy in trying to stay alive. i get that it's not the end of the world... but i feel like i can't face it and it all feels like too much anyway.

thing is, i'm still trying to finish my last year of high school. though i never planned on a future, i think it might be closer than i think now. i'm honestly an average student, i hope to go to college abroad, start a new life, away from my family and this home. but at the same time... i have a feeling i won't live to see it anyway. like it's too unrealistic and i'm being too 'optimistic' all of a sudden. i guess i'm trying to find maybe the tiniest sliver of hope.

my question for the people who are in the process of recovery is just.. does it get better? is it possible to have a future? is there anything at all outside of this mental illness? i feel so conflicted and i just need an honest answer, even if it's just a 'no'. thank you :]

 

[Grav]

I think it is possible if you are comfortable with what "better" feels like to you. For me it's more that I don't feel the need to actively pursue CTB or dwelling on it. Very few "hey it's great!" days but mostly just getting through without a nosedive. There are times when life is fun or "good" but I don't stay that way. Some people may only see better as perfect and that usually isn't achievable. If you can reach a state where you're accepting of how things are at least, and maybe improve, then that can be better enough. I never wanted to study abroad so never looked at it, but if that's something you really want to do, see what you need to do to get there. It may be the break from your current life that starts your path in a new direction.

 

[decayingdoll]

thank you for your response ! i guess i should look into studying abroad, it's my only dream / hope anyway. but planning a future when you're already planning to ctb just feels pretty scary for me haha. like i'm planning something that 'won't happen anyway'... i dream of 'living' rather than existing too, i think that's a nice aspiration :) but either way i think i'll sit on it and take my time to see which path works better for me.

if it's recovery, then amazing.. if it's ctb, at least i'll have found my peace. ♡

I think it is possible if you are comfortable with what "better" feels like to you. For me it's more that I don't feel the need to actively pursue CTB or dwelling on it. Very few "hey it's great!" days but mostly just getting through without a nosedive. There are times when life is fun or "good" but I don't stay that way. Some people may only see better as perfect and that usually isn't achievable. If you can reach a state where you're accepting of how things are at least, and maybe improve, then that can be better enough. I never wanted to study abroad so never looked at it, but if that's something you really want to do, see what you need to do to get there. It may be the break from your current life that starts your path in a new direction.

 

[MyShadow]

High School is not real life. Far from it. Your life will be determined by what you do AFTER you get out of high school. It won't be easy but please don't end your life before it even starts.

Just remember that you matter. Somewhere, you matter to someone and they need you around.

 

[decayingdoll]

High School is not real life. Far from it. Your life will be determined by what you do AFTER you get out of high school. It won't be easy but please don't end your life before it even starts.

Just remember that you matter. Somewhere, you matter to someone and they need you around.

thank you.. you're right, though it feels hard to think beyond just high school rn but i hope that i can maybe survive long enough to start actually living </3
you take care though :)

 

[MyShadow]

thank you.. you're right, though it feels hard to think beyond just high school rn but i hope that i can maybe survive long enough to start actually living </3
you take care though :)

I hope that you don't think I am oversimplifying your situation, because in the moment I understand that things are difficult. Personally speaking, I absolutely HATED high school and it's a miracle that I graduate

I just know that life started to make a lot more sense afterward. I wish you peace, love and luck in that journey.