Crash_Bash_Dash
Nothing what I used to be
- Apr 23, 2024
- 66
After spending the week and a half almost entirely as shut-in and mostly in bed, I finally made myself to take a shower (I was without shower for like a week), took care of the dishes, vacuumed a little and made proper food (well, I have been without food or eaten improperly for all this time). I even went outside to pick-up some groceries from my local grocery store.
During my way there I thought constatly and during those chores too sometimes that is this proper attempt to make my daily life even a bit better even worth it because in back of my skull, there is always looming a constant, persistent feeling that this is going to end someday in the near future anyway and it makes me feel that everything that I do, I don't do in full throttle but with an half of a mind-power. I would really like to enjoy the moments when I am not focusing on ending it all but the severe and steadfast thought of suicide penetretates my mind like a sharp arrow when my brain operates on/thinks of something. I have somewhat thought before that people would typically live to their fullest in their final days before suicide takes a place. Is this the case or not?
During my way there I thought constatly and during those chores too sometimes that is this proper attempt to make my daily life even a bit better even worth it because in back of my skull, there is always looming a constant, persistent feeling that this is going to end someday in the near future anyway and it makes me feel that everything that I do, I don't do in full throttle but with an half of a mind-power. I would really like to enjoy the moments when I am not focusing on ending it all but the severe and steadfast thought of suicide penetretates my mind like a sharp arrow when my brain operates on/thinks of something. I have somewhat thought before that people would typically live to their fullest in their final days before suicide takes a place. Is this the case or not?