Is it possible to change sexual orientation?

[Parnate]

I am a gay man and I know this sounds stupid . I have read all over and it says you can't really change your orientation. But I want to .
lately I have these sporadic moments when I feel genuinely attracted to women and their bodies. But it doesn't last. It comes and goes.
Is there way to change my orientation or atleast be attracted to women?

 

[itsgone2]

Maybe it just is changing? I have no authority on this topic. But if you feel genuine attraction at times, that's interesting.

 

[Downdraft]

There probably is. It isn't new to heard about sexuality changes in favor of bisexuality. It obviously develops when seeing something you hadn't seen before and discover you really like, be it aesthetic or unique sexual intercourse you can't get in the other gender, so explore your options. Maybe you were actually bisexual with strong male preference.

Anyway, if you feel those moments of really strong attraction, try it with a girl. At worst, you'll won't like it, and you'll just move on. Be extra careful of pregnancy risk though.

 

[Whale_bones]

It's not possible to change your sexuality purposely, no. But for many people, sexuality is fluid and can change over the course of a lifetime. For others, it stays the same from the beginning to the end. It does sound like you're coming from a place of wanting your sexuality to change, and as much as I understand that, it's better to accept yourself as you are because wanting something won't make it true.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I am a gay man and I know this sounds stupid . I have read all over and it says you can't really change your orientation. But I want to .
lately I have these sporadic moments when I feel genuinely attracted to women and their bodies. But it doesn't last. It comes and goes.
Is there way to change my orientation or atleast be attracted to women?

Judging by how you described you are feeling, you are not gay. You are a bisexual, a person that is attracted to both males and females. There is nothing wrong with that. It's how you were born, there is no way you can change that. The more you fight it the worse it will be. The sooner you accept yourself as a bisexual man, the better will be for you.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

I am a gay man and I know this sounds stupid . I have read all over and it says you can't really change your orientation.

As other people said, not purposefully, no.
But sexuality is usually fluid, so who knows maybe you'll find some girl or woman you might wanna be with. Fuck around (with protection) and find out.

Also remember, labels are just descriptors. You don't have to pick a label or stay committed to one if you don't think it fits you.

 

[TheHolySword]

No. Go out there and experiment. Find out what you like and what you don't like.

 

[ABadPerson]

No, but it's possible to mislabel it, and it can fluctuate; discovering yourself is far more than sticking to one label and believing that is strictly what you should be attracted to.

Personally, I don't really like labelling my own sexuality, as it depends on the person as a whole rather than specific gender-normative traits; and pansexual doesn't seem to describe it well either. In the end, you like what you like.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Judging by how you described you are feeling, you are not gay. You are a bisexual, a person that is attracted to both males and females. There is nothing wrong with that. It's how you were born, there is no way you can change that. The more you fight it the worse it will be. The sooner you accept yourself as a bisexual man, the better will be for you.

I think I should add that just because a gay guy feels a "sporadic attraction to women," doesn't automatically make him bi. Compulsory heterosexuality is a real problem, especially for those who really want to not be gay.

I convinced myself I was sexually attracted to women too for a while. Took me a bit to realize that the feelings were a mixture of "wanting to feel more normal," misidentifying aesthetic & platonic attractions, and being into feminine guys.

For the latter, I tried imagining the feminine things that "attracted me to women" on a man, and it became pretty clear pretty fast that I was not in fact into women.

 

[heywey]

In general I would say no. As others have said learning to accept yourself as you are is almost certainly the healthiest option. But when it comes matters of sexuality I think the answer always comes down to the individual -- nobody can say what's best for you besides yourself.

I don't know where OP is from but in many places homosexuality is heavily stigmatized, if not outright illegal. Having a gay relationship might just not be an option; in which case, learning to expand one's natural inclinations might be the only alternative to being alone.

The core of one's sexuality doesn't shift very easily; chances are you'll always be primarily gay. But I do think the fringes can be malleable to some degree, depending on the person. So to OP: if there's no alternative, perhaps try regular exposure to the parts of your sexuality you'd like to see grow. Look for a pattern in your sporadic attraction -- maybe you're attracted to a specific body type or personality, or maybe it could even be something hormonal (I've noticed my own gender preferences vary somewhat with diet and exercise). Not forcing yourself to feel anything you don't, or forcing yourself to not feel things you do, just fostering parts that are already there.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I don't know where OP is from but in many places homosexuality is heavily stigmatized, if not outright illegal. Having a gay relationship might just not be an option; in which case, learning to expand one's natural inclinations might be the only alternative to being alone.

Maybe I'm empathizing more with the potential woman here, but it's not a human right to have a sexual or romantic relationship, so if this person does choose to explore potential attraction to women, I really hope they do the full exploration before dating anyone. No need to break hearts.

 

[Downdraft]

I think I should add that just because a gay guy feels a "sporadic attraction to women," doesn't automatically make him bi. Compulsory heterosexuality is a real problem, especially for those who really want to not be gay.

I convinced myself I was sexually attracted to women too for a while. Took me a bit to realize that the feelings were a mixture of "wanting to feel more normal," misidentifying aesthetic & platonic attractions, and being into feminine guys.

For the latter, I tried imagining the feminine things that "attracted me to women" on a man, and it became pretty clear pretty fast that I was not in fact into women.

I had the complete opposite experience.

Men repulsed me, but I didn't particularly care about sex then. If I wanted to share with someone, you're looking for some traits that make it possible. Since none of them are inherently male or female based, it doesn't really matter to be woth one or other, and accepting this I turned bi. Then the sexual aspects of men became attractive.

Almost nobody else has or wants to have those preferences, so this does not apply to almost the entire rest of the world. And most people mainly care about just the sex, with any bond usually resulting as an afterthought.

You could say I was bi before, I can assure I was absolutely not...

 

[Dejected 55]

I'm going to say something controversial here... Yes, I think you can. But here's the context...

I think we are born with some natural attractions. Either same or different or bi- in terms of sexual attraction. I think society and our nurturing environment at home will then show us examples of different kinds of sexual attraction and that will shape us too. As in... if you are naturally heterosexual and see positive examples of heterosexual relationships that might tend to confirm your natural inclination. Similarly, if you are naturally homosexual and see positive examples of homosexual relationships that might tend to confirm as well. Just as many homosexual people are discouraged can make them have difficulties accepting their own orientation.

So... all that is about what we are born with and shown by society.

But... I think you can change too. You might be born homosexual and at some point decide you have an interest in the opposite sex... and I don't think that should be discouraged or shunned any more than you should be shamed for being homosexual. IF you are having the feelings internally or attracted to someone you like and it isn't outside pressure to be "normal" or whatever... I think it's fine to explore adult relationships with another consenting adult and see how it works for you. As some said, you might find you are bi-sexual... or you might find your "tastes" change over time.

I also think... a person can be born heterosexual and maybe one day meets a really special person of the same sex and feels a connection there and could potentially be interested in physical intimacy with that person. Again, if it's real and internal to you, and you aren't being externally pressured... I think it's fine to consider and explore if that is what you want to do.

We do tend to want to label people and put them into neat boxes and make sure they always stay in those boxes forever once we put them there... but that's not always how life works.

 

[Whale_bones]

I think we are born with some natural attractions. Either same or different or bi- in terms of sexual attraction. I think society and our nurturing environment at home will then show us examples of different kinds of sexual attraction and that will shape us too. As in... if you are naturally heterosexual and see positive examples of heterosexual relationships that might tend to confirm your natural inclination. Similarly, if you are naturally homosexual and see positive examples of homosexual relationships that might tend to confirm as well.

I think this used to be a common theory, but current research shows that social factors don't change sexual orientation. Orientation is what you innately feel and experience, so that's different from expression (things like who you choose to date/pursue).

The only known environmental factors happen before the person is born, and have to do with things like prenatal hormone levels ("Much of the known environmental influence appears to be intra-uterine and there is no currently convincing evidence that social environment plays a significant part." link)

But... I think you can change too. You might be born homosexual and at some point decide you have an interest in the opposite sex... and I don't think that should be discouraged or shunned any more than you should be shamed for being homosexual. IF you are having the feelings internally or attracted to someone you like and it isn't outside pressure to be "normal" or whatever... I think it's fine to explore adult relationships with another consenting adult and see how it works for you. As some said, you might find you are bi-sexual... or you might find your "tastes" change over time.

I think here you are also talking about sexual expression rather than orientation; we can choose who we experiment with, who we date, etc. But the desire and interest being there in the first place is a matter of sexual orientation, which can't be chosen or changed on purpose. But I agree that no one should have to fit into a box, and those whose orientation naturally shifts/changes throughout their life are just as valid as everyone else!