Discussion Is it ok to rejoice in abusers demise?

[LivingANDDying26]

Would love to start a lil convo on that..

I am rn experiencing my dream of habitual stability.

My mother was my main abuser but my whole family are not doing well.

She is currently living with my grandma who acts exactly like her and she doesn't like her. Her family rejects her hardcore.

She constantly activetly absued me and tried to prevent my life and progress.

So i am fucking rejoicing in tb6e fact that shes living her nightmare whole Im starting my dream.

I got this place bc of their abuse too. Had to submit pictures and shit.

Finally something in life feels fucking right.

I dont really beleive in karma but if there ever was SHE GOT IT. HAHAAAA.

Tried to destroy everything I had and I got away. Not unscathed but still...

Anyway...

Do you rejoice in your abusers demise?
What do u think of it?

Al) opinons welcome as this is obviously a personal thing. No judgment from me

 

[Life_and_Death]

i think the abuse your mother got from her mother explains the abuse you were getting

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Never been abused, idk. You decide what's "ok" for you, of course. My personal morality/feelings about it is that it's totally ok.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Yup. Perfectly normal. Treat yourself to something nice and celebrate.

 

[GarageKarate07]

Would love to start a lil convo on that..

I am rn experiencing my dream of habitual stability.

My mother was my main abuser but my whole family are not doing well.

She is currently living with my grandma who acts exactly like her and she doesn't like her. Her family rejects her hardcore.

She constantly activetly absued me and tried to prevent my life and progress.

So i am fucking rejoicing in tb6e fact that shes living her nightmare whole Im starting my dream.

I got this place bc of their abuse too. Had to submit pictures and shit.

Finally something in life feels fucking right.

I dont really beleive in karma but if there ever was SHE GOT IT. HAHAAAA.

Tried to destroy everything I had and I got away. Not unscathed but still...

Anyway...

Do you rejoice in your abusers demise?
What do u think of it?

Al) opinons welcome as this is obviously a personal thing. No judgment from me

My step father was a big part of my childhood abuse. He was a weak and ignorant man and took out his worldly problems on be but not his own children. He finally passed away and I felt bad that a family member died but I was glad he was gone. I cried because I got no closure from his passing. I only got closure in my thoughts as to who fucked him up first and how he can finally rest from his own pains. Very mixed feelings. Its hard to describe.

 

[ihatemen420]

i think the abuse your mother got from her mother explains the abuse you were getting

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

("This Be The Verse" by Philip Larkin. Emphasis mine)

 

[bruisedtorso]

Would love to start a lil convo on that..

I am rn experiencing my dream of habitual stability.

My mother was my main abuser but my whole family are not doing well.

She is currently living with my grandma who acts exactly like her and she doesn't like her. Her family rejects her hardcore.

She constantly activetly absued me and tried to prevent my life and progress.

So i am fucking rejoicing in tb6e fact that shes living her nightmare whole Im starting my dream.

I got this place bc of their abuse too. Had to submit pictures and shit.

Finally something in life feels fucking right.

I dont really beleive in karma but if there ever was SHE GOT IT. HAHAAAA.

Tried to destroy everything I had and I got away. Not unscathed but still...

Anyway...

Do you rejoice in your abusers demise?
What do u think of it?

Al) opinons welcome as this is obviously a personal thing. No judgment from me

I think it's more than okay, why should they get to break you as an individual and get away with it? Why does the victim always have to be the "bigger person", it annoys me so much. If my abuser dropped dead tomorrow, i would piss on their grave!

 

[mirko]

I'd call it Karma, indeed.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Yes. You are entitled to feel any way that you want in regards to being a victim of abuse. When an abuser hurts someone else their victims are not obligated to forgive the act or their attackers, and they do not have to give the abuser(s) another chance either. On the other hand forgiveness is advised by some individuals because it can help you to move on and not suffer from recollecting painful memories of said abuse, but again: this is a personal choice and it does not make you a worse person regardless of what outlook or response you choose. Remember: you are the victim not the perpetrator; you have the high-ground - like Obi-Wan Kenobi. They are not in the position to be making demands.

To answer your 2nd question: personally I am willing to forgive abuse (to an extent) on the condition that the person who has hurt me is sorry and shows genuine remorse, and puts in an effort to make amends. But if they are not sorry about what they have done, and employ a usual dismissive remark like "Just let bygones be bygones" then I will not let go. I have the mindset that forgiveness works both ways, so if a bully/abuser has a choice of whether or not to take responsibility for their actions then I, too, have a choice on whether or not to forgive.

I think it's more than okay, why should they get to break you as an individual and get away with it? Why does the victim always have to be the "bigger person", it annoys me so much. If my abuser dropped dead tomorrow, i would piss on their grave!

That is because in some situations (though not all) that phrase is muttered by those that have hurt you, or at least the same type of individual that does not care about your welfare, and could potentially take advantage of you. This phrase can be used to make the victim submit.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

To the man who beat me, strangled me, tried to kill me and almost succeeded...who went to prison for what he did (sentenced to 3-5 years, served 90 days)...who remarried and lived happily ever after...who confessed to his church and was "forgiven"...I have news for you. I will NEVER forgive you! You are 80 years old now, I am 70 and pretty healthy. I watch the obituaries for your name. I will celebrate when you die, especially if it is a slow and painful death. I may even attend your funeral service and if they offer attendees the chance to get up and "say a few words", I will certainly do that. And I will not only piss on your grave, I will smear your marker with my shit. I will bag my and my dog's crap and at least once a week, dump it on your grave. And anything else I can think of!

 

[Life_and_Death]

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

("This Be The Verse" by Philip Larkin. Emphasis mine)

(wow I love the notifs of this place. I JUST got notified of this and I was in here yesterday reading the other comments lol.)

As someone that's gone through abuse is have to agree with you. Not in all cases but there certainly seems to be a few. Of course it never hurts the individual to take charge of their own life, realize what they other person did was wrong and change their ways to be a better person then yesterday.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Yeah its actually hilarious how she can't see that but maybe she will now.

But tbh she'd always come home to complain about how her mother is while acting just like her...

Sadly everyone has a different perspective and opinion of a single person and that doesn't change internally. Much like how everyone sees them they also see themselves their own way and not being on the outside it can be even more difficult to see what you're actually doing to others and sometimes one isn't open-minded or accepting enough to see what others see in them. I'm sorry you're going through that. I hope she can open her eyes to see what she's doing

 

[LivingANDDying26]

Sadly everyone has a different perspective and opinion of a single person and that doesn't change internally. Much like how everyone sees them they also see themselves their own way and not being on the outside it can be even more difficult to see what you're actually doing to others and sometimes one isn't open-minded or accepting enough to see what others see in them. I'm sorry you're going through that. I hope she can open her eyes to see what she's doing

Shes a lost cause tbh... she thinks we hate her for no reason... like the delusion is wow.

I didn't wanna harp jus on my situation butttttt yeah. We are done. She didnt even tell me on purpose or whatever that she was at my grandmas for months and my family as usual kept it a secret which i dont care about but like nothing I went through was a secret... ugh so over them.


I don't talk to anyone but my dad for finances. Last yr of him doing my taxes too if I can help it.

 

[summers]

@whatevertryinmeans23 if your mother mistreated you, I don't think there is anything wrong in being happy that she is in a bad way now. It always feels good to see karma at work.

 

[botanormal]

I'm really happy to hear you're finally able to experience stability, I'm sure that it's a really freeing feeling to be away from the abusers that hurt you so terribly. As for the question, I absolutely think it's okay. They put you through such a horrible situation, which I'm sure effected your life in many ways, and has no doubt left you with a lot of trauma. Why should you afford any empathy to their situation?

My dad was abusive to me when I was a child. Luckily I stopped seeing him when I was about 11, but the trauma he has left me is still something I will have to carry for the rest of my life. Ever since we lost contact, I've heard his life has gone downhill significantly. The only friend he had died a few years ago, he cut himself off from family, fell into a major depression, and struggles to keep employment. When I first heard about how badly his life was going, I started to feel very bad for him, I almost wanted to reach out and show support. Then, I saw some of his recent (at the time) conversations with my mother via email, where he continued to talk poorly about my sister & I and show no responsibility for the abuse he had put us through. There I was, worrying about how he was feeling, when he still showed no empathy to the pain he had caused me! So when I was younger, I certainly did rejoice in the fact he was going through shit, although now I don't really care much either way. But, there's really no problem in celebrating the misery of those who have wronged us, to hell with being the 'bigger person'. Especially considering both of our abusers were parents - it's completely their responsibility to be the mature & forgiving ones, not ours!

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Women beaters rapists peadophiles grasses,Kill them all, l mean who's gonna care! I can tell you how to dispose of the remains permanently if you like? PM me if you need to?

 

[LivingANDDying26]

@whatevertryinmeans23 if your mother mistreated you, I don't think there is anything wrong in being happy that she is in a bad way now. It always feels good to see karma at work.

Yeahh personally im not wondering about it in the general sense ik im valid but I guess I question it for my mental health like what's best for me. It def helps to hear others experience... i wanted to hear other peoples personal opinion tbh

I feel wrong texting her to brag but I know I'll never get closure. This is my only way to let it out and hopefully talking eoth other supports eventually to get ideas on how to further my healing...

I'm really happy to hear you're finally able to experience stability, I'm sure that it's a really freeing feeling to be away from the abusers that hurt you so terribly. As for the question, I absolutely think it's okay. They put you through such a horrible situation, which I'm sure effected your life in many ways, and has no doubt left you with a lot of trauma. Why should you afford any empathy to their situation?

My dad was abusive to me when I was a child. Luckily I stopped seeing him when I was about 11, but the trauma he has left me is still something I will have to carry for the rest of my life. Ever since we lost contact, I've heard his life has gone downhill significantly. The only friend he had died a few years ago, he cut himself off from family, fell into a major depression, and struggles to keep employment. When I first heard about how badly his life was going, I started to feel very bad for him, I almost wanted to reach out and show support. Then, I saw some of his recent (at the time) conversations with my mother via email, where he continued to talk poorly about my sister & I and show no responsibility for the abuse he had put us through. There I was, worrying about how he was feeling, when he still showed no empathy to the pain he had caused me! So when I was younger, I certainly did rejoice in the fact he was going through shit, although now I don't really care much either way. But, there's really no problem in celebrating the misery of those who have wronged us, to hell with being the 'bigger person'. Especially considering both of our abusers were parents - it's completely their responsibility to be the mature & forgiving ones, not ours!

Wow that was a word!!. im happy to hear you are away from him and im sorry you experienced abuse as well.

I am a very compassionate and empathetic person. I used to feel soo bad for my mom. That guilt i felt allowed a lot of abuse though. Even last yr that led to financial verbal etc abuse...
Soo the bitterness I carry has to go somewhere.

I am more ashamed of allowing the abuse to happen than I am of feeling eejoice for her demise.

Women beaters rapists peadophiles grasses,Kill them all, l mean who's gonna care! I can tell you how to dispose of the remains permanently if you like? PM me if you need to?

Gurlll(gender neutral) Im not looking to kill anyone or catch a charge...

I jus wanna get of the remaining shit they left INSIDE of me lol

 

[woknows]

I think that your feelings are natural. Anyone saying otherwise has simply not experienced abuse on such a level. I suppose in the end it is best to let it go for our own sake. Because you do not want these feelings poisoning your soul forever. I am done with my father. He is simply evil, corrupt man and I do not want him in my life.

From your writing, it seems that your mother has suffered similar abuse at the hands of her parents. It does not excuse her actions, but it might make it easier for you to understand that she was a victim in her childhood too. I am not sure. It does not help me. At least not yet.

I am not sure how can you get better after such abuse. I wish I did. But I think you made the first step by getting away her.

 

[Mentalmick]

Absolutely it's okay. I hope my father is in all kinds of hell at the moment and if not I would happily put him there without giving it a second thought.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

I think that your feelings are natural. Anyone saying otherwise has simply not experienced abuse on such a level. I suppose in the end it is best to let it go for our own sake. Because you do not want these feelings poisoning your soul forever. I am done with my father. He is simply evil, a corrupt man and I do not want him in my life.

From your writing, it seems that your mother has suffered similar abuse at the hands of her parents. It does not excuse her actions, but it might make it easier for you to understand that she was a victim in her childhood too. I am not sure. It does not help me. At least not yet.

I am not sure how can you get better after such abuse. I wish I did. But I think you made the first step by getting away from her.

I am very... empathetic. While I laugh at the irony of her feelings I see how things affected her.

I had a whole post I was gonna write the other day and probably still will but it was outlining my realizations of where the abuse comes from.

Honestly, it doesn't help to understand. It's just who I am...(imo) being empathetic is being able to be at someone's level or being understanding that. I can be both. It's a gift snd a burden.

I am hoping to meet with someone professionally. Trustworthy. Genuine.. and help me figure this out bc.. I've done all my work alone but I am missing some things. I know that. As humans, we aren't meant to be alone...

I am sorry to hear you have experienced it as well. I am not sure how we are supposed to get better after abusing of any kind...

I think it's personal. The system doesn't lean to that and it's hard to heal with others. It's hard to heal alone as well.

I think... for now... ima keep trying.. ima let it out and let it go. Being able to express my feelings to her and not have my world destroyed is powerful for me.

I hope you find some healing as well. (I hope anyone that crossed this thread finds some healing. We ALL deserve it.)

 

[woknows]

Thank you. It has been very hard for me too. I feel cheated for what life should have been like.

Do read information about narcissistic parents, family dynamics in such families and how does it affect their children. I am sure there is information on how to get better too. Reading about it has helped me understand some things better. I am sure it will give you better insight into your situation too. I wish someone had explained this part to me sooner.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

Thank you. It has been very hard for me too. I feel cheated for what life should have been like.

Do read information about narcissistic parents, family dynamics in such families and how does it affect their children. I am sure there is information on how to get better too. Reading about it has helped me understand some things better. I am sure it will give you better insight into your situation too. I wish someone had explained this part to me sooner.

Right!?!? I feel fuckin robbed of so many things. It's like... people that haven't been through it don't understand whats it like to havr to reclaim th3 basic things I should've been gicen as a child.. as an adult...

But regardless let us reclaim them!!!

I am young (early 20's) so its "easier" in a semse but still very hard. I am part of the internet age but also part of that last 90's kid where i was all still so new. So I can only imagine how much harder it is for anyone older. And younger. This world is confusing in both ways.

I've done some reading about all of that. I dind it helpful and Im trying to find more culturally and otherwise informed stuff (as a black queer women) but i agree its helpful.

 

[CatabolicSeed]

Hell yes, fuck all abusers

 

[loopylou]

My mum abused me. When she was diagnosed with terminal illness she changed into this loving person I never knew before. She only lives another year but that year was like I had my mum back. When she passed I was devastated

 

[nasblue]

i think the abuse your mother got from her mother explains the abuse you were getting

Explains yes, justifies no.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Explains yes, justifies no.

I never said it justifies it

 

[Rolliewoo]

I feel like this is a normal feeling to be experiencing because by the sounds of it your mam hasn't shown you any remorse for her actions, she doesn't step up like you need her too and be there for you, that probably makes you feel like you want her to suffer.

If she showed you she was sorry, maybe you'd feel differently!?

Its hard to not take it personally but her actions are no reflection on you, only herself.....and by the sounds of it....her own poor upbringing and she knows no different. That doesn't justify her behaviour though :(

 

[TotallyIsolated]

YES

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

I think that your feelings are natural. Anyone saying otherwise has simply not experienced abuse on such a level. I suppose in the end it is best to let it go for our own sake. Because you do not want these feelings poisoning your soul forever. I am done with my father. He is simply evil, corrupt man and I do not want him in my life.

From your writing, it seems that your mother has suffered similar abuse at the hands of her parents. It does not excuse her actions, but it might make it easier for you to understand that she was a victim in her childhood too. I am not sure. It does not help me. At least not yet.

I am not sure how can you get better after such abuse. I wish I did. But I think you made the first step by getting away her.

Eventually you have to let it go for your own life to progress even though its very situational but yeah some people are purely evil and can never change.

 

[Water-Lily]

My mom died from cancer. Thats her karma

My mum abused me. When she was diagnosed with terminal illness she changed into this loving person I never knew before. She only lives another year but that year was like I had my mum back. When she passed I was devastated

I can relate. When my mom was dying of cancer she acted loving. I wish she was this way when she was alive

i think the abuse your mother got from her mother explains the abuse you were getting

Reminds me of my mom and grandma. Though my mom has since passed, my grandma was an abuser to her. Beating her and convincing her to bleach her skin. Growing up I remember my mom wishing death no my grandmother