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ugh, it is complicated, like, I already have SN and all but it is still kind of scary to actually accept you will no longer be there. Maybe because w were always taught to live even when you don't want to
I have got SN, I've got a plan, and I'm collecting the right substances for the method. Idk if that means its thoughts or ideation or whatever. I'm not thrilled to die emotionally, but mentally I know I have to. Sometimes it is reassuring, when I'm crying I start to smile when I remember my plan for ending my life in a couple of weeks; it soothes my emotional pain.
Very normal, I am not afraid of dying/death per say but I am afraid of being found too early and waking up in a hospital bed. I have SN as well and NEED it to be successful because I've been through far too much in this life and I can't go through with it much longer. I also have fears related to those I love who I will leave behind and that is probably the worst part of it all.
I thought I was dead and in another dimension on ketamine.
Oh, that's interesting. I've never tried ketamine before. I heard that there are cases of people peeing blood because of it. Do you see things, like fractal patterns, when on it or does that only apply to classical psychedelics? I'm probably going to buy a whole bunch of Penis Envy and try doing it sometime during winter break.
Yes I saw shapes and I felt like I was apart of everyone that we were all one and no sense of self like an ego death I would think I was in my bedroom but really I was at the ketamine clinic and then other times I thought I was space and kept thinking ok im dead this isnt scary or beautiful just very bizzare. Penis envy is very strong , Ive only microdosed it and it made me emotional brings the trauma to the surface
Ketamine and psychedelics are very different, ketamine is more dissociative. It puts you in a place, a state of being where you're able to extricate yourself from all the stresses that come from living, from life. I would find myself in a warm emptiness, words stop making sense, everything feels meta, everything kinda disintegrates but not in a scary way. I would sometimes wonder if i could make myself stop breathing as the sense of time is warped, felt like a warm death. Whereas shrooms tend to make you feel more connected to whatever environment you're in and you're state of mind can affect your trip more.
Ketamine is technically considered to be a non-classical psychedelic, meaning that derives its effects through different mechanisms instead of coming primarily through acting on the 5-TH2 receptors. It's also categorized as a dissociative.
Oh, that's interesting.
As the saying goes, you'll never forget the first time you do MDMA. I didn't like the low, the hangover that tends to come with it (serotonin depletion). But everything felt good, warm and fuzzy. Great for a night out dancing.
I've also cried my eyes out especially when I first started ketamine treatments. And many times also felt love during that ego death like state. A very unconditional, like love is all that matters kind of feeling which was wonderful. Unfortunately it doesn't work like it used to anymore. Which is what I've heard from other people who've done the treatment. I don't know if it's a tolerance thing or what. I really pushed the dosage too but alas much less effective. But I would recommend trying the treatment to anyone who hasn't done it before.
