is it kinder to distance yourself from your partner before ctb?

[lna_]

i want to ctb but the only thing holding me back is the impact it will have on my partner. i have no family at least but i think my partner will be devastated. is it kinder to break up with him beforehand? i've become really good at masking my depression and i dont think anyone will be expecting this. I'm not sure if I should start opening up a bit about how difficult things have been so it doesnt come out of the blue as much or if it is better not to so that he doesnt start to think that there was anything he couldve done.

 

[strawb12]

Yes you should definitely distance yourself first. It's extremely unfair to your partner if you try to ctb while still together or still really close & can be really traumatizing. & I agree that you don't want him to think that there was something he could have done but I'm also not sure opening up about your problems & how your feeling would really do very much to show that, but I don't know your guys relationship. At the end of the day you'll know best.

 

[Worndown]

If you do ctb, please leave a nice note telling him why you had to go. You cannot lessen the shock but you can allow him to heal.

 

[Linda]

i want to ctb but the only thing holding me back is the impact it will have on my partner. i have no family at least but i think my partner will be devastated. is it kinder to break up with him beforehand? i've become really good at masking my depression and i dont think anyone will be expecting this. I'm not sure if I should start opening up a bit about how difficult things have been so it doesnt come out of the blue as much or if it is better not to so that he doesnt start to think that there was anything he couldve done.

Have you considered discussing with your partner what you intend to do? Whether or not that's a good idea depends very much on the kind of person you partner is, and I don't know that, but you do.

 

[hahayeaj]

i want to ctb but the only thing holding me back is the impact it will have on my partner. i have no family at least but i think my partner will be devastated. is it kinder to break up with him beforehand? i've become really good at masking my depression and i dont think anyone will be expecting this. I'm not sure if I should start opening up a bit about how difficult things have been so it doesnt come out of the blue as much or if it is better not to so that he doesnt start to think that there was anything he couldve done.

I would say it is kinder to distance yourself, but if you are to break up I would say do it in the kindest way possible. Letting them know before hand in a few subtle ways to know they're not responsible for any of it. It's going to hurt them no matter what, deeply, I know this first hand. But it'll give them space to grow again

 

[FuneralCry]

I would see distancing as being better but I wouldn't see it as being for the best opening up about wanting to die/plans to leave as it could potentially just cause the other person to interfere as sadly so many in this world are against the right to die.