Is it immoral for me to post here

[Charmander07]

Essentially, a while ago my ex told me about a suicide website and I searched for one and found this. I unfortunately found her account and she knows my account and we both struggle with mental health slightly. We both promised to not look at each others posts but tbh her promises don't mean much, however I believe she thinks the website got put down permanently so I don't even think she's on here anymore.

She keeps saying it's immoral to post here, as I 'stole her safe space' so eventually I gave in out of respect and moved to Reddit but there's only so much I can post on there especially as it's not very annonymus. However, we have both moved on and are both doing a lot better now, however I still feel like I have the odd issue I want to post and don't really know where to post it as I don't like posting certain things on Reddit.

I was talking to my new partner about this tho and she says it's not wrong for me to post on here, especially as how little respect my ex had for me. As long as I'm not stalking my ex, or talking about my ex (besides this post), there is no problem with me posting essentially on the only place you can vent like this. Better yet, we have both found new people so she shouldnt be involved or care about what I'm doing, if she chooses to click on my post, that's on her not on me.

I don't hate my ex or anything, despite how much we went through and how much she used to hurt me, I forgive her and want to respect her boundaries. However, if she lied to me for years and doesn't even respect me, why should I purposely restrict myself to websites that I can't fully express everything, especially since I'm not gonna post about her or anything. Literally the only time I think about her is worrying abt her seeing my posts.

Should I stay off here or is there anything your recommend (P.S she doesn't want me to make a new account as she might end up replying to me)

 

[aufrechtm7]

Definitely not immoral

 

[violetforever]

every post i see of yours is about your ex and using this website. i think you should just keep using it as you are lol.

 

[Charmander07]

Definitely not immoral

Are you sure, she was very adamant on the fact that it's insane that I use it, since she told me about it. Technically I found the website wanna put it out there but yeah, we both don't even think abt each other anymore. The last time I thought abt her besides worrying about her seeing my posts was when I bought her Minecraft so she could play with her new bf…. (Don't think of me as pathetic , it was a thank you for letting me use her Xbox acc for online)

every post i see of yours is about your ex and using this website. i think you should just keep using it as you are lol.

I've stopped posting about her now, every post I make recently about her, I post that on Reddit. However, more personal and important things that's what I wanna use this for

 

[aufrechtm7]

Are you sure, she was very adamant on the fact that it's insane that I use it, since she told me about it. Technically I found the website wanna put it out there but yeah, we both don't even think abt each other anymore. The last time I thought abt her besides worrying about her seeing my posts was when I bought her Minecraft so she could play with her new bf…. (Don't think of me as pathetic , it was a thank you for letting me use her Xbox acc for online)

It's a public forum, your ex can't just go around claiming certain places as safe spaces. That's just being controlling and manipulative.

 

[wine is fine but]

but yeah, we both don't even think abt each other anymore

you seem to be thinking of her all of the time

perhaps it is wrong, because you seem to be still attached to her

 

[Charmander07]

It's a public forum, your ex can't just go around claiming certain places as safe spaces. That's just being controlling and manipulative.

Yeah that's exactly what I've been saying, this is literally the only place I feel safe, the only person who ruins it is her

you seem to be thinking of her all of the time

perhaps it is wrong, because you seem to be still attached to her

I still 'love her' in the sense I want her to do well and I was attached to her quite recently but ever since I found out smth that she probably doesn't even know herself, I genuinely stopped falling in love with her and I feel so much happier without her now. I've accepted that we shouldn't be together, we have both moved on to other people, the only times I think about her (which tbh is quite often) is worried about her stalking my posts or harassing me

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you both need to mutually agree to put each other on 'ignore' if you both do use the forum.

I suppose I can see it from her side as well as yours. I can only liken it to sharing a class with someone I had huge problems with. It effectively divided the class with people taking sides. Hopefully, that wouldn't happen quite so much here but- we're only human.

If one of you complains about the other but then, we also figure out who the other is and we decide they sound more reasonable- it may feel like sides are being taken. If someone comes here for refuge, they likely don't want to have their perspectives undermined. That said- now you've split and moved on, do you owe loyalty to one another?

I think you would need to both try not to talk about the other though and, both avoid each other wherever possible. I'm not sure how likely that is. If either of you know the other is here- will you not be tempted to look? Also, you need to trust that members here won't start drawing their own conclusions and taking sides.

I'm not sure it's immoral exactly but, I can see it becoming awkward for both of you if one or both of you is sniping at the other and other members are giving their input on whether they seem in the right or wrong. Seeing as this (presumably) turbulant relationship was a part of your life, I don't know how easy it would be to avoid talking about it.

Personally, I don't really see why you shouldn't have access to the space but then- I think full disclosure and a plan with your ex to try to avoid one another may be wise. For example- to put one another on 'ignore' and avoid refering to each other- if they decide to return. They obviously have the right to do that also.

 

[meddle]

i dont think its immoral for you to post here, especially since you broke up

 

[Charmander07]

I think you both need to mutually agree to put each other on 'ignore' if you both do use the forum.

I suppose I can see it from her side as well as yours. I can only liken it to sharing a class with someone I had huge problems with. It effectively divided the class with people taking sides. Hopefully, that wouldn't happen quite so much here but- we're only human.

If one of you complains about the other but then, we also figure out who the other is and we decide they sound more reasonable- it may feel like sides are being taken. If someone comes here for refuge, they likely don't want to have their perspectives undermined. That said- now you've split and moved on, do you owe loyalty to one another?

I think you would need to both try not to talk about the other though and, both avoid each other wherever possible. I'm not sure how likely that is. If either of you know the other is here- will you not be tempted to look? Also, you need to trust that members here won't start drawing their own conclusions and taking sides.

I'm not sure it's immoral exactly but, I can see it becoming awkward for both of you if one or both of you is sniping at the other and other members are giving their input on whether they seem in the right or wrong. Seeing as this (presumably) turbulant relationship was a part of your life, I don't know how easy it would be to avoid talking about it.

Personally, I don't really see why you shouldn't have access to the space but then- I think full disclosure and a plan with your ex to try to avoid one another may be wise. For example- to put one another on 'ignore' and avoid refering to each other- if they decide to return. They obviously have the right to do that also.

I mean we both blocked each other, we wouldn't be able to discuss it further unfortunately. I won't be posting about her and I if I do happen to, I'll use Reddit. She doesn't know my account on there and it's a lot 'bigger' of a platform. But it's only specific problems which I don't rlly feel comfortable with on Reddit posting, that I want to post here. I have posted about my ex on here in the past and it never ended up well, for understandable reasons, I do feel wrong for that.

But now that we have both moved on, I don't think we will be stalking each others posts, I mean if she stalks mine that would be weird as she's dating someone else now. I just want somewhere safe to post without the worry of some paragraph about how I'm a pathetic excuse of a human again. I just want her out my life, and tbh I don't even know if she still uses this website anymore, and if she does I don't think she will see my posts. If I see hers I WILL NOT look at it unless the title is smth stupid like 'abusive ex' or smth.

i dont think its immoral for you to post here, especially since you broke up

Yeah I do understand her worry but it's not something you can expect. I won't post about her anymore as I can understand why she'd be worried about that, but where else do I go regarding my other problems that mean a lot more to me??

 

[Forever Sleep]

I mean we both blocked each other, we wouldn't be able to discuss it further unfortunately. I won't be posting about her and I do happen to, I'll use Reddit. She doesn't know my account on there and it's a lot 'bigger'. But it's only specific problems which I don't rlly feel comfortable with on Reddit posting, that I want to post here. I have posted about my ex on here in the past and it never ended up well.

But now that we have both moved on, I don't think we will be stalking each others posts, I mean if she stalks mine that would be weird as she's dating someone else now. I just want somewhere safe to post without the worry of some paragraph about how I'm a pathetic excuse of a human again. I just want her out my life, and tbh I don't even know if she still uses this website anymore, and if she does I don't think she will see my posts. If I see hers I WILL NOT look at it unless the title is smth stupid like 'abusive ex' or smth.

Yeah I do understand her worry but it's not something you can expect. I won't post about her anymore as I can understand why she'd be worried about that, but where else do I go regarding my other problems that mean a lot more to me??

From what you've said, it sounds like both of you are still tempted to look at one another's posts- when you are here. I don't necessarily think that should force either of you off the platform but, it seems like it will always be a risk.

I wonder if you're the same member who posted here recently but, then disappeared for a bit? I remember someone else also talking about their ex and that they had an account here, before disappearing.

Maybe she shouldn't be reading your posts but- she might and, she might respond to say you are painting her in an unreasonable light. She may even be triggered by how you present yourself- even without refering to her. Even if it's accurate, it's not really something you'll have control of or, what she may post in response.

All you'll really be able to control is if/ how you respond to that. The best thing would seem to be to put them on ignore all together but, I get the sense that temptation to look will be there by both of you.

I suppose ultimately, I'd say you both have the right to be here but then, conflict seems fairly possible at some stage. It's maybe down to what you think you will gain by being here vs. what you risk happening by being here. Even if she's in the wrong- is it possible for you to avoid the conflict or, be unaffected by it? There again, it could be all smooth sailing if you can both avoid each other.

If it was you from before though- it sounds very similar. Why did you leave? Was it because she got in touch to accuse you of encroaching her space here? That would seem to suggest she still lurks here- even if she isn't active. So- the threat of conflict presumably still exists.

 

[Charmander07]

From what you've said, it sounds like both of you are still tempted to look at one another's posts- when you are here. I don't necessarily think that should force either of you off the platform but, it seems like it will always be a risk.

I wonder if you're the same member who posted here recently but, then disappeared for a bit? I remember someone else also talking about their ex and that they had an account here, before disappearing.

Maybe she shouldn't be reading your posts but- she might and, she might respond to say you are painting her in an unreasonable light. She may even be triggered by how you present yourself- even without refering to her. Even if it's accurate, it's not really something you'll have control of or, what she may post in response.

All you'll really be able to control is if/ how you respond to that. The best thing would seem to be to put them on ignore all together but, I get the sense that temptation to look will be there by both of you.

I suppose ultimately, I'd say you both have the right to be here but then, conflict seems fairly possible at some stage. It's maybe down to what you think you will gain by being here vs. what you risk happening by being here. Even if she's in the wrong- is it possible for you to avoid the conflict or, be unaffected by it? There again, it could be all smooth sailing if you can both avoid each other.

If it was you from before though- it sounds very similar. Why did you leave? Was it because she got in touch to accuse you of encroaching her space here? That would seem to suggest she still lurks here- even if she isn't active. So- the threat of conflict presumably still exists.

I don't know about if she will stalk my posts, but after this post I won't even mention her. If I do for some reason want to post about her I'll put that on Reddit, I can understand how it's immoral to post 'about her' on here. But I know that I wouldn't even be in the slightest tempted unless she's trying to paint me into a bad picture which I doubt she would do.

She says she doesn't even think of me, we have both moved on with new partners and we are both feeling much better and just getting on with our lives.

Also, that was me before, I know it wasn't too long ago, but I used to always delete my posts out of fear that she'd insult me again. But we won't text each other again, we physically can't anyways, even if she does text me, I'd ignore it unless it was important. But I can understand why she didnt like those posts, hence why all my posts about her since have been posted on Reddit, where she 100% can't see it. If she stalks me here, it won't even be about her.

I won't be affected by seeing her posts, and if she gets affected by my posts, it's on her if she sees them. I don't feel I should be expected to stay off a website if you're choosing to click on my posts THAT ARENT EVEN ABOUT HER.

I do love her still but only in the way I want her to do well in life, I'm happy she moved on with someone else. I'm happy I was able to feel the same way with someone else, and feel genuinely happy, I don't want to let my ex destroy that by restricting where I go, even if i understand why she's hurt.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't know about if she will stalk my posts, but after this post I won't even mention her. If I do for some reason want to post about her I'll put that on Reddit, I can understand how it's immoral to post 'about her' on here. But I know that I wouldn't even be in the slightest tempted unless she's trying to paint me into a bad picture which I doubt she would do.

She says she doesn't even think of me, we have both moved on with new partners and we are both feeling much better and just getting on with our lives.

Also, that was me before, I know it wasn't too long ago, but I used to always delete my posts out of fear that she'd insult me again. But we won't text each other again, we physically can't anyways, even if she does text me, I'd ignore it unless it was important. But I can understand why she didnt like those posts, hence why all my posts about her since have been posted on Reddit, where she 100% can't see it. If she stalks me here, it won't even be about her.

I won't be affected by seeing her posts, and if she gets affected by my posts, it's on her if she sees them. I don't feel I should be expected to stay off a website if you're choosing to click on my posts THAT ARENT EVEN ABOUT HER.

I do love her still but only in the way I want her to do well in life, I'm happy she moved on with someone else. I'm happy I was able to feel the same way with someone else, and feel genuinely happy, I don't want to let my ex destroy that by restricting where I go, even if i understand why she's hurt.

I suppose though- without refering to specifics about her, it has largely still been about her. Even saying you are saving talking about someone directly for another platform is saying you are talking about them elsewhere.

It's a bit like knowing another video has dropped about the forum. I tend not to view them but, just knowing they're out there is stressful.

That said- if you both truly have moved on and aren't bothered by what the other may be mentioning, hopefully- all will be fine. I suppose only time will tell.

Plus- you're right. You have the right to vent as much as she does. I tend to allude to someone who caused my ideation to begin with here. The feelings are more black and white though for me. I'd avoid anywhere they were at. Regardless of who got there first. To the extent that- if they were in heaven, I'd consider going to hell to avoid them. It's obviously more tricky when there are a number of emotions at play.

Ultimately though- I looked back at your first post under this username and you mentioned she gave you permission to be here so- that's really all you need. If she's aware and is ok with it then- it seems settled.

 

[Charmander07]

I suppose though- without refering to specifics about her, it has largely still been about her. Even saying you are saving talking about someone directly for another platform is saying you are talking about them elsewhere.

It's a bit like knowing another video has dropped about the forum. I tend not to view them but, just knowing they're out there is stressful.

That said- if you both truly have moved on and aren't bothered by what the other may be mentioning, hopefully- all will be fine. I suppose only time will tell.

Plus- you're right. You have the right to vent as much as she does. I tend to allude to someone who caused my ideation to begin with here. The feelings are more black and white though for me. I'd avoid anywhere they were at. Regardless of who got there first. To the extent that- if they were in heaven, I'd consider going to hell to avoid them. It's obviously more tricky when there are a number of emotions at play.

Ultimately though- I looked back at your first post under this username and you mentioned she gave you permission to be here so- that's really all you need. If she's aware and is ok with it then- it seems settled.

She already knows I use Reddit but yeah when she gave me 'permission' it was more like a 'I can't stop you'. She said it's really wrong that I'm posting here and it will upset her, but at the end of the day she can't force me to do anything. But yeah, I'll carry on posting here if it truly isn't wrong, everyone I speak to says it isn't. If I do for some reason want to post about her or the things she did to me, I'll keep it to Reddit. She says that she literally doesn't care enough about me to even go looking for posts anyways which saves me from a lot of stress. Thank you for replying tho, I really appreciate it

 

[Forever Sleep]

She already knows I use Reddit but yeah when she gave me 'permission' it was more like a 'I can't stop you'. She said it's really wrong that I'm posting here and it will upset her, but at the end of the day she can't force me to do anything. But yeah, I'll carry on posting here if it truly isn't wrong, everyone I speak to says it isn't. If I do for some reason want to post about her or the things she did to me, I'll keep it to Reddit. She says that she literally doesn't care enough about me to even go looking for posts anyways which saves me from a lot of stress. Thank you for replying tho, I really appreciate it

It sounds as if you are trying to be as respectful as possible while still needing to vent- which seems fair enough. Hopefully, you can both use the platforms to work through stuff and move on.

 

[Charmander07]

It sounds as if you are trying to be as respectful as possible while still needing to vent- which seems fair enough. Hopefully, you can both use the platforms to work through stuff and move on.

Yeah, I will respect her despite everything, I just didn't want to sacrifice things for her anymore if you get what I mean. Thank you for your help, one last question tho,
If I change my username, will she be able to search up my old username and things still pop up, just in case she does try, I don't want her to be able to search all my posts?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I will respect her despite everything, I just didn't want to sacrifice things for her anymore if you get what I mean. Thank you for your help, one last question tho,
If I change my username, will she be able to search up my old username and things still pop up, just in case she does try, I don't want her to be able to search all my posts?

If it's still the same account but- a different username then yes- the old posts still remain. Just the name at the top changes. I imagine you must have either deleted posts or, somehow re-registered because I did remember you from the last posts but- they disappeared I remember. Mods only let us delete a certain amount of posts I believe.

She would have to either know your new username or be able to remember enough key words from older posts to be able to find the new name though.

I suppose- from her point of view though. If she is still active but only lurking here- it's going to be frustrating for her if you talk about her in a flury of posts and then, get them deleted.

If she does take umbrage at something you've said- to see it but then have the 'evidence' disappear I imagine will be annoying. Do you think she will be upset at seeing old posts?

But- you can see yourself what posts of yours are still visible- if you click on your username and then, messages.

 

[Charmander07]

If it's still the same account but- a different username then yes- the old posts still remain. Just the name at the top changes. I imagine you must have either deleted posts or, somehow re-registered because I did remember you from the last posts but- they disappeared I remember. Mods only let us delete a certain amount of posts I believe.

She would have to either know your new username or be able to remember enough key words from older posts to be able to find the new name though.

I suppose- from her point of view though. If she is still active but only lurking here- it's going to be frustrating for her if you talk about her in a flury of posts and then, get them deleted.

If she does take umbrage at something you've said- to see it but then have the 'evidence' disappear I imagine will be annoying. Do you think she will be upset at seeing old posts?

But- you can see yourself what posts of yours are still visible- if you click on your username and then, messages.

Yeah, I mean i can't change it yet anyways, and I don't think she would change her username either. Out of fear that I might reply to her or smth.
But yeah, I'll change it when I can, hopefully she doesn't get upset when she sees my posts, tho she did say she doesn't even think of me anymore so I'd assume she wouldn't anyways