Since my boyfriend died in August, I can't live my life. I have been completely confined to my bed, and don't see any way at all possible without him. I can't take care of myself. I can't take care of my kids. He was literally my whole world, as we both suffered from mental health issues and he was my only comfort. Now, the panic attacks and ptsd from finding him dead haunt my every waking moment. I have some of his SN left, and ordered a fresh bottle. At this point, I'm only staying for my kids. But I don't know if it's enough. I was already having suicidal thoughts and panic before he left me to be at peace. He was the person I loved most in the entire world. Even more so than my kids. He was my reason for living. Without him, I'm completely alone and every day waking up I wish I hadn't. I feel guilty because we were both suffering so much, I missed the signs he was giving me. I want more than anything to "be with" him.
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Rachel74
Enlightened
- Sep 7, 2019
- 1,716
Rachel74
Enlightened
- Sep 7, 2019
- 1,716
Poor you.
I won't say you have to stay because of your kids as that's for you to decide. How long have you been on these meds?
That sounds so awful, I'm so sorry. I'd feel the same as you if my husband died. The world would lose all its colour for me.
(I do realise that makes me a selfish bitch as I'm planning to ctb at some point)
Rachel74
Enlightened
- Sep 7, 2019
- 1,716
I think if my partner left me I probably would too I know when we split a few months ago I tried to jump from a bridge.
Dawn0071111
Hungry Ghost
- Dec 9, 2018
- 570
Hi hun, Im here for the same reason. Only he didnt die... I know the agony & anguish your in... Im so sorry that your torn between your pain & responsibility of being a parent. ...
I don't think it's crazy. Everybody has their own reasons to live - or not to live. There is no objectively right or wrong answer. However, that last sentence sounds like you expect to see him again in the afterlife, and that's not realistic. You really should not kill yourself on that assumption.
mk47
Member
- Sep 29, 2019
- 78
kohaku
Nonbinary Hysteric
- Mar 27, 2019
- 188
It's not. My own breakup has left me in a consistently worsening mental state since February, to the point where I had a psychotic break this month. They can be downright traumatic. Death even more so.
Some of us simply don't have the mental defenses to put up with these things. Many of those people are here. You're not alone. None of us are crazy. We're just worse off than others, enough to be seriously considering suicide just to end the pain.
If you think you can pull through for your kids, I think it's worth trying. The pain is indeed passed on after you leave this world and perhaps it might just be up to you to try to be strong in case they couldn't be.
But be aware that stress will make things not only worse just for you but also for your children. Weigh your options carefully. In the end, the choice is yours, and I hope you feel like you made the right one.
Some of us simply don't have the mental defenses to put up with these things. Many of those people are here. You're not alone. None of us are crazy. We're just worse off than others, enough to be seriously considering suicide just to end the pain.
If you think you can pull through for your kids, I think it's worth trying. The pain is indeed passed on after you leave this world and perhaps it might just be up to you to try to be strong in case they couldn't be.
But be aware that stress will make things not only worse just for you but also for your children. Weigh your options carefully. In the end, the choice is yours, and I hope you feel like you made the right one.
Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
Stan
Factoid Hunter
- Aug 29, 2019
- 2,589
That's a tragic story, so sorry to read it. Are you going to any survivor or grief group sessions? Reading about them they seem to have better aspects about them than one on one therapy.
Maybe not "more". Just differently. It's hard to measure love.
They would go to my mom and dad.
Painpleasure
Student
- Apr 9, 2019
- 108
Never take your life for another. Suicide is the most personal decision you'll ever make and it should not be clouded by external factors.
Having said that, I do acknowledge that life can often seem mundane and pointless without love.
Having said that, I do acknowledge that life can often seem mundane and pointless without love.
I think considering that you have kids especially considering the age they, you have a responsibility to be strong and continue living for their sake. Having a parent comitting suicide in a children's formative years can and often do scar and fuck up children for life.
sadgirl2002
Fallen Angel
- Apr 9, 2019
- 452
It's not crazy, I'm sort of in the same situation as you but he didn't die; even though it feels like he has. I know I would've killed myself if I was in your situation too :(
Painpleasure
Student
- Apr 9, 2019
- 108
