Venting Is getting help worth it?

[fellofdarknotday]

I think I've basically been depressed all my life, and I can't really remember what it's like to not want to be dead. But I don't want to die. I want to be dead. I think there's a big difference. I've thought about therapy and getting on meds and all that stuff, but would any of it be worth it? I've lived my entire life like this. I'm eighteen. Depression and suicidal and violent thoughts are basically all I know. There's something going on in my head. I don't know what it is. And I don't know if I want to know. Sometimes I think I'm a bit histrionic and it feels like I do everything for attention because I do and say a lot of things just for attention. But I don't think that's the case here. I don't really advertise any of my thoughts, I don't use them to get attention- I'll do anything else but not speak about this. The few times I have, I've been told I should speak to some professional. I don't know anymore. I don't want to have to spend days or weeks in some psych ward and filled with random drugs that'll make me feel numb. I'm sick of feeling sick and wanting to be dead and I just want to feel like the eighteen year old I should feel like. Is any of it worth it? A therapist? Meds? Some kind of diagnosis to try and explain why I'm like this?

 

[BlackEyedDog]

Yes, I do believe it is worth trying to get help. Therapy and meds may help to give your mind a break, may allow for another perspective.
May improve the quality of life enough that you find a path you just could never see. Your intent also matters, meaning you want to try to get better rather than let's see how useless this experience will be, so to speak. Depression can be crippling and we end up mentally stuck and living in our heads. Help might break that up a bit, and can learn more about ourselves. Better to know you tried at least. I did not get help until much later in life and know had I gotten it when I was young it could've been life changing (in positive ways).