Discussion Is divorce alone a good enough reason to ctb?

[KillingPain267]

If a person simply cannot get over a separation/divorce, and incapable of healing and imagining a life without the ex... is this alone a good enough reason to ctb? I ask because it seems like in movies some can get over a divorce within days and society expects that, but statistics show divorce increases risk of ctb. But how much of a risk? It seems like a petty reason.

 

[MissRevlon]

There is no such thing as a valid or invalid reason to CTB. Whether someone takes their life over losing a dollar or losing a million, the pain they feel is just as real.

 

[Anathema™]

As above any reason to CTB is subjective and personal. There is no universal pain grading system.

The only thing that changes is your capability to cope with the pain as such any pain is valid.

 

[CatLvr]

I am JUST pissy enough to hang around, no matter how miserable I am, because I'm NOT giving ANYBODY that much control over my destiny. NOBODY ...

 

[Reflection]

Divorce, breakup, cheating etc...when one person betrays someone who's bonded with them romantically, it's no joke and causes excruciating emotional pain, that much is true. Is it enough reason though? Depends on the person I guess, I cant speak for everyone.

Personally I got broken up with 1 year ago, and it's simply the worst I've felt in my entire life... I think I am able to cope with it to an extent now, but the pain is all the same, and I don't want to keep living with it, managing it exhausts me. I loved her, still do and will keep doing so, and so knowing that some random guy will build the family I once dreamt of with her still eats me alive...Even if I find someone new and it all goes well, I feel like I'd be lying to them and using them while having supressed feelings for her, and I would just end up living a fake torturous life (and this is something a lot of people do) . So to be honest, after thinking about this for over a year, I think It's better for me to sleep forever.

 

[redkitsune98]

I am CTBing over the end of short lived relationship, cant imagine how much more divorce would hurt

 

[alienfreak]

Yes. It depends on the person of course. I think it is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. It completely changes the course of your life in all sorts of ways and shatters all your expectations. I don't know how to understand the perspective some people have that relationships are so disposable and replaceable in modern culture. The importance of marriage has diminished, people seem to care about each other less and less, and form weaker and weaker bonds. If you're someone that really had a deep relationship then it can cause very deep life-altering pain.

 

[chester]

You don't ctb because of what happened but because you don't believe your life can become good enough one day. Right now you're going through hell, which is understandable. Are you certain this can't change? Have you tried things that could help you? Have you given yourself time? You don't have to answer, just have a think about it.

 

[Trav1989]

Divorce, breakup, cheating etc...when one person betrays someone who's bonded with them romantically, it's no joke and causes excruciating emotional pain, that much is true. Is it enough reason though? Depends on the person I guess, I cant speak for everyone.

Personally I got broken up with 1 year ago, and it's simply the worst I've felt in my entire life... I think I am able to cope with it to an extent now, but the pain is all the same, and I don't want to keep living with it, managing it exhausts me. I loved her, still do and will keep doing so, and so knowing that some random guy will build the family I once dreamt of with her still eats me alive...Even if I find someone new and it all goes well, I feel like I'd be lying to them and using them while having supressed feelings for her, and I would just end up living a fake torturous life (and this is something a lot of people do) . So to be honest, after thinking about this for over a year, I think It's better for me to sleep forever.

Same, was married to a woman and the first 5 years or so were amazing and then things started to go downhill and 2 years later we were divorced. She ran off with another guy, then another, then multiple at once, who knows where she is now.

I never really moved on though. I have yet to sleep with anyone else two years later but tried dating and it never felt right. I put everything I had into the marriage and it failed because I lacked in some ways and she lacked in others and we couldn't seem to bring each other up.

My ex-wife was also nearly a decade younger than me so we were from different generations and despite me being better looking than most guys a decade younger than me physically that certainly wasn't the case mentally.

She was extremely bad with money, to the point that even when she worked she would spend her entire check on whatever she wanted with no regards to budgeting and then she would dip into the money I set aside for bills which caused financial strain.
F
I eventually confronted her and next thing you know she was having sex with random men for money and still contributing nothing while I covered everything. There was no marriage at that point and she was just making our lives tougher while saying things like "it's not cheating if I don't love them".

Eventually she met a guy who ended up pimping her out because I wouldn't and they offered me 33% of the income if I let her stay with me and I obviously refused.

By that point the marriage was well beyond over and we hadn't been intimate in nearly a year.

When I first met my wife she was so full of life and was everything I could have asked for and was thankful for me taking her off the streets and giving her the life she had always dreamed of. After a handful of years she fell back into her old ways of prostitution and hard drugs and it was as if I never even met her to begin with.

Whenever I look back at the first few years we had I wonder about what could have been, we planned on buying a nice place about a mile from the beach and had over $80,000 in the bank and we're quite literally a few months from that being a reality but with her everything was "in the moment".

I loved her and I know she loved me and we had planned on having kids once we got situated and giving them the best life a child could ask for.

Losing that emotionally destroyed me and I never recovered and pills and therapy never helped. At this point I've acquired SN and I'm just waiting for that final push.

All my money is gone, my happiness is gone ,and I'll never financially recover so I see no real path forward other than CTB at this point. I'm 35 and I just can't save for another decade in the hope of a chance at things improving because I'll be 45 by that point and I just don't have the willpower to continue.

 

[J&L383]

If a person simply cannot get over a separation/divorce, and incapable of healing and imagining a life without the ex... is this alone a good enough reason to ctb? I ask because it seems like in movies some can get over a divorce within days and society expects that, but statistics show divorce increases risk of ctb. But how much of a risk? It seems like a petty reason.

Yes for some it can be devastating. The loss sineone feels is life-changing and difficult to overcome. A sense of loss can lead to suicidal ideation. For example, two people that been married for years and one dies, the other can be so devastated that they take their own life. So it's at least a reason. Usually, that alone is not enough, but, from personal experience, I can understand why it could be.

 

[alienfreak]

Same, was married to a woman and the first 5 years or so were amazing and then things started to go downhill and 2 years later we were divorced. She ran off with another guy, then another, then multiple at once, who knows where she is now.

I never really moved on though. I have yet to sleep with anyone else two years later but tried dating and it never felt right. I put everything I had into the marriage and it failed because I lacked in some ways and she lacked in others and we couldn't seem to bring each other up.

My ex-wife was also nearly a decade younger than me so we were from different generations and despite me being better looking than most guys a decade younger than me physically that certainly wasn't the case mentally.

She was extremely bad with money, to the point that even when she worked she would spend her entire check on whatever she wanted with no regards to budgeting and then she would dip into the money I set aside for bills which caused financial strain.
F
I eventually confronted her and next thing you know she was having sex with random men for money and still contributing nothing while I covered everything. There was no marriage at that point and she was just making our lives tougher while saying things like "it's not cheating if I don't love them".

Eventually she met a guy who ended up pimping her out because I wouldn't and they offered me 33% of the income if I let her stay with me and I obviously refused.

By that point the marriage was well beyond over and we hadn't been intimate in nearly a year.

When I first met my wife she was so full of life and was everything I could have asked for and was thankful for me taking her off the streets and giving her the life she had always dreamed of. After a handful of years she fell back into her old ways of prostitution and hard drugs and it was as if I never even met her to begin with.

Whenever I look back at the first few years we had I wonder about what could have been, we planned on buying a nice place about a mile from the beach and had over $80,000 in the bank and we're quite literally a few months from that being a reality but with her everything was "in the moment".

I loved her and I know she loved me and we had planned on having kids once we got situated and giving them the best life a child could ask for.

Losing that emotionally destroyed me and I never recovered and pills and therapy never helped. At this point I've acquired SN and I'm just waiting for that final push.

All my money is gone, my happiness is gone ,and I'll never financially recover so I see no real path forward other than CTB at this point. I'm 35 and I just can't save for another decade in the hope of a chance at things improving because I'll be 45 by that point and I just don't have the willpower to continue.

That's heartbreaking, I got tears from reading it. Even if we do our best and make careful decisions so much of our lives comes down to chance and chaos. You got 5 amazing years, that's something precious. I'm really sorry that happened to you.

 

[Reflection]

Same, was married to a woman and the first 5 years or so were amazing and then things started to go downhill and 2 years later we were divorced. She ran off with another guy, then another, then multiple at once, who knows where she is now.

I never really moved on though. I have yet to sleep with anyone else two years later but tried dating and it never felt right. I put everything I had into the marriage and it failed because I lacked in some ways and she lacked in others and we couldn't seem to bring each other up.

My ex-wife was also nearly a decade younger than me so we were from different generations and despite me being better looking than most guys a decade younger than me physically that certainly wasn't the case mentally.

She was extremely bad with money, to the point that even when she worked she would spend her entire check on whatever she wanted with no regards to budgeting and then she would dip into the money I set aside for bills which caused financial strain.
F
I eventually confronted her and next thing you know she was having sex with random men for money and still contributing nothing while I covered everything. There was no marriage at that point and she was just making our lives tougher while saying things like "it's not cheating if I don't love them".

Eventually she met a guy who ended up pimping her out because I wouldn't and they offered me 33% of the income if I let her stay with me and I obviously refused.

By that point the marriage was well beyond over and we hadn't been intimate in nearly a year.

When I first met my wife she was so full of life and was everything I could have asked for and was thankful for me taking her off the streets and giving her the life she had always dreamed of. After a handful of years she fell back into her old ways of prostitution and hard drugs and it was as if I never even met her to begin with.

Whenever I look back at the first few years we had I wonder about what could have been, we planned on buying a nice place about a mile from the beach and had over $80,000 in the bank and we're quite literally a few months from that being a reality but with her everything was "in the moment".

I loved her and I know she loved me and we had planned on having kids once we got situated and giving them the best life a child could ask for.

Losing that emotionally destroyed me and I never recovered and pills and therapy never helped. At this point I've acquired SN and I'm just waiting for that final push.

All my money is gone, my happiness is gone ,and I'll never financially recover so I see no real path forward other than CTB at this point. I'm 35 and I just can't save for another decade in the hope of a chance at things improving because I'll be 45 by that point and I just don't have the willpower to continue.

Man I am so sorry for what you've had to endure and what you're still going through. I think You're very strong and resilient for withstanding her unfaithfulness and the financial troubles she stirred, I personally wouldn't last a day knowing she got intimate with someone else, that alone would completely destroy me. Wishing you peace.

 

[sevennn]

i don't know. no one ever loved me like that. you can ctb for any reason you want

 

[Trav1989]

Man I am so sorry for what you've had to endure and what you're still going through. I think You're very strong and resilient for withstanding her unfaithfulness and the financial troubles she stirred, I personally wouldn't last a day knowing she got intimate with someone else, that alone would completely destroy me. Wishing you peace.

Oh trust me, the first time she cheated on me after an argument about money and left for two weeks staying with another guy who ended up beating her up and she came back bruised and crying and telling me she was sorry repeatedly I was more conflicted than I had ever been in my life prior.

I wanted to hate her so bad but I felt sorry for her.

Then the second time she left for about 3 months and moved in with another guy, she came back because the guy had no money and wouldn't buy her what she wanted. I got quite angry and the next two or three weeks were rough.

Then she met another guy after she left again (with my debit/credit card that I promptly cancelled) and got into an open relationship, before you know it he was all for her having sex for money and then his friend got involved and apparently sex parties for pay were being hosted where men would pay to take turns with my, at that point ex-wife and her pimp sent me pictures from her phone.

If I had SN at that point I would have taken it immediately but I didn't. I ordered my SN months later after multiple people told me to try therapy after confronting me (I live in a small town so word gets around). The therapy did nothing but just reinforce the fact that I was truly alone.

I told the first of the two therapists the full story and she cried and told me to come back next week.

Two days later I was contacted by her office and told that she could no longer see me and I got a list worth of numbers to call.

The second therapist put me on a litany of meds ranging from SSRI's to amphetamines and all of that just made things worse.

I tried dating on four occasions since but the passion is just gone and I'm no longer the same person. I used to work out three days a week and eat healthy but I have since quit taking care of myself and if I'm hungry (rare these days) I'll just eat a can of tuna or black beans and call it good.

I used to stockpile high protein foods when I gave a shit about my health so I have about $500 worth of canned foods that I'll probably just donate a few days before I CTB.

It's funny how fast life can change. One day your on track to witness your dreams come true and filled with life and then your borderline homeless and ready to CTB a few weeks later.

 

[ThisIsMe1357]

I think whoever finds it difficult to get back together after a divorce should first give themselves roughly 12 months of genuine trying to see whether their situation might get better. What I mean by that is trying to be with other people, family and friends, and possibly also trying to find someone new. The person should start talking and thinking about an impossible situation only after they feel exactly the same after this time period as they did right after the divorce happened.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Not sure of your situation, but if I had to pay a lifetime of alimony, I would probably cbt. Easier said than done if you could rebound as soon as possible, it might take the edge off of it. That's the boat. I'm in now, but it doesn't seem easy.. at my age finding a partner as close to impossible. I can't stand to be alone forever.

 

[Trav1989]

Not sure of your situation, but if I had to pay a lifetime of alimony, I would probably cbt. Easier said than done if you could rebound as soon as possible, it might take the edge off of it. That's the boat. I'm in now, but it doesn't seem easy.. at my age finding a partner as close to impossible. I can't stand to be alone forever.

Yeah, after 35-40 people are so set in their ways that trying to reach a middle ground with anyone is nearly impossible. I've tried dating since my divorce and it's just so extremely challenging that I am having a hard time dealing with it. All four of the prior women I dated over the past year just had zero interest in working as a team in regards to anything. Two of them were very "in your face" and blunt about everything and borderline mean people. The other two were clearly single because they had very little in regards to communication skills. For instance, the two blunt women would just say things like "who gives a shit?" if I asked them a question and just shut me down. The other two were more reserved and would just reply "okay" or "that's good", or if I asked them what they did for work and if they enjoyed it or not they'd reply something along the lines of "I work at a grocery store, it's okay" and if I offered to take them on a date we'd eat out and it would end up being just me doing 90% of the talking. With the more harsh women it was the other way around and I could hardly get a word in because they'd just say "whatever" and then talk about themselves.

There is just no balance in regards to people after a certain age, there is no give and take, it's one or the other.

I've been casually dating another woman (a 5th attempt) for a bit over two months now off and on and I've put a lot of effort into it but it doesn't seem like this one is going to pan out either because she is self-conscious about her weight (apparently she is around 250 pounds) and despite me telling her it didn't bother me I have yet to see her in person and have only talked to her on the phone three times in about 75 days and despite her texting me often her messages are always 1-5 words and I have to work extremely hard to get her to open up even slightly.

There is another woman I've been talking to as well (but probably shouldn't) and that is my ex prior to me meeting my wife, we dated for a couple years about a decade ago and she wrote me out of the blue one day about a month ago maybe and told me that she still had feelings for me but here is the kicker...

She lives a state away and has a fiancé but now that she knows I'm not officially in a relationship she confessed her love to me and wants to get back together. I feel very hesitant about this for obvious reasons but her fiancé is clearly kind of an asshole going by his Facebook posts alone and can be physically abusive and drinks a lot so I can see why my ex wants me over him.

She is extremely easy to communicate with, very kind, doesn't curse, dresses feminine and wears makeup, basically the perfect woman in every way but there is one red flag, she is a bit of a flirt but now that she is in her 30's she seems to have mellowed out a bit. In her 20's she was truly quite the "player" though and in some ways I guess she still is but reality hit her.

She is now 32 and she has never been married and doesn't have any kids. She wanted to marry her fiancé but in the six months they've been together he mostly just gets drunk everyday while smoking pot and becomes a complete ass and does literally nothing around the house and doesn't cook or even take the trash out and won't even pick up after himself.

My ex knows that I am nothing like that, I don't drink alcohol very often at all (I might drink shots for a special occasion or something or some hard cider on Christmas), I don't do any drugs save for opiates once or twice a month, I am good with money, I keep a clean house and believe in sharing household duties, I clean up after myself, and I'm not verbally or physically abusive.

So it's obvious that she wants to be with me over her fiancé for those reasons now that she knows I'm available.

There is an issue though, I am more than ready to CTB and have been for a while now. I told my ex "I am basically done with life and really want to just end it at this point" but she told me that if I made her my wife and gave her one child she would be the happiest woman on the planet and she'd do anything for me and our family and promised me that she'd give me a reason to live and would always be there for me.

In some ways I know deep down she is telling the truth but as I said, she was quite the flirt a decade ago and knew she was attractive but again, she has grown up quite a bit and she has always loved my parents and family and really wants to be a part of my family and take my last name since her mother died years ago and her father got into drugs and is in prison for another 6 years.

I just don't know if I have the energy to go through it all again or the hope to even go through with it all. In a life of uncertainty there is one certainty and that is oblivion. I put so much effort into my prior marriage that I'm deeply scarred emotionally and I made sure she knows that but she clearly wants to prove herself to me so it all makes me conflicted. I have my SN but now I've been putting off using it because of potential hope for the future. She wants me to wait for her until next year and then pick her up and even told me she'd give me a year to see how I felt with her before she wanted an answer on if I wanted to marry her or not and despite knowing I don't own anything other than my vehicle she clearly wants to go through with it with me.

I'm just so damaged from the hell my ex-wife put me through that I feel as though I'm incapable of being the person I'll need to be as a husband (again) and a father (for the first time) and it's overwhelming. It just seems so much easier to mix a couple glasses of SN with water in the woods after fasting for a day and being done with this existence.

Maybe in some ways I'm scared of living more than I am of dying and I'm worried that she will just leave me like my ex-wife did and she also clearly told me that I had a year to try things out with her before she wanted an answer for the future, she promised me that she'd give me a reason to want to live again and was extremely empathetic towards me when I told her all I had gone through.

Sorry if I veered off course quite a bit with this post, I've just had a lot on my mind and choosing between eternal peace or a chance at true love isn't very easy to decide.

But yes, divorce is an extremely valid reason to desire to CTB, when you give your everything to another person and it isn't reciprocated and instead thrown away it is beyond heartbreaking. I can honestly say that it's an entirely different level of pain from anything else I've suffered through in my 35 years of life and nothing has, or likely will ever come close to the emotional suffering I felt as my marriage crumbled to pieces before my eyes. I can fathom that the only thing that could possibly hurt worse would be if you had been married for decades and your spouse tragically passed away and you were left alone.

Divorce comes as close as I can imagine though, especially if you wear your heart on your sleeve and believe that such should be forever and isn't just "some words on a paper" as my ex-wife used to say. To me marriage is a promise to be there for eachother through everything life throws at you and support eachother no matter what. To love and cherish one-another and treat your partner like they are the only thing that truly matters in this world.

In modern society finding a partner that feels the same is extremely rare, people are so quick to just sever ties and move on and once they decide they are ready to move on to their next venture no matter how hard you try to get them to stay it will never work. All you can do is delay the inevitable collapse at best and to me that is extremely heartbreaking to put it lightly.

In many ways I wish I could have just ended things the moment my wife left for good and had my SN on hand and I could have already left this world behind but in some ways I feel as though reconnecting the the woman I likely should have married instead of my ex-wife is possibly a second, and final chance because we had issues but a lot of them were due to our age and lack of experience in regards to life. My ex found somebody else and I found somebody else within a few days after as well after a single fight and if I hadn't been immature and told her I could just find a new woman after I caught her talking to another guy and gave her another chance after she promised she would never talk to him or another guy again maybe things would have ended up differently.

Neither of the relationships we left eachother for worked out and now we are all the wiser for it.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that it's valid though I'll never know what the pain is like since I don't really get attached to people, especially not enough to care about things like divorce or relationship breakups (I never want to be in a relationship in the first place)

 

[CTB Dream]

Any psbl resn ctb, this v posbl resn ctb ,ya tell u how ppl hv ex etc this ex part brain past part brain, this no heal this prmnt dmg brain, ppl diff ppl v ltl dmg cont prtnd no hpn any ppl v big dmg mayb ctb mayb evn die, ya this true smtm ppl die cz dvrc etc, this rlty life no undrstmt any type pain sffr

 

[AllTheseQuestions]

Yeah, after 35-40 people are so set in their ways that trying to reach a middle ground with anyone is nearly impossible. I've tried dating since my divorce and it's just so extremely challenging that I am having a hard time dealing with it. All four of the prior women I dated over the past year just had zero interest in working as a team in regards to anything. Two of them were very "in your face" and blunt about everything and borderline mean people. The other two were clearly single because they had very little in regards to communication skills. For instance, the two blunt women would just say things like "who gives a shit?" if I asked them a question and just shut me down. The other two were more reserved and would just reply "okay" or "that's good", or if I asked them what they did for work and if they enjoyed it or not they'd reply something along the lines of "I work at a grocery store, it's okay" and if I offered to take them on a date we'd eat out and it would end up being just me doing 90% of the talking. With the more harsh women it was the other way around and I could hardly get a word in because they'd just say "whatever" and then talk about themselves.

There is just no balance in regards to people after a certain age, there is no give and take, it's one or the other.

I've been casually dating another woman (a 5th attempt) for a bit over two months now off and on and I've put a lot of effort into it but it doesn't seem like this one is going to pan out either because she is self-conscious about her weight (apparently she is around 250 pounds) and despite me telling her it didn't bother me I have yet to see her in person and have only talked to her on the phone three times in about 75 days and despite her texting me often her messages are always 1-5 words and I have to work extremely hard to get her to open up even slightly.

There is another woman I've been talking to as well (but probably shouldn't) and that is my ex prior to me meeting my wife, we dated for a couple years about a decade ago and she wrote me out of the blue one day about a month ago maybe and told me that she still had feelings for me but here is the kicker...

She lives a state away and has a fiancé but now that she knows I'm not officially in a relationship she confessed her love to me and wants to get back together. I feel very hesitant about this for obvious reasons but her fiancé is clearly kind of an asshole going by his Facebook posts alone and can be physically abusive and drinks a lot so I can see why my ex wants me over him.

She is extremely easy to communicate with, very kind, doesn't curse, dresses feminine and wears makeup, basically the perfect woman in every way but there is one red flag, she is a bit of a flirt but now that she is in her 30's she seems to have mellowed out a bit. In her 20's she was truly quite the "player" though and in some ways I guess she still is but reality hit her.

She is now 32 and she has never been married and doesn't have any kids. She wanted to marry her fiancé but in the six months they've been together he mostly just gets drunk everyday while smoking pot and becomes a complete ass and does literally nothing around the house and doesn't cook or even take the trash out and won't even pick up after himself.

My ex knows that I am nothing like that, I don't drink alcohol very often at all (I might drink shots for a special occasion or something or some hard cider on Christmas), I don't do any drugs save for opiates once or twice a month, I am good with money, I keep a clean house and believe in sharing household duties, I clean up after myself, and I'm not verbally or physically abusive.

So it's obvious that she wants to be with me over her fiancé for those reasons now that she knows I'm available.

There is an issue though, I am more than ready to CTB and have been for a while now. I told my ex "I am basically done with life and really want to just end it at this point" but she told me that if I made her my wife and gave her one child she would be the happiest woman on the planet and she'd do anything for me and our family and promised me that she'd give me a reason to live and would always be there for me.

In some ways I know deep down she is telling the truth but as I said, she was quite the flirt a decade ago and knew she was attractive but again, she has grown up quite a bit and she has always loved my parents and family and really wants to be a part of my family and take my last name since her mother died years ago and her father got into drugs and is in prison for another 6 years.

I just don't know if I have the energy to go through it all again or the hope to even go through with it all. In a life of uncertainty there is one certainty and that is oblivion. I put so much effort into my prior marriage that I'm deeply scarred emotionally and I made sure she knows that but she clearly wants to prove herself to me so it all makes me conflicted. I have my SN but now I've been putting off using it because of potential hope for the future. She wants me to wait for her until next year and then pick her up and even told me she'd give me a year to see how I felt with her before she wanted an answer on if I wanted to marry her or not and despite knowing I don't own anything other than my vehicle she clearly wants to go through with it with me.

I'm just so damaged from the hell my ex-wife put me through that I feel as though I'm incapable of being the person I'll need to be as a husband (again) and a father (for the first time) and it's overwhelming. It just seems so much easier to mix a couple glasses of SN with water in the woods after fasting for a day and being done with this existence.

Maybe in some ways I'm scared of living more than I am of dying and I'm worried that she will just leave me like my ex-wife did and she also clearly told me that I had a year to try things out with her before she wanted an answer for the future, she promised me that she'd give me a reason to want to live again and was extremely empathetic towards me when I told her all I had gone through.

Sorry if I veered off course quite a bit with this post, I've just had a lot on my mind and choosing between eternal peace or a chance at true love isn't very easy to decide.

But yes, divorce is an extremely valid reason to desire to CTB, when you give your everything to another person and it isn't reciprocated and instead thrown away it is beyond heartbreaking. I can honestly say that it's an entirely different level of pain from anything else I've suffered through in my 35 years of life and nothing has, or likely will ever come close to the emotional suffering I felt as my marriage crumbled to pieces before my eyes. I can fathom that the only thing that could possibly hurt worse would be if you had been married for decades and your spouse tragically passed away and you were left alone.

Divorce comes as close as I can imagine though, especially if you wear your heart on your sleeve and believe that such should be forever and isn't just "some words on a paper" as my ex-wife used to say. To me marriage is a promise to be there for eachother through everything life throws at you and support eachother no matter what. To love and cherish one-another and treat your partner like they are the only thing that truly matters in this world.

In modern society finding a partner that feels the same is extremely rare, people are so quick to just sever ties and move on and once they decide they are ready to move on to their next venture no matter how hard you try to get them to stay it will never work. All you can do is delay the inevitable collapse at best and to me that is extremely heartbreaking to put it lightly.

In many ways I wish I could have just ended things the moment my wife left for good and had my SN on hand and I could have already left this world behind but in some ways I feel as though reconnecting the the woman I likely should have married instead of my ex-wife is possibly a second, and final chance because we had issues but a lot of them were due to our age and lack of experience in regards to life. My ex found somebody else and I found somebody else within a few days after as well after a single fight and if I hadn't been immature and told her I could just find a new woman after I caught her talking to another guy and gave her another chance after she promised she would never talk to him or another guy again maybe things would have ended up differently.

Neither of the relationships we left eachother for worked out and now we are all the wiser for it.

My friend I have read quite a few your posts in recent weeks and your situation makes me so sad.
I have to say what you have been through with your wife, I have a lot of admiration for you that you did not allow yourself to become corrupted and malevolent. I don't think I personally would have been able to be so gracious after that.

I hope you tread very carefully with the other ex that is looking to get back into your life.