Yep.. I already also had a terrible childhood. I probably inherited worse mental health genetically through my parents, but also being emotionally abused and the "black sheep" sibling, everyone acts like nothing ever happened. Despite all that I did great in school for a better future, self harmed since I was 12 etc parents saw never cared. Stopped doing it completely for about a year and now I feel like it again, who cares I guess since I'm too scared to be able to ever wear long sleeves ever again without skin surgery. Didn't end up being able to go to college since I moved out in HS and had to support myself after just losing my job from SA.
Now here I am years later after having to waste so much of my life unlike my siblings who got a chance to set themselves up for success with college or whatever else, and I have developed chronic pain to where I am going to have to apply for disability too right now. I can't work like this anymore and going to school is really difficult, I might try to continue with accomodations but it feels pointless since my pain is incurable for a year now so I will have a degree I can't even get a job with, or leave for a job that will accommodate me and then if I lose it I have no support and no disabiltiy so just doomed. So even attempting to be independent is not smart when I could only work very very little jobs that will cater to me. It's worse that I don't think my family even believes me that I'm in chronic pain and think I'm making it up so I don't have to work or think I just have depression etc. Well I've always had depression and anxiety but I push through that (not that anyone on disability for it doesn't need it), physically impossible for me to push through chronic physical pain.
I want to live right now, have kind of a LDR going though we've never met but I'm supposed to meet soon and move there soon or after college. So I feel like I finally have a life planned and now its all taken away. I feel like if I die they will say it was depression etc, when I truly am having medical issues and I don't want them making up stuff. Yeah sorry to write a whole essay but I understand your pain. Being born in an abusive family that alone is one of the worst pains/issues that sets you up for a lot of problems.