It's a little bit solipsistic but the way I see it is that I'm going to do right by the people I care about and the disadvantaged while I'm here. But just as life doesn't owe me anything, I don't owe it anything. It is tough to lose someone to suicide. I experienced a close loss last year, a friend who also had BPD (and also drove the same sports car as me, in the same color, weird coincidence). My feelings are mixed. I miss him, but I also understand wanting to stop experiencing that acute suffering, and part of me is happy he's not suffering anymore. If everyone could grasp that latter bit, this forum wouldn't get vilified the way it does. Taking time to empathize with and understand others is not the same thing as inciting/encouraging but it's like this forums dissidents see it exclusively that way. Ugh I am ranty tonight I'm so sorry everyone