Is choosing not to CTB for now all it takes to be in recovery?

[GrumpyFrog]

I wanted to hear your opinions. On this site, it seems you pick one of two paths - you're either actively planning to CTB, or you're in recovery...But are you really?

I planned to CTB, then my plan was interrupted and proven ineffective and risky. I simply didn't have the mental capacity to come up with a new idea, so I didn't attempt again. I still want to die every day, and while there was a bit of a numb relief immediately after the initial failed date, things are getting worse every day now. Am I in recovery because I am not taking steps to make up a new plan? Am I not?

I guess, what I really want to know is what does recovery mean for you?

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I think if I decided to recover, I would go back to the doctors and either try medication or go to therapy. And I'd be looking at ways to try and improve my life by making some changes.

 

[Caspers]

Tbh I think you can both have plans and be trying recovery. I have SN and most of what's needed for it, but I have decided to try one more time before CTB. I'm in the middle atm

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

For me recovery means a two-stage improvement in living conditions.

On the one hand, the psychological state has to change to such an extent that the thought of ctb no longer exists, that one wants to live again.

This first stage can be supported by medication, but not guaranteed.

The second stage is that the cause of the ctb wish is eliminated so that the medication can be discontinued again.

There are many people who want to do ctb for absolutely trivial reasons that can be eliminated quickly and easily because they only exist for a short time now.

Unfortunately, there are also people who have reasons that cannot be changed. In these cases, recovery is very difficult or simply no longer possible. What I can confirm from my own experience

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Tbh I think you can both have plans and be trying recovery. I have SN and most of what's needed for it, but I have decided to try one more time before CTB. I'm in the middle atm

That's an interesting perspective. I suppose it is possible to be in the middle by having both a suicide and a recovery plan, but also by having neither.

 

[CuddleHug]

I wouldn't say I'm in recovery, but more like trying to recover. What's the difference? Well, I still very much intend to CTB, there's no denying that. However, I've put that aside for now and am instead focusing more on finding the motivation to recover, or at the very least convince myself to keep trying. I'm open to the idea that I will one day find something that will make me want to live rather than just survive, but I'm not counting on it.

In the end, it's up to you to define what recovery means for you personally. Going from actively planning to CTB to a state of ambivalence where you don't know whether you want to CTB anymore or work on yourself to get better, I think that is part of the recovery process as well. But it can also be a sort of procrastination where you just try to survive until you have the drive to actually CTB. There are lots of ways to look at it.

Either way, you're very much welcome here in the Recovery forum, if that's what you were worried about. We've got all sorts here

 

[Stick]

I wouldn't say I'm in recovery, but more like trying to recover.

I think that's a great way of putting it.
I think I'm in a similar boat. I plan on dying in October, but in the meantime I'm doing my best to get better. Who knows, maybe I'll discover some miracle that will make life worth living.

 

[muffin222]

Tbh I think you can both have plans and be trying recovery. I have SN and most of what's needed for it, but I have decided to try one more time before CTB. I'm in the middle atm

I agree. This is where I'm currently at as well. I think this is a perfectly fine spot to be in

 

[Amumu]

In this site the section recovery just means avoiding ctb soon for me
But in a narrower sense it's about improving your life as well
And yes I agree having some lethal substances near me would help me recover as fuck lmao

 

[GrumpyFrog]

In this site the section recovery just means avoiding ctb soon for me
But in a narrower sense it's about improving your life as well

This might sound like an incredibly dumb question...but how does one improve their life?

 

[Amumu]

This might sound like an incredibly dumb question...but how does one improve their life?

And this might sound like an incredibly dumb answer
In explaining what your problems are and asking others or yourself how to downsize their effects or even to get rid of them

 

[GrumpyFrog]

And this might sound like an incredibly dumb answer
In explaining what your problems are and asking others or yourself how to downsize their effects or even to get rid of them

That, my friend, is an incredibly smart answer that I might consider as an actionable plan.
I have heard a lot of the same checklist: "exercise, eat healthy, meditate, think of the less fortunate, practice gratitude, don't drink, write in a journal, go to therapy". Which is all good and all, and might even help some people lift their spirits, but when none of these things does anything to address your actual palpable problems, it's like pouring water into a bottomless pit, trying to fill it up.
Thank you for your perspective on recovery, very helpful.

 

[pickajack]

Enjoying this thread. @Stick Glad you are preserving some hope for recovery. I feel similarly, though I don't have imminent plans to ctb. Rooting for you and your recovery.
Sending encouragement to all participating.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I wanted to hear your opinions. On this site, it seems you pick one of two paths - you're either actively planning to CTB, or you're in recovery...But are you really?

I planned to CTB, then my plan was interrupted and proven ineffective and risky. I simply didn't have the mental capacity to come up with a new idea, so I didn't attempt again. I still want to die every day, and while there was a bit of a numb relief immediately after the initial failed date, things are getting worse every day now. Am I in recovery because I am not taking steps to make up a new plan? Am I not?

I guess, what I really want to know is what does recovery mean for you?

It is not binary.
You can be depressed and getting worse, but not planning to end your life.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

To answer the question and without having read the rest of the thread, I personally don't believe anyone can claim they've fully recovered if they're still suffering. Even if they no longer want to CTB but are still suffering enough then that could just potentially breed future CTB plans anyway so how could that truly be recovery? That's just my take anyway...

 

[MrBigSad]

To me. Being in recovery ,/ recovering means wanting to live. I tried to ctb and failed. Now I'm glad I failed.

I've decided after some planning instead of ctb I will wander off into the woods and live as a wild man. Hunting animals and screaming at existence.

Therefore I am in recovery.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Even if they no longer want to CTB but are still suffering enough then that could just potentially breed future CTB plans anyway so how could that truly be recovery? That's just my take anyway...

Thank you for your take. You're asking a very interesting question, that's about the same thing I asked myself - how are you recovered by not actively trying to CTB if you don't really feel better and might go right back to actively planning any day?

I tried to ctb and failed. Now I'm glad I failed.

Wow. Would you mind sharing what made you feel good about failing? What made you change your mind so much?

 

[MrBigSad]

Thank you for your take. You're asking a very interesting question, that's about the same thing I asked myself - how are you recovered by not actively trying to CTB if you don't really feel better and might go right back to actively planning any day?


Wow. Would you mind sharing what made you feel good about failing? What made you change your mind so much?

Drowning was a horrific experience. And I realise pretty much all my problems stem from modern worries. Living up to expectations, being a good citizen. Working my ass off all day with no respect or gratitude for barely any pay. All of these problems go away if I "self isolate" the way nature intended. Plus I can pick fruits to ferment my own wine and get black out drunk where I won't make an embarrassment of myself.

 

[Sensei]

Difficult question. Spontaneously, I'd say that the less you think about suicide, the farther into your recovery you are. However, recovery is obviously subjective, so maybe it's all about how you feel, i.e. if you feel that you're recovering, you are in recovery.

 

[mr.smileysad]

This just sounds like you are prolonging your life because you can't end it but if you can find something that actually makes you happy then I guess that would qualify as recovery

I wanted to hear your opinions. On this site, it seems you pick one of two paths - you're either actively planning to CTB, or you're in recovery...But are you really?

I planned to CTB, then my plan was interrupted and proven ineffective and risky. I simply didn't have the mental capacity to come up with a new idea, so I didn't attempt again. I still want to die every day, and while there was a bit of a numb relief immediately after the initial failed date, things are getting worse every day now. Am I in recovery because I am not taking steps to make up a new plan? Am I not?

I guess, what I really want to know is what does recovery mean for you?