Discussion Is anyone scared that they might pass on their depressive genes to their children?

[MissNietzsche]

I know this might be controversial because a lot of you are antinatalists here, but one of the biggest reasons I haven't ctb'ed yet is my dream of one day marrying the love of my life and raising our children.

The catch is, I would never do this if I wasn't certain I could provide a good life for them..which includes me not being a depressed mother.

And while I believe recovery from depression is possible for me (I've done it once), what I'm scared of is the high probability that I might pass this onto any future children. I don't know how I would live through having a suicidal child. And just knowing how severe I am, my family history, and my personality regardless of the depression (my existentialism), I'm scared of my children ending up this way due to nature despite my best efforts to save them through nurture.

What does everyone else think?

 

[L-L]

I think about this all of the time. I think that if I do ever make the decision to have a child then I'll most likely adopt one and do the best I can that way.

The reason is say this is that, even if depression isn't 100% inherited, surely there must be a risk factor? That risk factor, I imagine, is polygenic and I imagine it gives a predisposition to a variety of different "disorders" - for example genes that have been linked with Depression have also been linked with OCD or PTSD - meaning there's no single gene. I just wouldn't want to risk passing it on, but I realise I've got a lot of love to give at the same time.

On the other hand - I often wonder this and don't know how many people would agree with me: if you could, in theory, edit a person's genome so it removes their depression, would you do it? My immediate answer is always "yes", but then I think that if I removed my depression and self-loathing would I be the same person I am today? How do I know that I wouldn't be a worse person than I am now? Would it change my personality make me a better, or worse, father, partner, son or brother etc?

Sorry for the random thought-vomit, and if I hijacked your original question - but I do find it very interesting.

 

[Fragile]

this is THE main reason why i don't want to have children ever, i wouldn't want anyone to live a life like this with so many illnesses and complications.

but my case is a bit different from yours, i have a genetic condition and very high predisposition for cancer and other issues like chronic pain and very bad cardiac problems.

however i do believe that you can save a child from depression, even if it's genetic, in my opinion this is more of a nurture vs nature kind of situation, if you give them an environment in which they can actually learn how to deal with it, how to move forward and feel accepted, then there is hope for them and for you as a mother. of course this is not something that you want to do alone, your partner needs to be there and provide their support in order to raise your children in a good and loving way.

at the end of the day this is your decision and you are the only one who can make it, and even if you do everything the right way there's no telling how they will turn out, but your dream is definitely something that i can respect even if i have different world views.

and technology is advancing quite a bit, now you can seek genetic counseling and at least guarantee that they are born without bad genetic abnormalities, maybe one day we'll find what genes are related to depression and your kids will be born without it.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I never wanted children. To be honest I really don't like them. It's stronger thanks dislike. It's kind of like a hate. Now don't all gasp and clutch your pearls. Some people just aren't kid lovers. I think they take up too much time in someones life when they could be really living.

 

[a_strange_day]

Yes, but it's no big deal since I never wanted children. I neither love nor hate them, it's just that I don't have what it takes to be a father and don't want to be responsible for another human life. But I am not antinatalist at all and dont have any problem with people wanting or having children as long as they keep them away from me.

 

[LivingToLong]

I made a very deliberate decision not to have children.

There are a few reasons but none are to do with nature; i.e. passing on my genes, depressive or otherwise, but certainly partly because of nurture. That is, I knew I would not be a good parent due to my instability and mood swings. I wouldn't want to bring up children in that environment because it would f*ck them up - I knew I would f*ck them up.

My father was an unhappy and violent man with a quick temper. I grew up afraid of him (on the plus side, it taught me some 'smarts'; I knew when to keep my mouth shut and when to keep my head down) So it was quite categorically NOT a good environment to grow up in (not the worst either btw) and no way did I want to risk doing the same to my own children.

Bringing up children is hard, and a huge responsibility. I'm too selfish and too messed up to take on that responsibility.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I have children, I had them before shit hit my life fully (It was always there bubbling, I just never saw it as to me it was normal!) When I met my husband, life was good and we have gone on to have 4 children, It's only this year my issues have shown themselves. 3 out of 4 of my children are totally normal, no issues, One sadly though I feel will be going down the path of issues and depression, he's only 7 but already talks about wanting to die and hates hearing the words I love you, he is quick to temper, he spoke the other week about how he wanted to harm his brother, he already killed one of our hamsters, the list is endless.
I have often wondered if this is nurture or nature, but seeing how my other children are I am starting to think there's something that is in built no matter what you do. Hopefully early intervention for this one will help, but who knows, I do feel bad for him, I brought him into this hell BUT You can never predict the future, you can only go on the what you have now's and go on that and deal with it as it happens

 

[Santiago]

I don't think I will ever have children, but for me it would be the complete opposite.

I would absolutely love to raise my children and make sure they have the things that I didn't get in my youth. I feel like it would also bring some peace to me and perhaps fill that void of not knowing what a true loving household is.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I don't plan on having children ever
Since they can't consent to being born

 

[Mr2005]

I don't plan on having children ever
Since they can't consent to being born

So we just die out then? I've heard this case made before and it sounds ludicrous to my ears. It's the wonky face I wouldn't want to pass on as my dad passed it onto me and then decided not to help me with it. "If I have to live with it why can't you" those were his exact words

 

[WhyIsLife56]

So we just die out then? I've heard this case made before and it sounds ludicrous to my ears. It's the wonky face I wouldn't want to pass on as my dad passed it onto me and then decided not to help me with it. "If I have to live with it why can't you" those were his exact words

Humans are going to go instinct at some point in the future. We're going to die out just like any other species.
Let me ask you this: Did you ask for all of this? Being born? Going to school? Getting depressed? The fact that you have to die during your life?

 

[Mr2005]

Not that I know of. I didn't ask not to be either. I don't hold a grudge that I came into existence I hold a grudge they failed me when I needed them.

 

[Moonicide]

Yep. It's the main reason why I'm almost 30, not married, and have no children in sight.
I'm ctbing soon so this doesn't matter much anymore. But I have always desired to be a mother, just wanted to get my shit together before I ever did. Which is clearly not happening. I think it's for the best given the fact my whole family is mentally ill. Definitely wouldn't want to do that to child.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Transgenerational trauma - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

There is a theory on this. Personally I will not have children, I wouldn't want my behaviour to be pushed onto them. Also, due to abuse suffered as a child, I'm not sure how to correctly love a child. My psych thinks I have potential to be a great parent one day. But then she also thinks I have a high probability of recovering. Not sure in which universe lol.

 

[Jean Améry]

If you don't reproduce there's 0% chance of passing on defective genes, having to witness one's children's suffering or having to feel guilty because one is indirectly responsible for one's offspring's suffering.

Everyone who reproduces gambles with the well-being/ability to experience pain and horror of another. Nobody can guarantee their child will be happy, healthy, lucky... Of course there's genetics and statistics but this basic fact remains.

If you don't want to take the chance a child will inherit your bad genes (I do want to read the study that identifies genetically predisposed depression btw) yet you still want the experience of being a mother the solution is simple: adopt. That's the only way of getting to live guilt-free as a mom/dad, at least so long as one takes good care of the child. Which is difficult enough as far as I know.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

This is just my experience: I wasn't diagnosed with depression until age 32, PTSD until age 52, and Borderline PD until age 55. My daughter was born when I was 23. She started manifesting signs of depression at age 10, and had I known any of my diagnoses, I would never have had children. I have incredible amounts of guilt, and now her son, (my grandson, 7), is saying possible depressive things.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I have children and I wonder about this sometimes. But I believe that life has a tendency to be depressing all on its own. Even if you're not genetically predisposed towards it, you're going to come face to face with it and either cope or spiral into it accordingly.

Everyone battles depression so I find it an odd question to be asked about. I feel like the current system just uses this question as a form of controlling you or your behavior to some degree.

 

[Mr2005]

I have children and I wonder about this sometimes. But I believe that life has a tendency to be depressing all on its own. Even if you're not genetically predisposed towards it, you're going to come face to face with it and either cope or spiral into it accordingly.

Everyone battles depression so I find it an odd question to be asked about. I feel like the current system just uses this question as a form of controlling you or your behavior to some degree.

That's it. Life is depressing and there's nothing a therapist can do to fix that. They may very well be a product of the system that depresses you. With everything that goes on it could be said that people who have no problems at all are mentally ill but in a mentally ill society they're the normal ones

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I don't plan on having children ever
Since they can't consent to being born

if you don't want to have been born, that your right to CTB is there, its a complicated situation,
BUT I ask how does a parent wanting children, in a normal family with in the current situation no issues or problems, ask a embryo if they wish to be created into a living breathing human being?!!

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Yup, in part this is why I'm never gonna have a family. However I'm much more scared of being a horrible mother to them due to my depression. I keep telling myself that I don't want kids anyway but I guess a part of me longs to have a loving family of my own.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

if you don't want to have been born, that your right to CTB is there, its a complicated situation,
BUT I ask how does a parent wanting children, in a normal family with in the current situation no issues or problems, ask a embryo if they wish to be created into a living breathing human being?!!

They can't. A non existent baby doesn't have the desire to be born hence non existence. Something that doesn't exist doesn't have desires whatsoever.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

They can't. A non existent baby doesn't have the desire to be born hence non existence. Something that doesn't exist doesn't have desires whatsoever.

this to me makes your statement of never asking to be born invalid then, how can something that has no existence in this world request whether to be born or not? They have to be created in order to then have a conscious to enable them to have the choice to live or die!

 

[R_N]

I see life as risky and potentially full of suffering. I would never bring another human being into existence. It is like playing russian roulette.

 

[Shinbu]

I'm not having any children. Too much of a gamble for me to put them into this world, and I wouldn't want to be a father even if I did decide to have children, and change my mindset. They will not like it, or like it. I would grant them the ability to feel pain, and all the other bad. Also they would be granted a death timer assigned by nature. I don't want my kid asking why do people die?. It would feel like why did you create me when people die?. My uncle has asked that question to my grandma once as a kid, and he is a drug addict now in a another state away from all of us. I already asked that question before as a kid why do people die?. When my grandpa passed away. You do you. If you want motherhood go for it. No matter how good the QoL for them is. It is not guaranteed that someone will be happy with life. I seen the rich depressed.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

this to me makes your statement of never asking to be born invalid then, how can something that has no existence in this world request whether to be born or not? They have to be created in order to then have a conscious to enable them to have the choice to live or die!

It doesn't make it invalid. Something that doesn't have a conscience whether that being an animal or human doesn't have a desire to be born. It's only when you're alive that you have desires which is why people go through competition and jealousy and envy and whatnot. The unborn doesn't have those kind of needs. It doesn't want ot need anything. The parent creates those needs. I emphasize create. They create those needs when it naturally didn't need or want to.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

It doesn't make it invalid. Something that doesn't have a conscience whether that being an animal or human doesn't have a desire to be born. It's only when you're alive that you have desires which is why people go through competition and jealousy and envy and whatnot. The unborn doesn't have those kind of needs. It doesn't want ot need anything. The parent creates those needs. I emphasize create. They create those needs when it naturally didn't need or want to.

but how can we be certain it didn't want it, just because our mindset is one of self loathing and not wanting this life, those that have amazing live's, they may have chosen to exist and have the desire to be here?

 

[WhyIsLife56]

but how can we be certain it didn't want it, just because our mindset is one of self loathing and not wanting this life, those that have amazing live's, they may have chosen to exist and have the desire to be here?

Nonexistent beings don't have desires. Having desires is what makes a living being alive.
Dead people don't have desires either. Dead people don't exist anymore. They're nonexistent. Or they would've been eating and going to the bathroom everyday.
Living beings have desires such as the need to eat, the need to survive, the need to sleep, the desire to be happy, the desire to have a happy life etc.

 

[Final Escape]

That's the last thing I would worry about. Depression may have some genetic predisposition but it's the environment that turns genes on and off. So hopefully if u parented well and your kid had both bio parents staying together the risk is lower. Depression is more often the environment than something just occurs for no reason. You have to look at your quality of life, your relationships, employment, everything in the environment. Even food and drugs, and like even dental amalgam can cause mental health problems and flouride in the stuff u drink or eat.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Nonexistent beings don't have desires. Having desires is what makes a living being alive.
Dead people don't have desires either. Dead people don't exist anymore. They're nonexistent. Or they would've been eating and going to the bathroom everyday.
Living beings have desires such as the need to eat, the need to survive, the need to sleep, the desire to be happy, the desire to have a happy life etc.

But who are we to chose this chance in reality, unless we are given the chance, we will never have that choice, and surely every soul, being, DNA sample has that right to chose
Don't get me wrong, I wish i was never born, I hate the way my life has panned out, but in reality we are all born through people's desires to birth a human into this world, whether its through love, desperation, abuse or force, the birthing human's needs at this time are paramount to anything else that exists at that moment.
All that can happen is when the life created is old enough, the choice of leaving this world should not be one of judgement, but one of choosing with support and will.

 

[Mr2005]

It doesn't make it invalid. Something that doesn't have a conscience whether that being an animal or human doesn't have a desire to be born. It's only when you're alive that you have desires which is why people go through competition and jealousy and envy and whatnot. The unborn doesn't have those kind of needs. It doesn't want ot need anything. The parent creates those needs. I emphasize create. They create those needs when it naturally didn't need or want to.

You can't argue it goes against nature. It is what nature is.