Is anyone else so afraid of living that death doesn't feel scary?

[trynacbt]

I honestly feel so relieved/grateful to have found this site, and my method, that sometimes it seems too good to be true. I feel like I was meant to find this way out, was meant to end my life by my own hand, and that there isn't any other way for me. Does anyone else feel this sense of certainty around ctb? To the point that it doesn't even feel scary anymore?

 

[Rachel74]

I thought I did then once I got it and had it I knew I actually didn't want to CTB. Yes I'm ill and I'll never get better but I also know I have to try and try again.
I'm lucky I have love and my dogs and that is what is keeping me here, plus I'm too damn stubborn to let this bipolar beat me again.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I honestly feel so relieved/grateful to have found this site, and my method, that sometimes it seems too good to be true. I feel like I was meant to find this way out, was meant to end my life by my own hand, and that there isn't any other way for me. Does anyone else feel this sense of certainty around ctb? To the point that it doesn't even feel scary anymore?

I wish I would feel this way- I really am not enjoying life anymore & find life very scary and really want out, but I still find the thought & process of ctb by my own hands the most profoundly terrifying thing- kind of feels like ive thought about it for too long now, done too much research, tried too many times - and it has just got scarier & scarier in my psyche. I really wish I had just got on and done it, when I first started to feel suicidal- I wish id been able to just act on 'impulsive' as it were, upon that intial feeling and desire I had to kill myself.

 

[BrightDusk]

CTB brings me a sense of comfort that I can't say I get from anything else. When life feels like it's too much to bear, (which is a lot, lately) I tend to go back to my fantasies of ending it all and suddenly I'm calm and comfortable again. I haven't even decided on one particular method yet, but death is not only "not scary" anymore, but it's become appealing.

 

[lofistos345]

I honestly feel so relieved/grateful to have found this site, and my method, that sometimes it seems too good to be true. I feel like I was meant to find this way out, was meant to end my life by my own hand, and that there isn't any other way for me. Does anyone else feel this sense of certainty around ctb? To the point that it doesn't even feel scary anymore?

I feel the same way. I'm so glad to find the SS community. I have my SN with me all the times. If I want to leave I know how.

 

[WhiteDespair]

CTB brings me a sense of comfort that I can't say I get from anything else. When life feels like it's too much to bear, (which is a lot, lately) I tend to go back to my fantasies of ending it all and suddenly I'm calm and comfortable again. I haven't even decided on one particular method yet, but death is not only "not scary" anymore, but it's become appealing.

Same.

 

[MeltingHeart]

CTB brings me a sense of comfort that I can't say I get from anything else. When life feels like it's too much to bear, (which is a lot, lately) I tend to go back to my fantasies of ending it all and suddenly I'm calm and comfortable again. I haven't even decided on one particular method yet, but death is not only "not scary" anymore, but it's become appealing.

It cant cease to amaze me when people feel not scared of death- I thought it was just and in built human mechanism-im fascinated- I wish I would feel the same. I keep trying to 'trick' myself into it - like when well when im gone I wont know anyway, so I will no longer be scared, or its just like going to sleep etc. but I cant combat/ over come the fear- even though waking up everyday is panic inducing-to face another day :(

 

[Rachel74]

It cant cease to amaze me when people feel not scared of death- I thought it was just and in built human mechanism-im fascinated- I wish I would feel the same. I keep trying to 'trick' myself into it - like when well when im gone I wont know anyway, so I will no longer be scared, or its just like going to sleep etc. but I cant combat/ over come the fear- even though waking up everyday is panic inducing-to face another day :(

I'm the same, the thought terrifies me but with some they've wait a long time for this so I can understand the calm before it.

 

[Daniela]

I fear living and I fear surviving CTB equally which is hell. Feels like a horrible dream.

 

[WhiteDespair]

The distinction between dying and death is important.

 

[MeltingHeart]

CTB brings me a sense of comfort that I can't say I get from anything else. When life feels like it's too much to bear, (which is a lot, lately) I tend to go back to my fantasies of ending it all and suddenly I'm calm and comfortable again. I haven't even decided on one particular method yet, but death is not only "not scary" anymore, but it's become appealing.

Wow. I need yr mind set!

 

[WhiteDespair]

Wow. I need yr mind set!

Be careful for what you wish.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I'm the same, the thought terrifies me but with some they've wait a long time for this so I can understand the calm before it.

How long is one meant to wait in a state of mental torture before feeling 'calm' enough commit an act that is so in built in human nature to go against- I guess it's different for everyone - I just wish I'd reached a state of 'calm' about it - I prob just envious , that and distrught my SN got found / taken.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Yes. I worked hard to achieve that sate and Im so glad I dont have an enourmous amount of fear and SI to overcome. This life is fucking shit.