Is anyone else permanently traumatized from being put into psychiatric wards and have that as the reason they got pushed to ctb?

[nembutaldream]

I was doing ok until a therapist I thought I could trust and some others had me put into a ward and I went through absolutely horrific abuse there. After that my desire to ctb soon increased x1000. Before it was a vague fallback plan; afterwards it has become much more tangible.

 

[needthebus]

because i was treated so poorly when involuntarily hospitalized, i refuse to get care now (since if i were honest about how suicidal i am it could result in more degrading involuntary care).

i still have intrusive memories about the place because i was treated with such cruelty by the staff and the rules were so oppressive and caused so much extreme psychological suffering.

i feel permanently traumatized and my time at this place is part of the reason i want to ctb

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Yes it was incredibly humiliating and one of the things that sealed my eventually CTB.

 

[NitrogenAfternoon]

I was in a psych ward 12 years ago and the experience still haunts me. It makes me so hesitant to even reach out for help, and I will never check myself in again. Ever. I rather CTB than go through that hell.

 

[nembutaldream]

Thanks for all the responses. It's good to know I'm not alone. What's ironic and maddening is the scum who put us there think they're "good people" for doing that even though it's the lazy, selfish way out.

 

[NoRespawn]

The only traumatizing thing for me is the extreme boredom and insomnia, since I can't flood my brain with endless dopamine and I'm forced to communicate with others about things I would never think about.

 

[bunny]

I've spent a lot of time institutionalized. Unfortunately, they don't help me very much. Medication is futile; I am treatment-resistant.

 

[lucaricoomio]

Also had a terrible inpatient experience, tried to appeal my section only to be placed on a more restrictive one, wasn't allowed to leave my room for a month etcetc

It did stop me from ctbing at the time so it was successful I guess? Fucking awful tho, it really saddens me that the last resort help for suicidal people is so bad and inconsistent.

 

[alivebutnotliving]

Yes, the ward I was involuntarily put in used solitary confinement as a method of discipline for patients, they caught me self harming and there I sat in that concrete room. Solitary confinement really hurts the brain, I have diagnosed ptsd as a result. I'm sorry to hear of your experience. You did not deserve that, you deserve gentleness and grace . <3

 

[lastch]

I was involuntarily hospitalised due to being in a psychosis. I documented my psychosis on a Snapchat private story for everyone to see. I was a social care student so I knew what good healthcare practice was and I was not receiving it. This only made things worse as I tried to protest the horrible conditions. There was one kind nurse that sat me down and made me feel safe and told me how I needed to act to get out. Other than that nurses were threatening me, speaking poorly and making fun of me.

 

[nembutaldream]

I was in a psych ward 12 years ago and the experience still haunts me. It makes me so hesitant to even reach out for help, and I will never check myself in again. Ever. I rather CTB than go through that hell.

Same same. I will NEVER admit suicidal ideation / planning to anyone except fellow suicidal people again. Even then, I'll be cautious.

because i was treated so poorly when involuntarily hospitalized, i refuse to get care now (since if i were honest about how suicidal i am it could result in more degrading involuntary care).

i still have intrusive memories about the place because i was treated with such cruelty by the staff and the rules were so oppressive and caused so much extreme psychological suffering.

i feel permanently traumatized and my time at this place is part of the reason i want to ctb

I could've written this. I was horrifically abused, it was the straw that broke my back for sure.

Yes it was incredibly humiliating and one of the things that sealed my eventually CTB.

Yup, me too.

 

[depthss]

i had 3 bottles of liquor the night i tried to kill myself, so i dont remember much. but i do remember that when the RCMP came, they kicked my door open while i was right in front of it and hit me in the head. i was too drunk to feel it or care at the time, but my head hurt for quite a few days after. they also put me in cuffs. i have zero memory of the ride to the hospital. me experience in the unit wasnt bad by itself, but just the feeling that i had no control over what happened to me was dreadful