Discussion Is anyone else delaying their suicide because of different reasons?

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

People ctb left and right, especially here. I can't seem to come close enough. Idk if I'm scared or what... It feels like I'm the only one who's constantly delaying it... Is anyone else afraid of making the final step? Why is it so hard to simply stop living, when you know you'll never be happy and satisfied with your life? Does anyone know how to become ready?

 

[HelloHell]

You're not alone. i've been delaying mine for more than 2 years, but i think i'm almost there
hope you can figure out how to get yourself ready

 

[SpinTop555]

Yes, every day I want to ctb, I have reasons I haven't yet, and also I'm just a bit scared that there's something after here, sometimes I hope there is, so I can see my Dad again, but most times I hope it's just oblivion... Wish I'd died way back when I was a teenager and od'd... Things are more complicated now, I'm very torn about ctb but I always hope to die in my sleep or meet with a fatal accident

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

You're not alone. i've been delaying mine for more than 2 years, but i think i'm almost there
hope you can figure out how to get yourself ready

And what made you feel ready, if you don't mind me asking?

Yes, every day I want to ctb, I have reasons I haven't yet, and also I'm just a bit scared that there's something after here, sometimes I hope there is, so I can see my Dad again, but most times I hope it's just oblivion... Wish I'd died way back when I was a teenager and od'd... Things are more complicated now, I'm very torn about ctb but I always hope to die in my sleep or meet with a fatal accident

Are you sure these reasons are not just an excuse? I'm sorry if I'm being insensitive. I don't know you or your situation. But it feels like I personally make excuses after excuses not to cross that line.

 

[Steamm]

because I'm scared, but it'll happen, sooner or later.

 

[Moon Flower]

Two reasons. My s/o always seems to know when I'll make an attempt so it's a matter of finding a time where I can't be stopped, and the other is that I have a friend from here who wants me there when she chooses to ctb, and I won't bail out before seeing her off

 

[Symbiote]

I've decided to delay mine and see if I can survive through a divorce and try to make it out on my own afterwards in a new city, new environment, before I kick the bucket or realize it's futile and give up.

 

[Nymph]

I have to delay mine for many years because of my bunny. He's attached to me and doesn't even wanna free roam when I'm not with him:/

 

[drwt]

I have to delay mine for many years because of my bunny. He's attached to me and doesn't even wanna free roam when I'm not with him:/

That's so cute and caring of you.

I wish my ex would have been that considerate. She left the cat and me behind (she made sure to feed the cat though.. )

To answer the OP: I would have already done it if it wasn't for a bunch of savings I have left. Wasting all the money I worked really hard for feels wrong. After covid I'll scatter it all and then reconsider my feelings again..

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Two reasons. My s/o always seems to know when I'll make an attempt so it's a matter of finding a time where I can't be stopped, and the other is that I have a friend from here who wants me there when she chooses to ctb, and I won't bail out before seeing her off

I've decided to delay mine and see if I can survive through a divorce and try to make it out on my own afterwards in a new city, new environment, before I kick the bucket or realize it's futile and give up.

I have to delay mine for many years because of my bunny. He's attached to me and doesn't even wanna free roam when I'm not with him:/

That's so cute and caring of you.

I wish my ex would have been that considerate. She left the cat and me behind (she made sure to feed the cat though.. )

To answer the OP: I would have already done it if it wasn't for a bunch of savings I have left. Wasting all the money I worked really hard for feels wrong. After covid I'll scatter it all and then reconsider my feelings again..

So basically no one's really scared. Everyone's pretty much ready. Idk if it's bad or not, but I'm kinda envious. How the hell you do it? I can't even make myself buy the needed supplies.

 

[MewtwoIsAlive]

I have to delay mine for many years because of my bunny. He's attached to me and doesn't even wanna free roam when I'm not with him:/

A buwny?!

Im delaying mine because of this f*ckedup covid, I cant ctb while my parents are at home everyday....

 

[drwt]

So basically no one's really scared. Everyone's pretty much ready. Idk if it's bad or not, but I'm kinda envious. How the hell you do it? I can't even make myself buy the needed supplies.

Didn't say that I wasn't scared. I would be lying if I said it's easy. Almost everybody on this board here is scared and that's why they're still here. I don't think many of us have hope left (maybe a tiny amount) but it's mostly the fear that holds us back.
In the moments where I was about to do it my brain was never functioning right, I was highly depressed and traumatized. Planning it, and setting a date and then doing it almost never works. You need enormous courage to actually ctb like that.
Suicide is imo a paradox, it's being weak and being strong at the same time.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Dislike the term suicide is weak. Many of us here have tried to ctb, can any of us say at the moment we tried we were weak. I believe we are some of the strongest troubled souls you will ever meet.

 

[Nymph]

A buwny?!

Im delaying mine because of this f*ckedup covid, I cant ctb while my parents are at home everyday....

Yeah, I got him and I know my parents won't take care of him and he's attached to me so If I die I might shorten his life too

So basically no one's really scared. Everyone's pretty much ready. Idk if it's bad or not, but I'm kinda envious. How the hell you do it? I can't even make myself buy the needed supplies.

If you're so afraid then that probably means you aren't ready and it's good, no? Or I'm not sure but it takes time to prepare and be okay with death. Sometimes people will never stop fearing death but I personally don't find it that scary.

That's so cute and caring of you.

I wish my ex would have been that considerate. She left the cat and me behind (she made sure to feed the cat though.. )

To answer the OP: I would have already done it if it wasn't for a bunch of savings I have left. Wasting all the money I worked really hard for feels wrong. After covid I'll scatter it all and then reconsider my feelings again..

Yeah I wish I had less feelings and didn't care so that I could just do it now. But I know he will probably be depressed when I die


She probably trusted you that you can take good care of her cat?:)

 

[drwt]

Dislike the term suicide is weak. Many of us here have tried to ctb, can any of us say at the moment we tried we were weak. I believe we are some of the strongest troubled souls you will ever meet.

That's why I put an imo in there yknow? It's only my opinion
And I've attempted myself as well, and not just once. I know how it feels, I've felt the emotions and the struggle myself.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Don't laugh but season 2 finale of mandalorian.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Now I'm even more depressed. So not only I'm fucked up, I'm the biggest coward there is. I was thinking to try before New Year's. But my mom loves these holidays so much, she's gonna hate me forever if I ruin them for her like that.

Yeah, I got him and I know my parents won't take care of him and he's attached to me so If I die I might shorten his life too

If you're so afraid then that probably means you aren't ready and it's good, no? Or I'm not sure but it takes time to prepare and be okay with death. Sometimes people will never stop fearing death but I personally don't find it that scary.

Yeah I wish I had less feelings and didn't care so that I could just do it now. But I know he will probably be depressed when I die


She probably trusted you that you can take good care of her cat?:)

Nothing good about it. While I'm so scared, I'm suffering through. But I keep on listening to people around, who say I've got no reasons to cbt. I'm thinking to start taking meds as antidepressants to try to feel less afraid. Could it help somehow?

I have to delay mine for many years because of my bunny. He's attached to me and doesn't even wanna free roam when I'm not with him:/

That's really amazing.
I have two cats. But I know my mother would take care of them.
Btw, anyone knows, is it safe to keep a 1 kg/ 2.2 pounds of SN at home, where it's pretty warm? I've read it requires low temperature. But I think such a small amount shouldn't be dangerous, right? I'm thinking it's time to buy stuff at least.

 

[Pol]

delaying it because of false hope

 

[Forgotten]

Yes, I should've caught the bus 4 years ago, well a decade ago actually when things started going downhill, but 4 years ago was when I finally reached the point of no return, so I should've ended it right there and then. I keep delaying it for too many reasons, but the end is near, I can feel it.

 

[fatmanatee]

I was going to the Sunday before last, but it was somebody's birthday coming up. That person wouldn't really care, but I just didn't want there to be drama near it...which there had been for 2 years in a row.

 

[Bigpink]

Despite intent for many years, I've not attempted. Possibly due to cowardice and the fact I cannot have an attempt which fail, that would be unbearable.

I keep busy enough with things I like but would go now if I could.

 

[SpinTop555]

And what made you feel ready, if you don't mind me asking?

Are you sure these reasons are not just an excuse? I'm sorry if I'm being insensitive. I don't know you or your situation. But it feels like I personally make excuses after excuses not to cross that line.

I am sure the reasons are not excuses, there's one person in particular I must consider, and I'm definitely scared of the possibility of there being anything other than nothing after exiting this existence, it seems like every single move we make is a gamble. I hate it. Are we damned if we do (stay), and damned if we don't (go)? I honestly wish someone would take the decision out of my hands and do it for me.

 

[Salvation_]

So basically no one's really scared. Everyone's pretty much ready. Idk if it's bad or not, but I'm kinda envious. How the hell you do it? I can't even make myself buy the needed supplies.

I bought my supplies (SN) out of fear that they'll place stricter regulations on them in the future in my country. It's nice to be prepared, I guess, because you'll never know how good you have it until it's already gone. I'm in the same wavelength, though, not quite ready yet...