ringo99
Arcanist
- Apr 18, 2023
- 411
In my case it's both. My nephew and niece look up to me as some kind of fun uncle because I would play with them a ton when they were kids. They're in their teens and I should stay away from them now. I'm dead weight and they've got tons of people around them who'd be much better at guiding them in this stage of their lives. I almost never visit them now and even though I had a chance to see my niece today I stayed away by giving a lame excuse about needing to work. I know she's hurt and it crushed me to say the words but I know that they're better off forgetting about me.
At work I'm avoiding meals with my colleagues and limited my interactions even in chat. I don't say a word any more during meetings unless I'm directly asked something. I'm essentially a zombie going through the motions. I'm making more mistakes but I don't care anymore. Something inside me is preventing me from quitting. I'm hoping to get fired so that I can finally be free of that decision.
I'm even becoming irritable and aloof towards my mom who I'm close to. I really want as many people as possible to dislike or forget about me so that the smallest possible number of people are affected when I finally take my life. It causes pain like I've never felt before but I know it has to be done.
I anesthetize myself with youtube videos and mindless browsing. Each day melds into the next and I lose track of time often. There are days when I don't even feel like I inhabit my own body.
At work I'm avoiding meals with my colleagues and limited my interactions even in chat. I don't say a word any more during meetings unless I'm directly asked something. I'm essentially a zombie going through the motions. I'm making more mistakes but I don't care anymore. Something inside me is preventing me from quitting. I'm hoping to get fired so that I can finally be free of that decision.
I'm even becoming irritable and aloof towards my mom who I'm close to. I really want as many people as possible to dislike or forget about me so that the smallest possible number of people are affected when I finally take my life. It causes pain like I've never felt before but I know it has to be done.
I anesthetize myself with youtube videos and mindless browsing. Each day melds into the next and I lose track of time often. There are days when I don't even feel like I inhabit my own body.