Is anyone else being abused?

[HyperEclipse]

I'm 23 and I live with my mom. She abuses me emotionally and physically. I get yelled at, screamed at, shamed, guilted, mocked, criticized, ridiculed. I get grabbed, shoved, pushed, wall slammed, threatened, and occasionally hit. And I often get blamed for the abuse and sometimes I lose sight of who's the monster: me or her? Sometimes I believe I deserve it, sometimes I believe I caused it. Sometimes I think it's my fault. Sometimes I think I'm overreacting. I don't always know if it's really happening or if I'm being dramatic or remembering wrong. I don't up from down or left from right.

I'm not even sure while I'm writing this and it makes me feel guilty. It feels dirty. I'm not looking for suggestions, there's no way out. But I want to know if there's others out there like me.

 

[lackadazeE]

I've never been physically abused unless you count spanking which did actually leave me quite mentally scarred despite what most people have to say about that kind of discipline. I've only ever really had a father and honestly I'd much preferred if he had died along with my mom. We hardly ever talk and when we do it's just him hating my existence and mocking whatever interests I have. Sometimes I feel I still love him because he has days where he treats me like I'm actually worth something but at the end of the day he shows his true colors and I find myself hating him all over again. You aren't alone, though what I've been through can't compare to what you had to go through I still sympathize with some of your experiences. I wish you the best.

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

Yes I've been through a shit ton of fucking abuse throughout my life.

I've never been physically abused unless you count spanking which did actually leave me quite mentally scarred despite what most people have to say about that kind of discipline. I've only ever really had a father and honestly I'd much preferred if he had died along with my mom. We hardly ever talk and when we do it's just him hating my existence and mocking whatever interests I have. Sometimes I feel I still love him because he has days where he treats me like I'm actually worth something but at the end of the day he shows his true colors and I find myself hating him all over again. You aren't alone, though what I've been through can't compare to what you had to go through I still sympathize with some of your experiences. I wish you the best.

Spanking can count as sexual and physical abuse but it's up to you to label it however you wish as it's your experience.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not ever in the extremes that you are- I'm so sorry. I would say I grew up with a (suspected) narcissist though and I would describe them as abusive definitely. Far less physical assault- although there was some. Much more psychological/emotional abuse. Plenty of bullying and a lot of making themselves out to be the victim and getting me into deep trouble for things I hadn't done.

I especially wanted to respond to you because of this. It's very common for narcissists to play the victim and 'gaslight' you into believing that you are the bad person in all this. I'd highly recommend you looking into narcissism. I may be wrong but your Mum does seem to have traits. I highly recommend the YouTube channels: 'Live Abuse Free' and 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy.'

For me personally- it was years after that I came across the description of narcissism and it was so liberating for me. Not that it could ever be an official diagnosis but- basically- all their peculiar behaviour was there. Suddenly- there was a reason why they had behaved like this. For some time and especially at the time- I used to wrack my brains on whether I had actually done something to provoke them. I pity you so much. I hope you are nearing a time where you can get out of that situation. Leaving home for uni improved things a lot for me.

 

[アホペンギン]

I have been abused many times throughout my life, my childhood and early teenage years were practically marked by getting abused nearly daily, both physical (including sexual, but that wasn't until very recently) and mental abuse (neglect for my mental health combined with insults and all the other abuse I had to endure destroyed my mental state.)

I actually think the same way as you, when I remember all the times I had gotten abused. I think, I did something to deserve the constant abuse since.. my siblings didn't recieve such mistreatment or at least, not with such severity.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

My mother was a malignant narcissist and she put me through the same kind of abuse that you are going through.
Your mother sounds very much like a narcissist too. These people are evil and they are incapable of admitting that they are at fault and blame others for everything.
These assholes are also incapable of changing for the better because they are extremely weak and selfish, and incapable of showing empathy for others.
No amount of trying to reason with them will ever work because they cannot be reasoned with.
In their own pathetic little world they view themselves as being superior to others and are right about everything, even when they are wrong.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

My first real abused happened at the hands of 2 girls a couple of years older than me.

 

[byebyeblondie]

I've been abused emotionally, sexually and physically by men in the past. My two previous relationships were very toxic. One would do awful things. He used to smash glasses and then pick up the biggest shards and put them to my neck/ cheek. He'd push my head into the duvet so I couldn't breathe; put scissors to my face saying he was going to cut out my tongue. He'd assault me, spit on me, and everything was always my fault. I was stalked, blackmailed and even kidnapped by him. Both him and the ex before him would blame everything on me. It could start raining on a sunny day and it would be all my fault .

Like you I would doubt my own memory or think I'd exaggerated things because that's what they'd tell me. It's called gaslighting. I also believed they were right and that I did deserve it. I used to think if I'd have just done what he said or if I didn't go out with my friend then I wouldn't have upset him and made him so angry.

Abuse of any form is never your fault. You don't ask for it. You don't deserve it.

 

[urwelcomelb]

I have been abused sexually by an adult when I was a child, but currently I am still going through a rather "abusive situation", as my therapist puts it. I'm hesitant to refer to it as abuse because I don't want to take away from abuse victims, but it involves cyberstalking, harassment, and people lying about me to turn my friends against me.

 

[HyperEclipse]

Not ever in the extremes that you are- I'm so sorry. I would say I grew up with a (suspected) narcissist though and I would describe them as abusive definitely. Far less physical assault- although there was some. Much more psychological/emotional abuse. Plenty of bullying and a lot of making themselves out to be the victim and getting me into deep trouble for things I hadn't done.

I especially wanted to respond to you because of this. It's very common for narcissists to play the victim and 'gaslight' you into believing that you are the bad person in all this. I'd highly recommend you looking into narcissism. I may be wrong but your Mum does seem to have traits. I highly recommend the YouTube channels: 'Live Abuse Free' and 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy.'

For me personally- it was years after that I came across the description of narcissism and it was so liberating for me. Not that it could ever be an official diagnosis but- basically- all their peculiar behaviour was there. Suddenly- there was a reason why they had behaved like this. For some time and especially at the time- I used to wrack my brains on whether I had actually done something to provoke them. I pity you so much. I hope you are nearing a time where you can get out of that situation. Leaving home for uni improved things a lot for me.

I did end up being forcefully removed from the situation in the form of a hospitalization in which I simply wasn't allowed to come home.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I did end up being forcefully removed from the situation in the form of a hospitalization in which I simply wasn't allowed to come home.

I hope you are somewhere safe now?

 

[HyperEclipse]

I hope you are somewhere safe now?

I am, but I'm not healthy. So I guess I'm not really safe from myself. I have trouble caring about that, really. Thank you for the concern though :)

 

[huzzahhue56]

I'm 23 and I live with my mom. She abuses me emotionally and physically. I get yelled at, screamed at, shamed, guilted, mocked, criticized, ridiculed. I get grabbed, shoved, pushed, wall slammed, threatened, and occasionally hit. And I often get blamed for the abuse and sometimes I lose sight of who's the monster: me or her? Sometimes I believe I deserve it, sometimes I believe I caused it. Sometimes I think it's my fault. Sometimes I think I'm overreacting. I don't always know if it's really happening or if I'm being dramatic or remembering wrong. I don't up from down or left from right.

I'm not even sure while I'm writing this and it makes me feel guilty. It feels dirty. I'm not looking for suggestions, there's no way out. But I want to know if there's others out there like me.

tbh its the reason I want to commit, my whole life has been ruined because of it. If I wasn't abused I could be a normie and be happy and achieve my dreams and be a regular human being instead I'm forced to end it because the longer I live the more I see things go downhill and its genuinely becoming unbearable, this life quality is not fit for a human being and I don't deserve this

I have been abused many times throughout my life, my childhood and early teenage years were practically marked by getting abused nearly daily, both physical (including sexual, but that wasn't until very recently) and mental abuse (neglect for my mental health combined with insults and all the other abuse I had to endure destroyed my mental state.)

I actually think the same way as you, when I remember all the times I had gotten abused. I think, I did something to deserve the constant abuse since.. my siblings didn't recieve such mistreatment or at least, not with such severity.

nobody deserves to be abused, its just a matter of existing in the wrong place at the wrong time. People on this website have shit luck to bump into evil in this world, its not ur problem don't blame yourself