I recognized this after so many relationships. It seemed like I had a specific type and it was the same person over and over with some differences but it always ended in disaster lol! They were always narcissists, borderline, psychopathic, antisocial. At some point u realize that it appears like u either have a flawed way of approaching relationships and not being careful enough or u have a attachment style towards a certain set of personality traits. Though it's probably both. I'm was not only doing relationships wrong but also had a set of traits that was probably appealing to pathologicals since I'm a pathological too lol!
Temporarilyabsurd
NOISE:signal
- Apr 27, 2018
- 438
I obsessed ( My OCD romance style ) over someone many years ago ...
They were in a bad place and exhibiting some really toxic scapegoating / gas lighting behaviour .
I couldn't get enough of it .
I realized I was tapping in to the hate , the disempowerment , the humiliation .
I made up a phrase about them ( because it was all THEIR fault , ha ha ) :
"Please don't go , I haven't hurt you enough yet ."
On reflection , it was probably equally , if not more :
" Please don't go , you haven't hurt me enough yet . "
As it's a family thing , I think , I regard my siblings relationship ( 30 yrs and going strong ) as
" Being in hate with each other. "
I just saw 'the art of self defense' ... The lead character is a lot like me ( minus the career , plus 25 yrs ...) ...
It's a funny thing , but I think the synthetic character building of martial arts may have to happen . I loath the heirachy , rigid programming . It revolts me . But that revulsion of discipline and integration hasn't yielded much gold so far .
Maybe it's a conditioned lack of self respect ?
I think I expect to be treated badly ... I certainly have treated myself badly .
So , yeah , I probably look for people to reinforce that ... and they seem easy to find .
If not , I probably bring that aspect out of them ...
It is confusing .
They were in a bad place and exhibiting some really toxic scapegoating / gas lighting behaviour .
I couldn't get enough of it .
I realized I was tapping in to the hate , the disempowerment , the humiliation .
I made up a phrase about them ( because it was all THEIR fault , ha ha ) :
"Please don't go , I haven't hurt you enough yet ."
On reflection , it was probably equally , if not more :
" Please don't go , you haven't hurt me enough yet . "
As it's a family thing , I think , I regard my siblings relationship ( 30 yrs and going strong ) as
" Being in hate with each other. "
I just saw 'the art of self defense' ... The lead character is a lot like me ( minus the career , plus 25 yrs ...) ...
It's a funny thing , but I think the synthetic character building of martial arts may have to happen . I loath the heirachy , rigid programming . It revolts me . But that revulsion of discipline and integration hasn't yielded much gold so far .
Maybe it's a conditioned lack of self respect ?
I think I expect to be treated badly ... I certainly have treated myself badly .
So , yeah , I probably look for people to reinforce that ... and they seem easy to find .
If not , I probably bring that aspect out of them ...
It is confusing .
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