ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4,154
I already feel like an alien when comparing myself to normal people but I also feel like an alien here as well due to how it seems like that people here have a relatively peaceful way of getting out of here... that way mainly being SN. It doesn't feel like there's anybody else here aside from FC who is unable to access a decent method but perhaps I'm wrong.
In my case, I can't access SN because I live with parents who are super strict and always like to spy on me. I'll never be able to get SN whilst I'm living with them as I can't go outside on my own without their permission nor can I order anything on my own. The issue is that I won't ever be able to escape my parents as I don't have the necessary skills to be independent nor do I have any desires to be independent as I always take the path of least resistance and being independent = more resistance due to it being more responsibilities.
Because of my parents, I can't access most suicide methods. At best, I could attempt drowning myself in a random nearly lake/river but I'd have to sneak outside late at night and even then I'm worried that won't work as my parents are super light sleepers and will most likely wake up when I try to leave the house. Additionally, even if I were to successfully escape, I wouldn't have much time as my parents wake up in the middle of the night to read an islamic prayer.
I envy people here so much as they seem like they can easily access SN. If I had access to SN, I'd be gone a long time ago. I'm not staying alive because there's anything in life that I enjoy or want to do... no, I'm only staying alive because I'm forced to as I don't have a guaranteed and peaceful way out of here.
Please tell me that I'm not the only one who's like this. Actually, no, it'd be better if I was the only one as then everybody else here can easily escape existence but surely life isn't only cruel to me, right? I'm in so much pain just thinking about this. It hurts way too much :(
In my case, I can't access SN because I live with parents who are super strict and always like to spy on me. I'll never be able to get SN whilst I'm living with them as I can't go outside on my own without their permission nor can I order anything on my own. The issue is that I won't ever be able to escape my parents as I don't have the necessary skills to be independent nor do I have any desires to be independent as I always take the path of least resistance and being independent = more resistance due to it being more responsibilities.
Because of my parents, I can't access most suicide methods. At best, I could attempt drowning myself in a random nearly lake/river but I'd have to sneak outside late at night and even then I'm worried that won't work as my parents are super light sleepers and will most likely wake up when I try to leave the house. Additionally, even if I were to successfully escape, I wouldn't have much time as my parents wake up in the middle of the night to read an islamic prayer.
I envy people here so much as they seem like they can easily access SN. If I had access to SN, I'd be gone a long time ago. I'm not staying alive because there's anything in life that I enjoy or want to do... no, I'm only staying alive because I'm forced to as I don't have a guaranteed and peaceful way out of here.
Please tell me that I'm not the only one who's like this. Actually, no, it'd be better if I was the only one as then everybody else here can easily escape existence but surely life isn't only cruel to me, right? I'm in so much pain just thinking about this. It hurts way too much :(