Is a negative person necessarily toxic? Should we be forced to be positive?

[disabledlife]

Is being depressed, born badly, having had accidents in life, not having had a happy life, being negative because we prevent CTB, from accessing euthanasia, not having had justice, being the victim of something that really happened,... considered to be toxic?!

I came across this page by chance (research on neighborhood disturbances).

Comment tenir à l'écart les personnes toxiques

Il arrive parfois de rencontrer une personne ayant un caractère compliqué avec qui l'on doit interagir sur une base régulière. Puisque cette personne peut être un membre de la famille, un voisin ou un collègue de travail, il devient alors difficile de s'en éloigner!

www.indexsante.ca

Here is the English translation:

How to Keep Away From Toxic People
+ Mental Health
Sometimes you come across a person with a complicated personality who you have to interact with on a regular basis. Since this person can be a family member, a neighbor or a co-worker, it becomes difficult to stay away from them!
How to Keep Away From Toxic People
What to do when a toxic person is part of your immediate circle? It is never easy to have to endure harmful behaviors on a daily or weekly basis. It is therefore essential to know how to keep such a person away so as not to be bullied by harmful behaviors that can be very harmful to your own mental health.

Profile of a Toxic Person
Toxic people have an irrational logic. They are negative and see themselves as victims. Sometimes, some of them like to provoke and sow chaos in their living environment. Most of the time, some of these people do not even realize their harmful influence on those around them. These people should be avoided because they only generate conflicts and represent a significant source of stress. If you can't avoid them, keeping them away is often the best strategy to adopt in order to avoid the harmful effects of the stress they generate.

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The goal of toxic people is generally to attract attention and have followers for their negative speech. People around a toxic person often have the reflex to listen simply out of politeness or empathy. It is easy to get caught up in their whirlwind of negativity and twisted emotions. This is a behavior that should not be done, since it will only encourage this person in their negative speech and behaviors.

Good attitudes to adopt
Even if a complicated person is part of your workplace or family environment, it is possible to protect yourself from them. Setting limits, distancing yourself from toxic episodes so as not to encourage them and especially not to sink into emotion are good attitudes to adopt towards a toxic person. Indeed, the more emotions are controlled with a calm and composed attitude, the more effective it will be to manage this type of situation.

Another good strategy is to focus on what can be controlled and ignore everything else. Thus, by being in control of your environment and your emotions, it will be easier to see toxic people coming and to spot them quickly. In addition, having a smiling attitude and not contradicting a toxic person are behaviors to adopt.

Negative people like to dwell on their dismay instead of taking action. It is a way for them to increase their self-esteem. A good way to destabilize them in their complaints is to ask them if they have solutions to resolve their chaotic situation. Their reaction is often immediate: they withdraw and start a different speech.

Other possible solutions
Once your own limits have been established, a protective barrier will naturally be installed between you and the problematic person. If this person is part of your immediate circle, it may be necessary to open a dialogue about the problem. Of course, in some cases and with some people, no dialogue will be possible, but by adopting a positive attitude and better control of your emotions, it will be easier not to let yourself be negatively invaded by this person in the future.

 

[SVEN]

Not sure if I'd go as far as Toxic, however I do know a few folk with whom I try to limit my contacts. Just because I find them so very draining.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wouldn't say that all negative people are necessarily toxic. Just the same as people who appear to be possitive may have certain traits that can be damaging.

I think it also depends largely on the other person. Someone who likes to vent a lot of the time may not intentionally be trying to bring everyone down or, be mallicious. But- if the person their venting to is also going through a whole load of shit, they may not be able to cope with it. So, they may need to distance themselves a little to preserve themselves. I imagine someone very empathetic could get sucked in to feeling the same if they were constantly being leant on. That's not exactly the depressed person's fault but- it would also seem reasonable for the empathetic person to realise they couldn't cope.

I get the sense that article in some ways was refering to personality disorders like narcissism though. Both playing the victim and getting others to join in with their criticisms of others (flying monkeys) is typical of narcissists. If you've ever been around one or, suspect you have then, I'm afraid to say- yes- I think it's best to try and stear clear of them. I first became suicidal because of a (suspected) narcissist. Whether or not it's their 'fault', they can wreak chaos in other people's lives.

Maybe that's my own biased take on the article though. Kind of odd because narcissists often come across as more positive than negative. I don't know- it seems to focus quite a bit on manipulation. I don't think simply depressed people necessarily try to manipulate people. We probably can be kind of exhausting to be around but I don't think it's necessarily to manipulate people. It's more just to vent.

Again, it depends though. I think all sorts of people- both positive and negative have it within them to be manipulative- and- that is toxic I would say.

 

[cloudyskye]

I don't think its necessarily toxic to be negative. If you read this definition ot seems to talking more about those with a "victim" mentality. Usually these people are also selfish to the point of narcissism as well. (IMO) my sister is like this to an extent. Literally every conversation we have is about her disappointments, her problems her whatever. Rarely does she even ask about me and when she does it's 'oh that's to bad' and back to her issues. I think we all know people like this.

 

[littleearthquakes]

I think the bigger problem is toxic positivity. People going through hard times or have issues they can't control (illness, poverty, oppression, abuse, trauma etc.) shouldn't be labeled "negative" and victim blamed and pushed away. I think articles like that are the true problem and this world needs to allow space to be held for people who are suffering.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

This is a good question but I'm not entirely sure of the answer. It's highly dependent on the culture what is considered toxic or negative behaviours, but some ways of thinking are universally disliked. For example, in the UK complaining is a national past time, and speaking positively about one's goals and achievements is seen as distasteful bragging, while other anglo-sphere countries would view this attitude in a very different light.

Like everything, it's a gray area, but I think these days the word toxic is overused to the point where it starts to lose it's meaning. A person talking about negative or uncomfortable subjects isn't usually meant to cause trouble for other people, but I think the article twists it to mean negativity is inherently a form of manipulation, which doesn't make sense to me. Hostility, maybe, but not negativity in general.

Rather than acknowledge that some people disproportionately have more bad than good in their lives, and don't have so many positives things to share, I think it's easier to label struggling people as negative energy vampires, or toxic, when if given a choice nearly everyone would choose to be happy, no one enjoys being miserable.

The judgement becomes more acceptable if people use therapyspeak though, rather than just saying they can't deal with the negativity at the moment, it suddenly becomes a matter of morality or pathology rather than personal preference. It sort of reminds me of my childhood when parents would not let their children play with me or told them to avoid me because I had a bad home life, something obviously outside of my control, but they were never going to say the quiet part out loud that they had disdain for people from such backgrounds.