Venting Irrational pain over a fictional character making me want to die

[borderline-feline]

EDIT: I should've also added that the character didn't die. It was something that happened that I'd rather not describe because I don't want to give away who the character is. Most people on the English-speaking parts of the internet seem to like what happened, which adds to my feelings of isolation over it. The one time I tried to be open about it on a public social media account, I got dogpiled and harassed.

I'm prepared to get people thinking that I've completely lost it at this point, but I can't fucking take this shit. All I'm going to say is that there's this particular fictional character that I love so much that it actually physically hurts, and something happened to that character that has me spiraling to the point of wanting to die and name the creator of the character in a suicide note. I know that that's wrong, so I really want to avoid actually doing the note part.

I'm well aware that I sound completely unhinged. I'm well aware that this isn't healthy. I'm well aware that he's not real, but it still hurts no matter how much time passes. I'm not going to say what character it is, so do not ask. Do not guess either, as guesses will just make me worse. There are certain things that I know play into this, but I can't talk about them for personal reasons.

I hate all the pain, anger, and sadness that this makes me feel, but I also don't want to lose the anger and sadness, because as insane as it sounds, it would feel like I'm betraying this character. I wish I could just force the creator to change his mind and bring things back to how they're supposed to be, how things should've stayed and would've stayed were it not for this development.

I have so much confusion over this. I don't know why I'm so attached and devastated. Is it theoretically possible for a fictional character to somehow occupy a similar type of space in a person's mind as a "favorite person" in someone with BPD? I've lost count completely of how many meltdowns I've had because of this.

I can't talk to my actual favorite person about this, because I know that he has no solutions. When he has no solutions for me and can't do anything to help, it just hurts him, which is why I made the promise to him that I mentioned before about how I wouldn't kill myself.

I hadn't talked about this here until now because I felt that it would be essentially wasting resources if I'd talked about it here. I just can't keep handling this. I'm really, really sorry if this kind of thing doesn't belong here, and I can leave if it's not the kind of thing that belongs on this forum.

 

[catowice]

Is it theoretically possible for a fictional character to somehow occupy a similar type of space in a person's mind as a "favorite person" in someone with BPD?

It can, if not quite common even without the "with BPD" part. If anything it means the author did exceptionally well in storytelling and character development.

 

[borderline-feline]

It can, if not quite common even without the "with BPD" part. If anything it means the author did exceptionally well in storytelling and character development.

It's really the opposite in this case. It means that the creator is a talentless hack who deserves to get fired and have his IP handed over to someone that won't ruin it.

 

[jodes2]

Oh man. I really worry for you. This is the sort of issue that needs a therapist. You're perfectly welcome on this forum with this problem, but I just don't think you're going to get the appropriate help you deserve. You need someone who knows how to deal with these kinds of thoughts and help you come to terms with what's happened.

Can you get a therapist?

In the meantime, why don't you write your own version of what should have happened? Branch off from just before where it started to go wrong. Journal it, or make sketches, or use any form you want in order to capture what you need it to represent. ?

 

[borderline-feline]

Oh man. I really worry for you. This is the sort of issue that needs a therapist. You're perfectly welcome on this forum with this problem, but I just don't think you're going to get the appropriate help you deserve. You need someone who knows how to deal with these kinds of thoughts and help you come to terms with what's happened.

Can you get a therapist?

In the meantime, why don't you write your own version of what should have happened? Branch off from just before where it started to go wrong. Journal it, or make sketches, or use any form you want in order to capture what you need it to represent. ?

I do see a psychiatrist, but I'm extremely hesitant to talk to him about this stuff, because one of two things will happen.
1. He won't take it seriously and will minimize the problem. (this is what I'd do if someone came to me with the same problem)
Or 2. He'll take it TOO seriously and have me committed to a psychiatric ward.

I don't want to come to terms with what happened. I want to know how to not be so impacted by the emotions that I have. As I said, I don't want to lose any of the sadness or anger that I feel over this, because it would feel like betraying the character in question. I know I sound completely detached from reality saying this, but I can't exactly help it.

As for your suggestion, I can't write or draw. I also have zero creativity. I'm just a pitiable insect, a worthless protoplasm. I can't do anything right, and even trying to be creative causes me further pain because I will never be creative.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Is it theoretically possible for a fictional character to somehow occupy a similar type of space in a person's mind as a "favorite person" in someone with BPD?

I once saw a whole subreddit filled with people who were "married" to anime characters.

 

[CTB Dream]

Hi
vry vry understand this no joke prob , ppl underesti fiction no understand this all real emotion real exp, have trama damage et fiction can come out affect this all real. This awful life even fiction try escape see crulty writer cruel fan cruel etc,,

ya can tel many many char writer cruel fan cruel, truth human all awful species even fiction do same crulty, ppl cruel each ofc cruel make char suffer, vry understand dear how

awful write make trama illne etc all know ,also corporate world money etc ,this vry sry poor char image poor person all sufferia all place real fiction

understand want supp help char, can try fic try draw music etc, write article blog etc, but als avoid fan comunit etc this all toxi awful can make worse many make fun sufferia char. Can do also change genre medium etc take break

hope help

 

[borderline-feline]

I once saw a whole subreddit filled with people who were "married" to anime characters.

What was the subreddit?

 

[StrawberryBlonde]

I GET YOU! I actually have the same problem (well, mostly). I want to go to a fictional world of MHA and planning to CTB in a week, because I believe that after death we go where our heart desires, and I'm going to do it tomorrow most likely, so I will be the first person to check if it's true. I'm sorry you're feeling that way, the pain when your favorite character dies or hurt...I hope you will get better, no matter what they are always in our hearts!

 

[Illidan77]

I'm prepared to get people thinking that I've completely lost it at this point, but I can't fucking take this shit. All I'm going to say is that there's this particular fictional character that I love so much that it actually physically hurts, and something happened to that character that has me spiraling to the point of wanting to die and name the creator of the character in a suicide note. I know that that's wrong, so I really want to avoid actually doing the note part.

I'm well aware that I sound completely unhinged. I'm well aware that this isn't healthy. I'm well aware that he's not real, but it still hurts no matter how much time passes. I'm not going to say what character it is, so do not ask. Do not guess either, as guesses will just make me worse. There are certain things that I know play into this, but I can't talk about them for personal reasons.

I hate all the pain, anger, and sadness that this makes me feel, but I also don't want to lose the anger and sadness, because as insane as it sounds, it would feel like I'm betraying this character. I wish I could just force the creator to change his mind and bring things back to how they're supposed to be, how things should've stayed and would've stayed were it not for this development.

I have so much confusion over this. I don't know why I'm so attached and devastated. Is it theoretically possible for a fictional character to somehow occupy a similar type of space in a person's mind as a "favorite person" in someone with BPD? I've lost count completely of how many meltdowns I've had because of this.

I can't talk to my actual favorite person about this, because I know that he has no solutions. When he has no solutions for me and can't do anything to help, it just hurts him, which is why I made the promise to him that I mentioned before about how I wouldn't kill myself.

I hadn't talked about this here until now because I felt that it would be essentially wasting resources if I'd talked about it here. I just can't keep handling this. I'm really, really sorry if this kind of thing doesn't belong here, and I can leave if it's not the kind of thing that belongs on this forum.

It's actually normal.. well it become 'disorder' which is also 'normal' according my psychiatrist, in psychology, she said there's nothing such as 'abnormal' cause human ARE complex.. the problem is if it affect the daily life.
I mean.. look at my avatar.. in case no one to know, it's an anime character which is not even a major character but for me he's the major character, i collect pictures from pinterest and deviantart.
err.. idk.. if it's me.. i just make my own story..
my sister love to read and write fan fiction but i don't like reading, but i took a glimpse, it actually very good.
another option would be err either find another show ? or a show that somehow resembles the character.
err.. not sure if it's a good idea.. but this is what i'm doing, i got attached too with lot of character either from movie, tv show and anime.
but the point is.. i'm not sure too.. keeping it (well if you can let go will be the best lol) but don't let it affect deeply ?

 

[WhiteRabbit]

What was the subreddit?

I checked and it's for people who are in love with anime characters. They go on "dates" and all that. It's r/waifuism.

 

[borderline-feline]

I checked and it's for people who are in love with anime characters. They go on "dates" and all that. It's r/waifuism.

Ahh, I'm familiar with that sub. I don't think that that's on the same level as the issue I have. The people on that sub are just doing pretty normal stuff, or at least normal for otaku. Parasocial relationships with fictional characters are normal and generally benign, and I haven't seen anyone on that sub who's in a state of distress because of it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I can actually relate to you to an extent. I'm a VERY obsessive person. I tend to suffer from limerance as well- very intense, obsessive crushes on people. I have felt terribly intense feelings towards fictional charecters. I've even been pretty obsessive about television series and felt almost a sense of panic when they were coming to an end! (I was young at the time- no internet or DVD's back then and I didn't have a video recorder at the time.)

It did help me to find out about limerance. That tends to stop me from going too crazy with real life crushes- which were the most damaging for me.

Still, it doesn't help much to know that this behaviour isn't normal. I think to an extent though- we have to accept it. It's likely some childhood trauma or something that has made us like we are. If it's REALLY damaging to your life though- perhaps you do need to try and reign it in. Depends really.

With your fictional character- your version of them is your own. If you don't like what the author's done with the character- make up a different version in your head. If needs be- write it down for you. Unless the author is a part of your fantasy, your version of the character can be different to theirs. You can't really expect them to change it for you but now it's in the public sphere- and your head- you can use it to build on- so long as you don't publish anything and infringe their copyright!

 

[Dot]

Thnk n.e1 wth a propr grasp of psychlgy wld nt jdge u fr hw u r feelng

Am wondrng whthr thre = smethng specfc abt tht charctr tht mde u invst in thm -- wondr whthr thre = smethng abt tht charctr tht u rel8 2 or whthr tht charctr in sme wy speaks 2 prt of u tht u tht hs nt bn hrd or ackwldgd frm othr ppl in ur lfe

If tht = th/ cse thn = wld mke snse tht u wld b investd in thr jounry & b angry if thr journy goes smewhre tht devi8tes frm wht ws makng u livng out wht tht charctr gves 2 u -- or whthr u cre abt tht charctr & n.e harm tht cmes 2 tht charctr impcts u persnlly bcse th/ charctr represnts smethng importnt 2 u

Thse wld all b vry valid discussns 2 hve wth a therpst bcse ur rlatnshp wth tht charctr mght b highlghtng smethng importnt abt urslf

Am srry tht u r strgglng

Mght nd sme1 2 transl8 -- wld b apprci8d

 

[jodes2]

I do see a psychiatrist, but I'm extremely hesitant to talk to him about this stuff, because one of two things will happen.
1. He won't take it seriously and will minimize the problem. (this is what I'd do if someone came to me with the same problem)
Or 2. He'll take it TOO seriously and have me committed to a psychiatric ward.

I don't want to come to terms with what happened. I want to know how to not be so impacted by the emotions that I have. As I said, I don't want to lose any of the sadness or anger that I feel over this, because it would feel like betraying the character in question. I know I sound completely detached from reality saying this, but I can't exactly help it.

As for your suggestion, I can't write or draw. I also have zero creativity. I'm just a pitiable insect, a worthless protoplasm. I can't do anything right, and even trying to be creative causes me further pain because I will never be creative.

I am certain you underestimate yourself. Everyone has innate creativity. You might not be good at drawing, you might not have a largo vocabulary, but you can clearly write. And I'm sure you can draw stick figures. And I'm sure you have more creativity in you than you realise. I think you should try and do *something* therapeutic. I'm sure you can take photos, too. Take photos of the characters in the past, make up a new story, linking images out of sequence with a sentence or two. Just a description or anything that creates a story. Expand on it or change it as you see fit. I think this process could help you not be so affected by your emotions.

Also, please, please tell your psychiatrist. You don't have to tell him you have concrete plans for killing yourself, that way you won't get hospitalised. But DO tell him it's made you FEEL suicidal. Say you think about not wanting to exist etc, but emphasise whatever is stopping you, eg no method you can do, not wanting to hurt family and friends, wanting to live for xyz reason. But honestly, do tell him the depths of your pain. O tell him, please, so he can help? There's no harm in trying if you stick to the script of saying you feel suicidal with no plans. If he dismisses you then he's just an ignorant prick and you can go on as if you've never told him. What's the worst that could happen? Nothing? But what's the best? He could help you be in full control. And minimise the pain, while letting you remain loyal to the character

 

[Anxieyote]

Mght nd sme1 2 transl8 -- wld b apprci8d

Translating for Dot:

I think anyone with a proper grasp of psychology wouldn't judge you for how you are feeling.

I'm wondering if there's something specific about that character that made you invest in them, or if there is something about that character that you relate to; maybe they speak to a part of you that has not been heard or acknowledged from other people in your real life.

If that's the case then it would make sense that you would be invested in their journey, and might be angry or frustrated if their journey deviates from the elements of that character that you felt pertained to you and your experiences. Maybe the harm that comes to that character impacts you personally because the character represents something important to you.

These would all be very valid discussions to have with a therapist because your relationship with this character may be highlighting something important about yourself.

I'm sorry that you are struggling.

 

[resolutory]

I think I know which character this is. It might not be the same one, but I felt the same way. And I felt a deep emotional connection to this IP. When I first experienced the IP, I felt such a special connection with it and the characters and I felt very annoyed at what then the creator did with the IP.

 

[borderline-feline]

I am certain you underestimate yourself. Everyone has innate creativity. You might not be good at drawing, you might not have a largo vocabulary, but you can clearly write. And I'm sure you can draw stick figures. And I'm sure you have more creativity in you than you realise. I think you should try and do *something* therapeutic. I'm sure you can take photos, too. Take photos of the characters in the past, make up a new story, linking images out of sequence with a sentence or two. Just a description or anything that creates a story. Expand on it or change it as you see fit. I think this process could help you not be so affected by your emotions.

Also, please, please tell your psychiatrist. You don't have to tell him you have concrete plans for killing yourself, that way you won't get hospitalised. But DO tell him it's made you FEEL suicidal. Say you think about not wanting to exist etc, but emphasise whatever is stopping you, eg no method you can do, not wanting to hurt family and friends, wanting to live for xyz reason. But honestly, do tell him the depths of your pain. O tell him, please, so he can help? There's no harm in trying if you stick to the script of saying you feel suicidal with no plans. If he dismisses you then he's just an ignorant prick and you can go on as if you've never told him. What's the worst that could happen? Nothing? But what's the best? He could help you be in full control. And minimise the pain, while letting you remain loyal to the character

Not everyone has "innate creativity". It's honestly pretty dismissive to tell me that I'm just underestimating myself when I say that I have zero creativity. I've tried writing, and I couldn't do it. I tried learning to draw, and I couldn't do it. I don't view photography by itself as being art, and even if I did, there isn't a way to take photos of this character.

I cannot create. I've tried, and it's not possible.

There are further reasons why I feel hesitant to talk to my psychiatrist about this, but I can't talk about them here. If I explain further, then I'd have to give further details. If I give further details, then I'm just going to get harassed off the site.

The only further information I can give in regards to why I can't be totally honest with my psychiatrist about what I feel is that I genuinely am a "danger to myself", which I can't say.

I don't think I'll ever be able to have any kind of control in this.

I think I know which character this is. It might not be the same one, but I felt the same way. And I felt a deep emotional connection to this IP. When I first experienced the IP, I felt such a special connection with it and the characters and I felt very annoyed at what then the creator did with the IP.

If you're thinking of the right character, then you can probably tell why I have to be so vague. I don't think that there's anything that can be done to fix this for me, unless this change gets undone in the future. I can hope for that, but I think it's more likely that this character just won't show up again for this very reason.

It does make me feel less isolated to see someone else have the same kind of reaction to what the creator did, so thank you for that.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry for being dismissive. I was only trying to encourage you to try, it seemed like you had irrationally strong negative beliefs about you, maybe I was wrong. I didn't see encouragement as a bad thing. Sorry.

There are other ways of saying it then to your psychiatrist. Say that the danger to you could escalate. Engineer it so that he is prompted to take you seriously, but not detain you. It's pretty black and white where the shreshold lies. If he thinks you'll harm yourself before he next time he sees you, hell hospitalise you. Work with that to get some bloody help. It's their job to 1. Take you seriously, 2. Help you, 3. Not force you into being hospitalised unless strictly necessary.

 

[borderline-feline]

Sorry for being dismissive. I was only trying to encourage you to try, it seemed like you had irrationally strong negative beliefs about you, maybe I was wrong. I didn't see encouragement as a bad thing. Sorry.

There are other ways of saying it then to your psychiatrist. Say that the danger to you could escalate. Engineer it so that he is prompted to take you seriously, but not detain you. It's pretty black and white where the threshold lies. If he thinks you'll harm yourself before he next time he sees you, hell hospitalise you. Work with that to get some bloody help. It's their job to 1. Take you seriously, 2. Help you, 3. Not force you into being hospitalised unless strictly necessary.

I wouldn't call any of the beliefs I have about myself to be irrational. I'm a worthless protoplasm that can't do anything for herself.

I have strong doubts that my psychiatrist would take this problem seriously. While I'm not a mental health professional, I wouldn't take anyone seriously if they came to me with this exact problem. I'd tell them that I understand that it sucks, but that they need to just get over it.

I can hardly take it seriously myself when I talk about it out loud, so I can't really expect other people to take it seriously. I'm sorry that I can't explain in detail why it's such a stupid problem for me to have, but it's a safety precaution.

 

[jodes2]

You're not worthless. I guarantee you that's one of your inaccurate unhelpful negative beliefs that therapy would teach you to challenge and peplace with something more realistic, positive and helpful.

Your psychiatrist should understand your problem in the context of leading to your dispair, and work out how to fix it. He will take the end result seriously, even if he does glance over the preoccupation as being irrelevant or whatever. He'll be looking for patterns he knows how to treat. There's no need to take safety precautions with a psychiatrist. What's the worst that could happen? And you know what to do to prevent that anyway. You should just ask for help. Unless of course in a few days your preoccupation subsides in which case then you no longer need help. But being suicidal to any degree needs investigating

 

[borderline-feline]

You're not worthless. I guarantee you that's one of your inaccurate unhelpful negative beliefs that therapy would teach you to challenge and peplace with something more realistic, positive and helpful.

Your psychiatrist should understand your problem in the context of leading to your despair, and work out how to fix it. He will take the end result seriously, even if he does glance over the preoccupation as being irrelevant or whatever. He'll be looking for patterns he knows how to treat. There's no need to take safety precautions with a psychiatrist. What's the worst that could happen? And you know what to do to prevent that anyway. You should just ask for help. Unless of course in a few days your preoccupation subsides in which case then you no longer need help. But being suicidal to any degree needs investigating

"You're not worthless" is easily comparable to "there's so much to live for" and "it gets better". All of those statements are meaningless platitudes that dismiss the fact that there is no inherent value to human life. I'd like to politely ask that you not say such frustrating falsehoods to me.

Many people are completely worthless and offer nothing to the world. It's a simple fact of life. Humans have no more inherent value than tardigrades; to say otherwise is just another example of the flawed ideology of species supremacy.

I think you're confused. I didn't say that I needed to take safety precautions with my psychiatrist; I said that I need to take safety precautions HERE. I'm being purposefully vague as a means of preventing pain and harassment.

The worst that could happen if I told my psychiatrist is that I could get hospitalized against my will, force-fed harmful drugs, and beaten if I try to resist the abuse. Many psychiatric hospitals have extremely low standards of care and rarely care about the needs and desires of their patients.

It's rather bold to claim that "being suicidal to any degree needs investigating" on a suicide forum. I don't think that there's anything inherently wrong about being suicidal. For some people, it's just the only option. If someone truly wants to die, then they should be allowed to make that choice without any investigation.

 

[jodes2]

"You're not worthless" is easily comparable to "there's so much to live for" and "it gets better". All of those statements are meaningless platitudes that dismiss the fact that there is no inherent value to human life. I'd like to politely ask that you not say such frustrating falsehoods to me.

Many people are completely worthless and offer nothing to the world. It's a simple fact of life. Humans have no more inherent value than tardigrades; to say otherwise is just another example of the flawed ideology of species supremacy.

I think you're confused. I didn't say that I needed to take safety precautions with my psychiatrist; I said that I need to take safety precautions HERE. I'm being purposefully vague as a means of preventing pain and harassment.

The worst that could happen if I told my psychiatrist is that I could get hospitalized against my will, force-fed harmful drugs, and beaten if I try to resist the abuse. Many psychiatric hospitals have extremely low standards of care and rarely care about the needs and desires of their patients.

It's rather bold to claim that "being suicidal to any degree needs investigating" on a suicide forum. I don't think that there's anything inherently wrong about being suicidal. For some people, it's just the only option. If someone truly wants to die, then they should be allowed to make that choice without any investigation.

Calling it a platitude is a stake cliche. You're in denial that your belief about yourself is simply wrong. You shouldn't just dismiss me so flippantly. You're utterly neglecting your well-being by doing that. And for what? So you don't have to put in a bit of effort to modify your thinking to something more rational?

You're simply wrong.

But if you want to throw your life away and harm those close to you without giving it an ounce of reflection, I guess there's nothing I can do. Some people are just hell bent on destruction whatever the cost, no matter how little effort it might take to prevent. It reminds me of how chatGPT hilariously failed the trolley problem. But that's another story. The problem is you're not thinking straight. No rational thought about consequences and cost. Your value system is warped beyond the pale. You have a serious mental health problem, not a rational desire to die. Absolutely two bloody different things

 

[borderline-feline]

Calling it a platitude is a stake cliche. You're in denial that your belief about yourself is simply wrong. You shouldn't just dismiss me so flippantly. You're utterly neglecting your well-being by doing that. And for what? So you don't have to put in a bit of effort to modify your thinking to something more rational?

You're simply wrong.

But if you want to throw your life away and harm those close to you without giving it an ounce of reflection, I guess there's nothing I can do. Some people are just hell bent on destruction whatever the cost, no matter how little effort it might take to prevent. It reminds me of how chatGPT hilariously failed the trolley problem. But that's another story. The problem is you're not thinking straight. No rational thought about consequences and cost. Your value system is warped beyond the pale. You have a serious mental health problem, not a rational desire to die. Absolutely two bloody different things

"You have a serious mental health problem" Of course I do. It's in my username, and I talk about it on this forum constantly, including in this very thread. To claim that someone can't have rational desires to die, merely because of mental illness, is a big part of why mental illness is so stigmatized in the first place. No one wants to listen to mentally ill people, and they just dismiss our emotions. Being mentally ill and having a rational desire to die are not mutually exclusive.

if you want to throw your life away and harm those close to you without giving it an ounce of reflection

This is the part I take the biggest issue with. For you to claim that I have any desire to harm the people I love when you've made it clear that you don't understand what my issues are just shows that you're not interested in what's best for me. All you've done in this interaction is talk down to me and tell me things that I know to not be true. I came to this forum to AVOID being told those kinds of things.

Telling me that my perception is warped when I just made this thread to vent is 100% uncalled for. You don't know anything about me, so you can't make any kind of judgement about me not being worthless. You just minimize the very real problems that I have and dismiss the possibility that I know more about myself than some random stranger on the internet does.

Some people are just hell bent on destruction whatever the cost, no matter how little effort it might take to prevent.

I never claimed in this thread that I wanted to get better. I never said that I cared about my own wellbeing. I said that I want to get rid of the pain that I feel over things that shouldn't upset me as much as they do. If you listened more to me, then maybe this interaction could've been fruitful. I'd rather be blamed for robbing Peter than be guilty of paying Paul.

In other words, I'd rather be the cause of my own damnation than participate in a corrupt system which I find contemptable.

The problem is you're not thinking straight. No rational thought about consequences and cost. Your value system is warped beyond the pale.

Values are purely subjective, just like morality, therefore there's no such thing as a "warped value system" since there's not an objective standard by which to judge such a thing.

Have you considered that I'm dismissing some of the things you've said because they're not worth considering? I shouldn't have to justify basic facts about the human race, such as the fact that there is no inherent value to human life, to someone who clearly isn't willing to listen to me.

I'm not going to engage with you any further, because I'm not going to waste my time or energy on someone whose idea of support is drowning suicidal people in toxic positivity.

 

[jodes2]

> course I do.
You're ignoring what I tried to explain to you.

I never said they were mutually exclusive. But the fact is you are exhibiting extreme irrationality as I described. And it is the result of mental illness here. You're in total denial about everything I tried to explain. I'm not stigmatising you or dismissing your emotions.

No-one is completely worthless. Not even a vegetable if they have someone that loves them, you just aren't thinking my statements through, you're blindly denying everything. You're determined to stick to your script so you don't have to put effort into changing anything. I'm losing my patience with you big time cos as I see it you're out of control and unhelpable without professional help - which you sorely need and would do you a world of good.

I don't have to know much about you to know certain facts. You just don't have the warewithall to appreciate what I'm saying, and I don't know how to get through to someone in such an acute case of denial, I'm not trained for that.

I give up. You do what the hell you want. I'm not getting paid nothing to be degraded like this and accused of crap just for trying to help you not make a shit show. To any rational person you're ambarassing yourself. You e clearly been reading some delusional nonsense and you're spouting it off as if it's coherent. Well, I have news for you. It's drivel.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Calling it a platitude is a stake cliche. You're in denial that your belief about yourself is simply wrong. You shouldn't just dismiss me so flippantly. You're utterly neglecting your well-being by doing that. And for what? So you don't have to put in a bit of effort to modify your thinking to something more rational?

You're simply wrong.

But if you want to throw your life away and harm those close to you without giving it an ounce of reflection, I guess there's nothing I can do. Some people are just hell bent on destruction whatever the cost, no matter how little effort it might take to prevent. It reminds me of how chatGPT hilariously failed the trolley problem. But that's another story. The problem is you're not thinking straight. No rational thought about consequences and cost. Your value system is warped beyond the pale. You have a serious mental health problem, not a rational desire to die. Absolutely two bloody different things

I believe you mean well, but I think you might be veering into proselytizing, which is against the rules here.

 

[jodes2]

I believe you mean well, but I think you might be veering into proselytizing, which is against the rules here.

Nothing religious or political in what I'm saying. But I'm dying for this conversation to end anyway to be frank so yeah I'm willing to call it a day

 

[borderline-feline]

You're ignoring what I tried to explain to you.

I never said they were mutually exclusive. But the fact is you are exhibiting extreme irrationality as I described. And it is the result of mental illness here. You're in total denial about everything I tried to explain. I'm not stigmatising you or dismissing your emotions.

No-one is completely worthless. Not even a vegetable if they have someone that loves them, you just aren't thinking my statements through, you're blindly denying everything. You're determined to stick to your script so you don't have to put effort into changing anything. I'm losing my patience with you big time cos as I see it you're out of control and unhelpable without professional help - which you sorely need and would do you a world of good.

I don't have to know much about you to know certain facts. You just don't have the warewithall to appreciate what I'm saying, and I don't know how to get through to someone in such an acute case of denial, I'm not trained for that.

I give up. You do what the hell you want. I'm not getting paid nothing to be degraded like this and accused of crap just for trying to help you not make a shit show. To any rational person you're ambarassing yourself. You e clearly been reading some delusional nonsense and you're spouting it off as if it's coherent. Well, I have news for you. It's drivel.

Regardless of what you think, you were never trying to help. All you've done has been dismissing my emotions and treating me like shit. You have not listened to a single word I have said to you.

Being loved doesn't make someone not worthless.

You're just being a condescending douchebag who thinks that proselytizing with toxic clichés is acceptable. It's not. Grow up and stop acting like you know what you're talking about when you clearly don't.

I didn't degrade you until you blatantly insulted me first. Get off your goddamn high horse and accept that you're not always right. You do not know what is best for me, and all you have done is make my mental state worse.

I never said I wanted to fucking change anything. I didn't post this in the recovery section, and I specifically tagged this as a venting post. You made the asinine assumption that I was asking for help in getting better and then proceeded to call me a terrible person for wanting to die.

I don't care if you think that you're trying to help; you're not succeeding. I did not come to this forum to be lectured by some stranger who refuses to listen to a goddamn word I say, all while consistently insulting me, only to go on to play the victim when I refuse to be treated like a doormat.

Don't interact with me again. If you say anything further in this thread, then I will have the mods lock it, because I don't need to put up with the blatant disrespect you've shown me this entire time. Anyone with a functioning brain can tell that you're not listening and that you're just making all of this worse. Just leave me alone if you're going to act like you know what's best for me while completely ignoring everything that I say.

I don't want to get better. I just need to see other people understanding my experiences. I made that very clear, and I will not say any of this again. You've derailed this entire thread, and now I'm going to get it back to the actual topic.



An update about the situation I talked about in this post for anyone who cares:

I'm feeling more and more isolated. I just blocked someone who used to be one of my favorite content creators. I had a lot of respect for him, but it all went down the drain with the way that he tweeted about this particular character. I can't fucking handle how people refuse to see the reality of this godawful writing and the horrible messages that it sends, even when the few English-speaking people who have some sense explain in detail everything wrong with it.

Nothing is going to make this better. Even if this bastardization gets fixed in future canon, which is unlikely, I'm still going to be infuriated that this happened in the first place. That said, if it does go back to how it should be, then I will never let ANYONE hear the end of it. I will rub it in their faces until the day that I die and make them feel the pain that this has brought me.

 

[jodes2]

Regardless of what you think, you were never trying to help. All you've done has been dismissing my emotions and treating me like shit. You have not listened to a single word I have said to you.

Being loved doesn't make someone not worthless.

You're just being a condescending douchebag who thinks that proselytizing with toxic clichés is acceptable. It's not. Grow up and stop acting like you know what you're talking about when you clearly don't.

I didn't degrade you until you blatantly insulted me first. Get off your goddamn high horse and accept that you're not always right. You do not know what is best for me, and all you have done is make my mental state worse.

I never said I wanted to fucking change anything. I didn't post this in the recovery section, and I specifically tagged this as a venting post. You made the asinine assumption that I was asking for help in getting better and then proceeded to call me a terrible person for wanting to die.

I don't care if you think that you're trying to help; you're not succeeding. I did not come to this forum to be lectured by some stranger who refuses to listen to a goddamn word I say, all while consistently insulting me, only to go on to play the victim when I refuse to be treated like a doormat.

Don't interact with me again. If you say anything further in this thread, then I will have the mods lock it, because I don't need to put up with the blatant disrespect you've shown me this entire time. Anyone with a functioning brain can tell that you're not listening and that you're just making all of this worse. Just leave me alone if you're going to act like you know what's best for me while completely ignoring everything that I say.

I don't want to get better. I just need to see other people understanding my experiences. I made that very clear, and I will not say any of this again. You've derailed this entire thread, and now I'm going to get it back to the actual topic.



An update about the situation I talked about in this post for anyone who cares:

I'm feeling more and more isolated. I just blocked someone who used to be one of my favorite content creators. I had a lot of respect for him, but it all went down the drain with the way that he tweeted about this particular character. I can't fucking handle how people refuse to see the reality of this godawful writing and the horrible messages that it sends, even when the few English-speaking people who have some sense explain in detail everything wrong with it.

Nothing is going to make this better. Even if this bastardization gets fixed in future canon, which is unlikely, I'm still going to be infuriated that this happened in the first place. That said, if it does go back to how it should be, then I will never let ANYONE hear the end of it. I will rub it in their faces until the day that I die and make them feel the pain that this has brought me.

Whatever. NOW. I'm not listening cos I've had enough of your criticisms. I was trying to help and I wasn't proselytizing

 

[MidnightCat]

If it helps in any amount...

I had quite a breakdown over the final of a manga. It was in part because of what happened to one of the characters aaaand... Because I used to relate that character with me , so in a way I felt hurt.


I do understand I sound insane..