Venting IRL friends and impatience to CTB

[NHLTradeRumor]

I have zero friends irl, and it's been this way for almost 2 years now, and it's really really depressing. I don't go to school and I don't have a job, so there is basically no way for me to actually make irl friends now. I spend 90% of my waking life either playing a game or doing nothing, which makes me incredibly bored and lonely. I used to have irl friends but after some events, I cut contact with them, and moved shortly after with my parents. Being completely alone is really hard, and I hate it. Of course, even if I did have friends, I'd still execute my plan to CTB soon (once my SN arrives), so me wanting an irl friend is pretty meaningless is I'd just CTB anyway, but I still wish I could have someone to talk to in the meantime.Men I meet online that live nearby usually only wanna have sex with me, either because they're horny for one night or because they're a tr*nny chaser, and women either don't want anything to with me or have zero common interests.

More than anything, at this moment, I want a distraction for long enough to get my SN, because I'm an incredibly impatient person (plus I've already been waiting awhile for it). I've been planning to CTB for months now, and now that I'm finally so close, I'm getting antsy. I really want to finally be done with living, I have wanted to since I was like 12 years old, at least in a way. Seeing this world and how shit it really is, along with all the pro-lifers, and my own intense desire to die make me a bit impatient to get my SN. It says it'll be here by the 28th, but I am so not wanting to wait that long. I know I can't sleep for 20 hours a day until then, so I really don't know what do do to pass the time as quickly as possible. I know that i should be patient, as when i get my SN, I will finally be at peace, but it's hard knowing that it's coming but still feels like so far away.

For my second point, I would like some advice on how to just chill the hell out and be patient for my SN to arrive. I've always been impatient, and it's biting me in the ass right now.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable just wanting to be gone and feeling frustrated that you are still here. I think that in my case, if I knew that the SN would be arriving by the end of the month I would feel some kind of relief knowing that I will soon have a way out. I guess all that one can do, is just wait and eventually time will pass but I get that it's hard. This world certainly is such an awful place and I very much envy those who are already peacefully not existing.