Venting Intrusive/obsessive thoughts getting worse.

[iDieUDie80]

I'm alone at home all day as I wait to begin a new treatment program, and my distressing thoughts are allowed to prosper. I was previously getting help for my OCD with a partial hospitalization program at-home, but I was kicked out because they insisted I had to go to inpatient because my suicidal thoughts were too serious, too frequent, and I was beginning to act on them. Their thought process was that being at inpatient would make me a higher priority for residential treatment, so I could continue the same OCD treatment in a safe setting. Yet, I was denied into residential twice. And after returning from inpatient, I'm no longer in the partial hospitalization program.

I'm mainly sticking around because of my friend, whom I love a lot, and I know she would be devastated if and when I end my life. She's going to be taking off work to get together with me ahead of my birthday in a few months, and that's all I'm looking forward to. It's just so fucking hard. I don't know what to do. It's bullshit that I can't get everyday care for my OCD anymore.

 

[WornOutLife]

Not exactly in the same boat but I suffer from bipolar disorder and there are days when I'm just garbage in spite of having a wonderful family and friends (although I don't see them anymore).


I understand it's difficult but, why not start doing something different as a hobby which you might be interested in? It could be a new tv show, a game, a sport, a language, books, whatever!

I've been able to "stabilize" my bipolarity by doing that during these days. Hope it lasts and if it doesn't well, I'll consider CTB again but I think we don't lose nothing by "trying" (and I actually need more time because my method would be partially haning which is not easy at all)

 

[iDieUDie80]

Not exactly in the same boat but I suffer from bipolar disorder and there are days when I'm just garbage in spite of having a wonderful family and friends (although I don't see them anymore).


I understand it's difficult but, why not start doing something different as a hobby which you might be interested in? It could be a new tv show, a game, a sport, a language, books, whatever!

I've been able to "stabilize" my bipolarity by doing that during these days. Hope it lasts and if it doesn't well, I'll consider CTB again but I think we don't lose nothing by "trying" (and I actually need more time because my method would be partially haning which is not easy at all)

It's just like, something good finally comes along, I feel better, and my OCD has to go after that one positive thing. The sabotage seems ruthless.

I did just finish reading a book the other night, but focusing on certain things, such as books and movies and TV are sometimes difficult because I'm distracted by intrusive thoughts and rumination. Sometimes media can be triggering as well.

 

[InaccessibleHour]

That's a mood. OCD has ruined my life and is the main reason why I'm here. I can't enjoy any media the way I used to, I can barely enjoy anything the way I used to. And I believe the type I have is not fully curable...... I can't stand the thought of having to live with this BS for 60 more years if I don't die earlier......

 

[GravityUtilizer]

It's just like, something good finally comes along, I feel better, and my OCD has to go after that one positive thing. The sabotage seems ruthless.

Alas I know all too well this experience. It is truly brutal.

 

[all_pointless]

Yes OCD is aweful