Venting Interviews make me want to ctb

[Pinkliquid12]

Heyy just having a bit of crash out rn!!
I really hate interviews because they make me feel like I should be dead. No amount of preparation rewires my brain for a performance format it fundamentally does not fit. I'm quiet, neurodivergent, anxious, and freeze under scrutiny. I have verbal processing and working memory issues. Any communication strengths I do have cannot be applied in an interview. People mistake pauses for being unprepared. Asking to have a question repeated is mistaken for poor listening and also being unprepared. I have poor memory so I cannot recall past experiences well, which results in me being vague or making stuff up, which sounds like I'm unprepared or I'm lying. Sure, there are more understanding interviewers, but most are neurotypical HR fucks. Interviews are not for me.
Jobs that require less complex interviews are low paying and if they aren't, they're scarce.
And then when I don't do well in an interview? Everyone just says I didn't prepare enough. It's always my fucking fault. Because really there isn't anything wrong with me - I just don't want to work! I'm so fucking lazy!! They don't want to admit to themselves, or simply can't comprehend, that some people are not cut out for job searching!! I'm so fucking sick of being blamed!!!

Anyways, I have another lovely interview tomorrow. I'll go out of spite, to show that I'm trying. I'll embarrass myself AGAIN, get stressed out AGAIN, feel bad and worthless AGAIN, but it's not like I have anything to lose. I'll walk in, talk like a fucking idiot, and leave. Truly, I am an inspiration. I really don't want to die, but I am constantly reminded that I don't have much choice.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Can I ask? You mentioned neurotypicals. Are you or, do you suspect yourself neurodivergent? Do you disclose that to them? In the UK, they usually ask if you need any specific requirements in an interview. I always wondered what would happen if people did disclose things. Do you think it might make them prejudiced against you from the start?

I can't say I like interviews either. I'm pretty bad at remembering what I did, when too.

Could you take along visual cues maybe? Your CV maybe. I don't know. I suppose their worry is- if you can't remember stuff for an interview, how will you handle the job? It's still such a poor way of assessing suitability though- I think. But then, I don't know what else they could do.

For me- I think it's more been my personal skills. It's obvious I'm not a sociable person. I find that kind of weird though. It should be evident I have worked with people. I wonder what they think I'm going to do! Lol.

I'm sorry though. I hate the whole rollercoaster of it all. My worst experiences were the near misses. The few times the interview actually felt quite positive and then ended in rejection. Weirdly, two interviews I was sure were failures ended in job offers. I hope it goes well for you. Do you like the sound of the job at least? That's hard- when you have to try and bluff.

 

[woodlandcreature]

Do you think it might make them prejudiced against you from the start?

not in the uk, but in my experience you cannot tell them about any neurodivergence or disability. greatly decreases chances of getting hired, as they are absolutely prejudiced. "anti-discrimination laws" are almost never effective. employers don't want to "deal" with us (even if an accommodation may be small or it's just understanding a person thinks differently).

 

[Forever Sleep]

not in the uk, but in my experience you cannot tell them about any neurodivergence or disability. greatly decreases chances of getting hired, as they are absolutely prejudiced. "anti-discrimination laws" are almost never effective. employers don't want to "deal" with us (even if an accommodation may be small or it's just understanding a person thinks differently).

Yeah, that wouldn't surprise me. Companies are supposed to be equal opportunities but I doubt they are.

 

[joey2424]

Ohhh I relate to this so much. I know that "everyone hates interviews" but the way I feel about them is on another level. It's exactly how you describe it, I feel like there is no way to be prepared for any infinite number of specific questions they could ask. And when I'm anxious to this degree I CANT THINK. So no matter how much time I prepare (and even the act of preparing is incredibly anxiety inducing), I can never feel ready. I get physically sick before interviews, and (luckily interviews have been virtual lately) I get into bed and cry immediately after I'm done. I really think that standard interviews only test your ability to BS on the spot and makes absolutely no sense in terms of actually figuring out if someone is qualified.

ANYWAY I have some tips.

- the interviewer wants you to do well. They do not have this negative bias about you that you have about yourself. They WANT to find someone to hire. They think it could be you, that's why you're there.
- I can't come up with examples on the spot AT ALL. When I prepare, I practice talking about like 10-15 different experiences I've had (honestly some are made up). Some examples of things I solved, some where there was some problem (problem coworker, missed a deadline, etc). When they ask me a question, I pick one of the stories I practiced and wedge it to fit the question. Sometimes it's a reach. I don't think it matters.
- one time I literally said "can we come back to this question at the end, I'm having trouble thinking of an example". When we came back to it, I said honestly I still can't think of anything. I didn't answer the question. I nearly passed away from embarrassment after. I GOT that job. It's really NOT that serious.
- it's ok to say "oh that's a good question. Let me think about this one" that doesn't make you look stupid. It's good to think before you speak. It's impossible to be prepared for literally any infinite number of questions.

Hope this helps. Hope I never have to interview again. Hope you don't either.

 

[Pinkliquid12]

Can I ask? You mentioned neurotypicals. Are you or, do you suspect yourself neurodivergent? Do you disclose that to them? In the UK, they usually ask if you need any specific requirements in an interview. I always wondered what would happen if people did disclose things. Do you think it might make them prejudiced against you from the start?

I can't say I like interviews either. I'm pretty bad at remembering what I did, when too.

Could you take along visual cues maybe? Your CV maybe. I don't know. I suppose their worry is- if you can't remember stuff for an interview, how will you handle the job? It's still such a poor way of assessing suitability though- I think. But then, I don't know what else they could do.

For me- I think it's more been my personal skills. It's obvious I'm not a sociable person. I find that kind of weird though. It should be evident I have worked with people. I wonder what they think I'm going to do! Lol.

I'm sorry though. I hate the whole rollercoaster of it all. My worst experiences were the near misses. The few times the interview actually felt quite positive and then ended in rejection. Weirdly, two interviews I was sure were failures ended in job offers. I hope it goes well for you. Do you like the sound of the job at least? That's hard- when you have to try and bluff.

I'm in Canada, and it's generally considered good practice to not disclose that you have some kind of mental health problem or disability. Companies like to go on and on about diversity being our strength but if you're not going through some social program that subsidizes your wages or pays for your training they really don't want anything to do with you. Like woodlandcreature said, they don't want to 'deal' with us when they can easily choose a 'normal' candidate. I've got major depressive disorder, ADHD, and I'm waiting to get diagnosed with autism. I can do the job, but I do not bring the diversity they're looking for.
It is a poor way of assessing suitability! I think it is good if the goal is to just get a feel of someone's personality, and if it's a role that needs a lot of socializing then certainly their social skills should come off in an in-person interview, even if they are nervous. All this grilling about "Name a time when x happened, what did you do and what did you learn?" or "How do your skills align with this position?" gets ridiculous - like if you wanted a robust, informative answer, the best the candidate can give so you can understand them, you should be giving these questions prior!! Either way they're gonna say whatever they think you'll like!! What the fuck do you mean "What does diversity mean to you"?? Do I need to give you the definition???
So tired of jumping thru hoops just to be reminded that I'm inferior. So emotionally draining. The job would be a good fit for me and I don't feel like I need to bluff about my skills, but it's hard to recall a specific situation where I did something that proved I had those skills.
The interview went alright. The people were pleasant and I tried to match that and make some jokes. There were some times where I felt like I was talking like a hockey player on the news, but I think I'm getting better at lying. Of course, when I was walking to the car I was absolutely covered in sweat. I'm in a constant battle to try to have hope but not too much hope, cause it always seems like a matter of luck.

Ohhh I relate to this so much. I know that "everyone hates interviews" but the way I feel about them is on another level. It's exactly how you describe it, I feel like there is no way to be prepared for any infinite number of specific questions they could ask. And when I'm anxious to this degree I CANT THINK. So no matter how much time I prepare (and even the act of preparing is incredibly anxiety inducing), I can never feel ready. I get physically sick before interviews, and (luckily interviews have been virtual lately) I get into bed and cry immediately after I'm done. I really think that standard interviews only test your ability to BS on the spot and makes absolutely no sense in terms of actually figuring out if someone is qualified.

ANYWAY I have some tips.

- the interviewer wants you to do well. They do not have this negative bias about you that you have about yourself. They WANT to find someone to hire. They think it could be you, that's why you're there.
- I can't come up with examples on the spot AT ALL. When I prepare, I practice talking about like 10-15 different experiences I've had (honestly some are made up). Some examples of things I solved, some where there was some problem (problem coworker, missed a deadline, etc). When they ask me a question, I pick one of the stories I practiced and wedge it to fit the question. Sometimes it's a reach. I don't think it matters.
- one time I literally said "can we come back to this question at the end, I'm having trouble thinking of an example". When we came back to it, I said honestly I still can't think of anything. I didn't answer the question. I nearly passed away from embarrassment after. I GOT that job. It's really NOT that serious.
- it's ok to say "oh that's a good question. Let me think about this one" that doesn't make you look stupid. It's good to think before you speak. It's impossible to be prepared for literally any infinite number of questions.

Hope this helps. Hope I never have to interview again. Hope you don't either.

Oh yeah I usually cry the night before an interview. Even if you try to logic your way out of anxiety and negativity, it's hard not to be an absolute mess because it kind of is a matter of life and death (we need money to live).
Honestly feels like interviewers don't want to hire people a lot of the time, what with all the nonsense they ask. You're right that they're just trying to do their job. But when there's not a lot that sets you apart from other candidates, the interview can make so much of a difference, so I feel like I have to be hypervigilant in how I express myself.
Oh god, 10-15? That's amazing. I stick to like, 3 vague experiences and then add in things to make it relevant. I don't think I can actively remember that many others. I feel like my inner voice completely disappears during interviews and I rely entirely off of instinct.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm in Canada, and it's generally considered good practice to not disclose that you have some kind of mental health problem or disability. Companies like to go on and on about diversity being our strength but if you're not going through some social program that subsidizes your wages or pays for your training they really don't want anything to do with you. Like woodlandcreature said, they don't want to 'deal' with us when they can easily choose a 'normal' candidate. I've got major depressive disorder, ADHD, and I'm waiting to get diagnosed with autism. I can do the job, but I do not bring the diversity they're looking for.
It is a poor way of assessing suitability! I think it is good if the goal is to just get a feel of someone's personality, and if it's a role that needs a lot of socializing then certainly their social skills should come off in an in-person interview, even if they are nervous. All this grilling about "Name a time when x happened, what did you do and what did you learn?" or "How do your skills align with this position?" gets ridiculous - like if you wanted a robust, informative answer, the best the candidate can give so you can understand them, you should be giving these questions prior!! Either way they're gonna say whatever they think you'll like!! What the fuck do you mean "What does diversity mean to you"?? Do I need to give you the definition???
So tired of jumping thru hoops just to be reminded that I'm inferior. So emotionally draining. The job would be a good fit for me and I don't feel like I need to bluff about my skills, but it's hard to recall a specific situation where I did something that proved I had those skills.
The interview went alright. The people were pleasant and I tried to match that and make some jokes. There were some times where I felt like I was talking like a hockey player on the news, but I think I'm getting better at lying. Of course, when I was walking to the car I was absolutely covered in sweat. I'm in a constant battle to try to have hope but not too much hope, cause it always seems like a matter of luck.

Oh yeah I usually cry the night before an interview. Even if you try to logic your way out of anxiety and negativity, it's hard not to be an absolute mess because it kind of is a matter of life and death (we need money to live).
Honestly feels like interviewers don't want to hire people a lot of the time, what with all the nonsense they ask. You're right that they're just trying to do their job. But when there's not a lot that sets you apart from other candidates, the interview can make so much of a difference, so I feel like I have to be hypervigilant in how I express myself.
Oh god, 10-15? That's amazing. I stick to like, 3 vague experiences and then add in things to make it relevant. I don't think I can actively remember that many others. I feel like my inner voice completely disappears during interviews and I rely entirely off of instinct.

Fingers crossed for you that you get the job.