Very relatable. Thank you for posting.
I've been in a similar position since I was 16-17 years old and I'm 28 now. The main difference is that I no longer live with my father since 2016. I would still be living with him if I'd had more of a choice in the matter. I started shutting myself away shortly after I went to college (not that I ever went out much to begin with) which is something that someone else chose for me as I've never had any idea of what I wanted to do. I've never had any dreams, goals, aspirations, whatever you want to call it. I dropped out quickly because of not being able to cope, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, etc. I survive off of several different benefits I get from the government and while my father no longer supports me in that way, he's still a huge pillar of support in my life. I know that once he passes I'll definitely have no choice but to CTB. I would rather do it much sooner though, especially since I'm really feeling the pressure being put on me to part of society, get a job, become a wage slave and an assortment of other things I'd rather just not do. I've never felt any drive to do anything with my life.
Also, I feel kind of bad being on this site when there's so many people suffering on here that are in chronic pain and have had terrible things happen to them, whereas I sound like I'm a childish, self-absorbed, whiny and stubborn sack of shit, but regardless my head feels like it's constantly screaming at me. I still feel like I'm in mental anguish. I don't see the point in a life where one is forced to work just to survive, get over hurdles only for more to keep being thrown at you, trying to cling to little bits of happiness when there's so much crap. I have been told by therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, and so forth that I have to find a meaning, something, anything to make life worth living but I don't want a meaning. I feel like that's being said because they need to get you into society, drain you of everything within you and exploit you.
There's more to why my agoraphobia got worse and worse and why I haven't topped myself sooner, but I don't want to bore anyone reading this dribble. Sorry if I sounded like I was repeating myself over and over. It's a common habit with my postings on this site to repeat the same thing because it's on my mind constantly, so I'm like a broken record that needs destroying.