Help Interested in how to remove emotions

[magicalsarcoma]

I was wondering if you know any ways to feel no fucking feelings? I'm on benzos and alcohol right now. And i don't feel anything, hah, everything seems unimportant/insignificant. I like this state, it feels like freedom. In ordinary life, my emotions are also quite blunted, but I'm able to get upset sometimes, feel unindifferent to things happening in the world, worry about injustice and similar things. I think this preoccupation with the imperfection of everything around often hinders me. And I've almost never been able to notice something good, so it seems reasonable to me in principle to get rid of emotions. And i remember times when i couldn't be happy, but also not worry at all about all that global bullshit. But i don't know how to reach this again in sobriety (hospital, medical treatment and conversations with psychotherapists and psychologists didn't help). So I'm interested in your thoughts or experience about such things, if there are any

 

[Gordy99]

Benzos is a good start. I'm on klonopin and risperdal and I show very little emotion. I don't really have any feelings at all. Every once in a while something will bother me and I get upset and it shows.

 

[Angi]

The experience I have to offer is not a desireable one, sadly. I backed out of an attempt and felt no emotions for a while after. All a felt was a terrible emptiness, detached from all life around me. So no emotions, but the lack of anything else was rather excrutiating.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

Benzos is a good start. I'm on klonopin and risperdal and I show very little emotion. I don't really have any feelings at all. Every once in a while something will bother me and I get upset and it shows.

Klonopin is the best of benzodiazepines, in my opinion. I've tried almost all of them. But i use them recreationally, constant use provokes too serious addiction, and low dosages don't really work for me anyway. Risperidone is good, but neuroleptics have quite many side effects. About neuroleptics - i just drink quetiapine when i can't sleep

 

[motel rooms]

I was wondering if you know any ways to feel no fucking feelings? I'm on benzos and alcohol right now. And i don't feel anything, hah, everything seems unimportant/insignificant.

Are you sure you're interested in recovery? You can get rid of your emotions only if you're prepared to get rid of your life.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

The experience I have to offer is not a desireable one, sadly. I backed out of an attempt and felt no emotions for a while after. All a felt was a terrible emptiness, detached from all life around me. So no emotions, but the lack of anything else was rather excrutiating.

Don't you think it was the disappointment backing out of an attempt or something like this? I just remember a time when i was upset by the leave of one person. I would also call it a terrible emptiness. Maybe a more appropriate word would be emptiness, rather than indifference, which i like

 

[motel rooms]

Don't you think it was the disappointment backing out of an attempt or something like this? I just remember a time when i was upset by the leave of one person. I would also call it a terrible emptiness. Maybe a more appropriate word would be emptiness, rather than indifference, which i like

Are you interested in recovery? This is the Recovery section...

 

[magicalsarcoma]

Are you sure you're interested in recovery? You can get rid of your emotions only if you're prepared to get rid of your life.

Hah, no, I'm not sure. I'm also not sure that my question refers to something that can be called healthy. But i thought that this thread isn't suitable for suicide discussions, because my question isn't necessarily related to death. Based on experience, it's possible to feel nothing being alive. And i have some responsibilities, so I'm still interested in continuing living

 

[Angi]

Are you sure you're interested in recovery? You can get rid of your emotions only if you're prepared to get rid of your life.

This sounds like we are going for a philosophical discussion that might get interesting! Can there be life without emotions? If so, can there be human life without emotions? And to get to the meat of your last question: Is OP looking for a life without emotions?

Don't you think it was the disappointment backing out of an attempt or something like this?

I am quite certain it was not disappointment. I get to make my own decisions. I may choose to live.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

I am quite certain it was not disappointment. I get to make my own decisions. I may choose to live.

Oh, okay. Then, probably, i haven't feelt that terrible emptiness, which isn't associated with disappointment, yet. Sorry for miscommunication

 

[motel rooms]

I'm also not sure that my question refers to something that can be called healthy.

It definitely doesn't...

Based on experience, it's possible to feel nothing being alive.

Yeah, but only if you abuse dangerous substances. I've been on the same dose of Xanax for a loooong time (& I'm addicted to it, of course), but it still works because I don't abuse it to numb myself. I don't want to fry my brain & end up suffering even more.

Benzos is a good start. I'm on klonopin and risperdal and I show very little emotion. I don't really have any feelings at all. Every once in a while something will bother me and I get upset and it shows.

That sort of means you haven't gotten rid of your emotions.

 

[Angi]

Oh, okay. Then, probably, i haven't feelt that terrible emptiness, which isn't associated with disappointment, yet. Sorry for miscommunication

No worries! That's what communication is for!

@motel rooms , do you mean you generally do not want to fry your brain, or you never want to fry your brain? If the latter, how did you get there?

 

[magicalsarcoma]

Yeah, but only if you abuse dangerous substances. I've been on the same dose of Xanax for a loooong time (& I'm addicted to it, of course), but it still works because I don't abuse it to numb myself. I don't want to fry my brain & end up suffering even more.

I'm not sure about this is possible only with abusing dangerous substances. I mean, sometimes i just fell into this state for weeks (or a couple of months?). I also was able to do this before i tried meds that give this effect. Stories about monks or something who are capable of not responding to stimuli at all, if believe these stories, have surfaced in my head now. I guess that's what i meant when i was talking about being free from emotions. I think it's convenient
I guess it's great that you're able to use the same dosage of xanax for a long time. Unfortunately, i can't do it that way - i just stop sleeping at one point (I'm talking about fairly low dosages when i tried to use such meds as prescribed by a doctor/steadily)

 

[yabuki77]

Sorry to break it to you, but when you are on xanax and alcohol, it doesn't magically get rid of your feelings. You just happen to be feeling the euphoric effects of the drugs, and the more you do them, even after taking tolerance breaks, the more your brain will become used to the feelings, the more you will need to take. And the more your life will suck when you are off of them. What you're actually asking is "how do i get high 24/7 so I don't have to deal with my life/feelings?" and that is impossible while in sobriety and even while you're high it is a very slippery slope that will make you descend further into addiction.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm not sure about this is possible only with abusing dangerous substances. I mean, sometimes i just fell into this state for weeks (or a couple of months?). I also was able to do this before i tried meds that give this effect.

Were those episodes good for your mental health? How did they end?

Stories about monks or something who are capable of not responding to stimuli at all, if believe these stories, have surfaced in my head now. I guess that's what i meant when i was talking about being free from emotions. I think it's convenient

Don't worry, some Buddhist Good Samaritan's gonna suggest you start meditating any minute now. Good luck with achieving enlightened zombification... We all keep repeating ourselves on here, so I might as well say this for the millionth time: Why spend your entire life meditating ten hours a day when you can get to Nirvana by taking the Cobain shortcut?

@motel rooms , do you mean you generally do not want to fry your brain, or you never want to fry your brain? If the latter, how did you get there?

I never want to fry my brain, I want to be able to interact with the man I love & work until it's time for me to blow my brains out.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

Sorry to break it to you, but when you are on xanax and alcohol, it doesn't magically get rid of your feelings. You just happen to be feeling the euphoric effects of the drugs, and the more you do them, even after taking tolerance breaks, the more your brain will become used to the feelings, the more you will need to take.

That's why I'd like to somehow get rid of the remnants of emotional shit while remaining sober.

What you're actually asking is "how do i get high 24/7 so I don't have to deal with my life/feelings?" and that is impossible while in sobriety and even while you're high it is a very slippery slope that will make you descend further into addiction.

You're probably right, eh

Were those episodes good for your mental health? How did they end?

I don't know what was good for my mental health. But it was good enough, i was working hard that time, and i was good at coping with everything, although i didn't care about anything. I would say that such episodes ended when something particularly outstanding happened - no matter if it was good or bad. By particularly outstanding, i mean something like being forced to move several thousand kilometers or someone's death

Don't worry, some Buddhist Good Samaritan's gonna suggest you start meditating any minute now. Good luck with achieving enlightened zombification... We all keep repeating ourselves on here, so I might as well say this for the millionth time: Why spend your entire life meditating ten hours a day when you can get to Nirvana by taking the Cobain shortcut?

Sounds fine, hah. Cobain shortcut doesn't suit me because, as i said, i have some responsibilities. I'm responsible for four cats, i support the lives of several people, after all, i promised someone not to die so soon, unless some kind of catastrophe happens. So it would be kinda dishonestly to ctb soon when nothing too bad is happening and i just haven't been satisfied with the world for as long as i can remember

 

[motel rooms]

Sounds fine, hah. Cobain shortcut doesn't suit me because, as i said, i have some responsibilities. I'm responsible for four cats, i support the lives of several people, after all, i promised someone not to die so soon, unless some kind of catastrophe happens. So it would be kinda dishonestly to ctb soon when nothing too bad is happening and i just haven't been satisfied with the world for as long as i can remember

I hope it's clear I'm not encouraging you to ctb. My only point is that it's impossible to get rid of emotions. All we can do is manage them...

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I don't think it is good to mix benzos with alcohol.

 

[motel rooms]

I don't think it is good to mix benzos with alcohol.

It's good , the problem is that it isn't healthy.

 

[motel rooms]

This sounds like we are going for a philosophical discussion that might get interesting!

Stay away from philosophy if you want to stay alive.

Can there be life without emotions? If so, can there be human life without emotions?

What's the point of a life without positive emotions?

 

[Chinaski]

Don't worry, some Buddhist Good Samaritan's gonna suggest you start meditating any minute now.

Have you ever considered, like, not needlessly dropping irrelevant passive aggressive snark about other users behind their backs across various threads? Every single time you do it it says a damn sight more about you than it does the person you're aiming at. Go direct, or don't fucking bother imo.

 

[Glowarm]

It is possible, with practice, to shut down emotionally. Bit by bit I slowly shut myself down once a long while back. I pretty much felt nothing all the time. No bad, no depression, no anxiety, no wanting to ctb, no good, no happiness, I was just there.

Turns out deeply suppressing your emotions is not a good thing though. At some point the dam of emotions inside will burst, and it was one of the worst things I've ever experienced.

 

[motel rooms]

Turns out deeply suppressing your emotions is not a good thing though. At some point the dam of emotions inside will burst, and it was one of the worst things I've ever experienced.

Exactly.

 

[Angi]

Stay away from philosophy if you want to stay alive.

What's the point of a life without positive emotions?

I like the first statement! Maybe we should move this to Suicide Discussion after all! How does philosophy kill, anger your neighbours with guns?

What is the point of life? If I knew I could start to look for an answer to your question... I agree with the point I guess you are trying to make, though. Why else would we bother? (Barring responsibility for others, of course.)

Don't worry, some Buddhist Good Samaritan's gonna suggest you start meditating any minute now. Good luck with achieving enlightened zombification... We all keep repeating ourselves on here, so I might as well say this for the millionth time: Why spend your entire life meditating ten hours a day when you can get to Nirvana by taking the Cobain shortcut?

Thanks for adding this perspective, even though it is not one that works for you. And to answer your question: Life seems to feel better for people who successfully meditate. People who can should probably give it a shot, even more if they seek numbed emotions. It does not work for everyone, though. If I try, my trauma demons rise and unite and crash the party like uninvited guests who just show up and smash all the furniture. I like to hope that they will eventually grow tired of this.

It is possible, with practice, to shut down emotionally. Bit by bit I slowly shut myself down once a long while back. I pretty much felt nothing all the time. No bad, no depression, no anxiety, no wanting to ctb, no good, no happiness, I was just there.

Turns out deeply suppressing your emotions is not a good thing though. At some point the dam of emotions inside will burst, and it was one of the worst things I've ever experienced.

This must have been agony, I hope it lies far behind you. Reinforces my point, as long as there is life, emotions will find their way into it.

 

[motel rooms]

How does philosophy kill, anger your neighbours with guns?

Philosophy makes you think. Don't do that. Listen to the great masters of Zen & stop taking thoughts seriously, especially if they sound profound.

What is the point of life?

Nope. (No, I didn't misspell dope.)

Life seems to feel better for people who successfully meditate. People who can should probably give it a shot, even more if they seek numbed emotions. It does not work for everyone, though. If I try, my trauma demons rise and unite and crash the party like uninvited guests who just show up and smash all the furniture. I like to hope that they will eventually grow tired of this.

Meditation is contraindicated for people with certain mental health issues. Decent meditation teachers like Stephen Batchelor, a very influential secular Buddhist, isn't afraid to admit that. I wish I'd heard of him before I spent a full year diligently observing my damn breath every single day & telling myself that the flashbacks & nightmares that make me want to die are in fact neutral, completely harmless experiences. I'm incredibly lucky my demons didn't make me bash my brain in with a hammer back then.

You know what I think meditation is? A fancy name for the practice of ordinary patience/endurance. "Stay calm & don't let your silly thoughts/feelings make you suffer. Don't be a sucker & let them suck you into their vortex. It's all in your mind, it's all a storm in a teacup, a paper tiger; pain is just another silly illusion."

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Ugh I just wish I could stop feeling things forever.