Insomnia

[TheGoodGuy]

I Doubt anyone will read but here goes

Insomnia is so bad recently it just came out of nowhere about a week ago I got what I could only tell by google that was "manic depression" it was horrible so I had so much energy despite being on benzos I am/was currently tapering down and was at 2.5mg Diazepam two times a day but when the mania hit I took 5mg and then 2.5mg a couple hours later and it didn´t seem to help much, that was almost a week ago.

So for almost a week I can´t fall asleep at night when I finally fall asleep the time is around 7-8am if lucky but for the most part I will have to wait until 10am I also have Aspergers so routine is extremely important to me and this insomnia messes so much with my routine and ruin my ctb plans I am waiting for beautiful sunny day as it should be today but since I sleep the day away because I can´t fall asleep at night I miss all the perfect days.

Right now it´s 6:05am and I still am wide awake not feeling tired at all, a few days ago I had considered maybe just taking an all nighter and try and ctb on a sunny day but as you know it feels weird to be sleep deprived and I originally want to be clear minded when doing it which contradict my next idea that maybe I should just get drunk soon and take the bus out to my childhood town and see if I feel like doing it although I am sure I won´t since when I normally get drunk I feel like not wanted to ctb at all because my ideal set and setting is clean of benzoes, not on any drug, calm collected (rationally thinking) and ctb at an emotionally spot from my childhood on a beautiful sunny day while thinking about my childhood so being sleep deprived and drunk will ruin that moment but objectively this is stupid because death is death all of this I just explained really only matter subjectively to me because once I am dead I most likely just seize to exist but hopefully wake up from this dream as a child again.

 

[theguineapigking]

I Doubt anyone will read but here goes

Insomnia is so bad recently it just came out of nowhere about a week ago I got what I could only tell by google that was "manic depression" it was horrible so I had so much energy despite being on benzos I am/was currently tapering down and was at 2.5mg Diazepam two times a day but when the mania hit I took 5mg and then 2.5mg a couple hours later and it didn´t seem to help much, that was almost a week ago.

So for almost a week I can´t fall asleep at night when I finally fall asleep the time is around 7-8am if lucky but for the most part I will have to wait until 10am I also have Aspergers so routine is extremely important to me and this insomnia messes so much with my routine and ruin my ctb plans I am waiting for beautiful sunny day as it should be today but since I sleep the day away because I can´t fall asleep at night I miss all the perfect days.

Right now it´s 6:05am and I still am wide awake not feeling tired at all, a few days ago I had considered maybe just taking an all nighter and try and ctb on a sunny day but as you know it feels weird to be sleep deprived and I originally want to be clear minded when doing it which contradict my next idea that maybe I should just get drunk soon and take the bus out to my childhood town and see if I feel like doing it although I am sure I won´t since when I normally get drunk I feel like not wanted to ctb at all because my ideal set and setting is clean of benzoes, not on any drug, calm collected (rationally thinking) and ctb at an emotionally spot from my childhood on a beautiful sunny day while thinking about my childhood so being sleep deprived and drunk will ruin that moment but objectively this is stupid because death is death all of this I just explained really only matter subjectively to me because once I am dead I most likely just seize to exist but hopefully wake up from this dream as a child again.

I get what you mean. I really do.

I've thought about being drugged up when ctb. But I would rather be clear minded. Especially when I'm sleep deprived, it throws me off and it's harder to ctb because I just want to sleep. It's also hard to focus on going through with it, let alone that I'd rather be clear minded as I already said. Yet I've asked myself the same thing " if death is death, what's it matter if I'm tired or drugged up?" I have no idea why I feel this way. But I totally relate to you there.


My schedule is really really bad. I sleep from 8-9 am to 7-8 am at night unless I work my evening shift. This is due to depression and avoiding everyone. I also have trouble sleeping when thinking about ending it all and having anxiety.

The idea of traveling to your childhood spot is understandably a peaceful idea. But like you said, being sleep deprived would likely screw it up. It'll effect you actually being in the right mindset to end it. That's something you'd have to decide. Maybe if you have that one night where you happen to magically fall asleep earlier?


I wish you luck dude. It's been fun talking with you by the way.

 

[MsMaudlin]

I suffer terrible insomnia.

I'm currently addicted to promethazine, if I don't take 4 tablets a night I stay awake all night. When I take those I do get a few hours of sleep, even then its hour by hour waking.
Affects everything
❤