BitterlyAlive_
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- Dec 8, 2020
- 2,394
I was looking through my threads on my old account and found one dubbed "Insert Title Here". I was reading through it and cried. Everything I wrote is still true today. It hurts so bad. This really stood out:
Maybe it's best if I just leave. I admit I'm a bit drunk right now, and I don't want to self-ban again without really thinking about it. But God, everything hurts.
I feel just like this to this day, nothing has changed. I feel like I'm continuing to ruin relationships and drive people away. I don't know what to say about anything, I struggle to actually support people. I feel like an outsider. The pain is still overwhelming, but now it seems worse because so many people are gone.My emotions are consuming me and it's so hard to think of anything else. I really struggle to support other people because I'm so overwhelmed by my stupid pain. I've always been this way, and there's been recent discourse in the community. I don't want to cause any more by being so selfish. People deserve actual support on here.
At the same time, my brain has been telling me all week that I don't even belong here. I've just been trying to convince myself that I do because I'm so lonely. My friends can't support me, and people I grew to rely on irl don't want me around anymore either. My own parents just see me as an obligation and don't even want to talk to me.
I don't know what to do. I'm just completely dysphoric. I can't keep posting on here, I can't talk about it irl. It's just getting worse and worse and worse. And as it worsens, I have less to say on here anyway. I can't pull my own weight.
Maybe it's best if I just leave. I admit I'm a bit drunk right now, and I don't want to self-ban again without really thinking about it. But God, everything hurts.