Inferiority complex

[Bitterman1996]

Venting.

How do you deal with them? The more I see someone especially my age who has done a lot of things, i feel envious. Maybe it's vain, but I really am struggling right now so when I connected with people online and learn how much better are their position in life compared to me i can't help but to be envious. I think it's mainly because i tied my self worth to my grades before, but studying to appease my parents doesn't work anymore in the university so i ended up dropping out. A lot of people i meet online are relatively well-adjusted, they're relatively normal that it's hard to talk to them after a while. I get that there's high functioning depressed people, but in comparison im just ashamed to be uselessly alive. Then i start to avoid them. Then I'll get lonely all over again..

I'm not sure if it's even possible to 'start over', I'm almost 25 without any formal job history and university degree. It's hard to rely on anyone and i barely knew anyone. Meeting therapist just sounds like I'll compulsively lie and pretend I'll immediately getting better when that's not the case. I feel clueless, im tired. I want to die but I'm a coward. I feel retarded it feels it's too late now.

I get that comparing yourself to someone else is dumb, but it's always been this way. Even my siblings are much more preferable than me. If I'm never going to be good enough, why even staying alive.,

 

[GrumpyFrog]

The more I see someone especially my age who has done a lot of things, i feel envious. Maybe it's vain, but I really am struggling right now so when I connected with people online and learn how much better are their position in life compared to me i can't help but to be envious.

Hey, this is a very normal feeling. Lots of people struggle with this. There might be even someone out there envious of yourself.

How do you deal with them?

I don't have a magic recipe that will make these thoughts go away forever tomorrow, but as basic as it sounds I believe the best way to deal with this feeling is just to focus on doing what you want and try not to think about whether you've acheived a lot, whether you're successful etc. Just distract yourself with something when the thoughts get bad. After all, everything is essentially meaningless if you really think about it. It just doesn't matter if others are more or less "well-adjusted". Life is super unpredictable, it can turn upside down any second and your successful friend will end up in a ditch where they would be envious of you. You just never know. We're all ultimately uselessly alive, we just pick what to fill our time with as we're wasting it. So what if others picked something else?

I'm not sure if it's even possible to 'start over', I'm almost 25 without any formal job history and university degree. It's hard to rely on anyone and i barely knew anyone.

Of course it's possible. In 2020 I was 28. No degree, no formal job history, one non-cashier-type job I worked my entire adult life that I rage-quit amidst the worst of the pandemic, the only social connection I had was a friend that just recently emigrated and trust me I'm no social butterfly. No special skills or talents either, and on top of that I'm physically disabled. And yet I was able to get an OK job and get promoted twice in one year just by being really stubborn and working more hours than others. 25 is not "too old". 30 is not "too old" either. I am not one of those people that believes you have a realistic chance of becoming successful in your 80s, but unless you want to be a porn star or a professional athlete I'd say the age of "too late to start over" is somewhere up there around 50. You're way too far from that. So you can do it.
Plus it's never too late for the people you're envious of to fuck up their entire lives either, you know.

 

[timf]

Athletes would drive themselves nuts if they all felt like failures because they weren't the world best at their event. This is why they use the term "personal best". This allows for a goal of getting a little bit better for oneself. There might be an application here in that yesterday is only a foundation for a better tomorrow.

Consider the song "Richard Cory" by Simon and Garfunkel

 

[TakeMeBack07]

I don't have a magic recipe that will make these thoughts go away forever tomorrow, but as basic as it sounds I believe the best way to deal with this feeling is just to focus on doing what you want and try not to think about whether you've acheived a lot, whether you're successful etc. Just distract yourself with something when the thoughts get bad. After all, everything is essentially meaningless if you really think about it. It just doesn't matter if others are more or less "well-adjusted". Life is super unpredictable, it can turn upside down any second and your successful friend will end up in a ditch where they would be envious of you. You just never know. We're all ultimately uselessly alive, we just pick what to fill our time with as we're wasting it. So what if others picked something else?

true. think about those businesses which were destroyed by a goddamn pandemic and rioting. how unlucky were the owners, Lmao

 

[Bitterman1996]

Hey, this is a very normal feeling. Lots of people struggle with this. There might be even someone out there envious of yourself.

I don't have a magic recipe that will make these thoughts go away forever tomorrow, but as basic as it sounds I believe the best way to deal with this feeling is just to focus on doing what you want and try not to think about whether you've acheived a lot, whether you're successful etc. Just distract yourself with something when the thoughts get bad. After all, everything is essentially meaningless if you really think about it. It just doesn't matter if others are more or less "well-adjusted". Life is super unpredictable, it can turn upside down any second and your successful friend will end up in a ditch where they would be envious of you. You just never know. We're all ultimately uselessly alive, we just pick what to fill our time with as we're wasting it. So what if others picked something else?

Of course it's possible. In 2020 I was 28. No degree, no formal job history, one non-cashier-type job I worked my entire adult life that I rage-quit amidst the worst of the pandemic, the only social connection I had was a friend that just recently emigrated and trust me I'm no social butterfly. No special skills or talents either, and on top of that I'm physically disabled. And yet I was able to get an OK job and get promoted twice in one year just by being really stubborn and working more hours than others. 25 is not "too old". 30 is not "too old" either. I am not one of those people that believes you have a realistic chance of becoming successful in your 80s, but unless you want to be a porn star or a professional athlete I'd say the age of "too late to start over" is somewhere up there around 50. You're way too far from that. So you can do it.
Plus it's never too late for the people you're envious of to fuck up their entire lives either, you know.

Thank you for the reply i read it few days ago but was still feeling too overwhelmed to reply.

Right now simply didn't know where to start, i distract myself with games sometimes but that's just wasting away life the same. Being alive feels like massive drag, not to mention when people are depressed it's hard to take care of yourself. Every simple task just to keep basic hygiene drives me nuts lately.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience though regardless, thank you for hearing me out

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Thank you for the reply i read it few days ago but was still feeling too overwhelmed to reply.

That's okay, that is not necessary.

Right now simply didn't know where to start, i distract myself with games sometimes but that's just wasting away life the same. Being alive feels like massive drag, not to mention when people are depressed it's hard to take care of yourself. Every simple task just to keep basic hygiene drives me nuts lately.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you. Being depressed is a truly soul crushing experience.
You say that games feel like "wasting life away" - but are there any activities you can think of that wouldn't feel like that to you?

 

[lifehurtsuk]

Venting.

How do you deal with them? The more I see someone especially my age who has done a lot of things, i feel envious. Maybe it's vain, but I really am struggling right now so when I connected with people online and learn how much better are their position in life compared to me i can't help but to be envious. I think it's mainly because i tied my self worth to my grades before, but studying to appease my parents doesn't work anymore in the university so i ended up dropping out. A lot of people i meet online are relatively well-adjusted, they're relatively normal that it's hard to talk to them after a while. I get that there's high functioning depressed people, but in comparison im just ashamed to be uselessly alive. Then i start to avoid them. Then I'll get lonely all over again..

I'm not sure if it's even possible to 'start over', I'm almost 25 without any formal job history and university degree. It's hard to rely on anyone and i barely knew anyone. Meeting therapist just sounds like I'll compulsively lie and pretend I'll immediately getting better when that's not the case. I feel clueless, im tired. I want to die but I'm a coward. I feel retarded it feels it's too late now.

I get that comparing yourself to someone else is dumb, but it's always been this way. Even my siblings are much more preferable than me. If I'm never going to be good enough, why even staying alive.,

Crazy that this sounds just like me. A few years ago feelings of inadequacy and jealously just took over every fibre of my being. It's not even me but I have no choice but to wear it. Everyone else is normal but me.

 

[Bitterman1996]

That's okay, that is not necessary.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you. Being depressed is a truly soul crushing experience.
You say that games feel like "wasting life away" - but are there any activities you can think of that wouldn't feel like that to you?

I guess drawing and writing. I'm mediocre at both though, it's also hard when i share them online even if people say they like it, i feel they're just being nice.

I dont have that much practical skills, i dont feel drive to chase jobs for money either (or rather i should explain that a lot of jobs in my area pays poverty wages, even with a degree). I think I'll try to get into university next year but if that fails i dont know anymore. I don't—cant really talk with family either ever since i dropped out of first university course, all i could think is how much they are disappointed in me, even if they don't say it, it's the truth. I feel bitter and guilty at them.

Crazy that this sounds just like me. A few years ago feelings of inadequacy and jealously just took over every fibre of my being. It's not even me but I have no choice but to wear it. Everyone else is normal but me.

I'm sure it's common, though being depressed naturally in my case i became more isolated. So when I connected with someone online and learnt about them more, learned how 'normal' they are i immediately judged myself as less. I know it doesn't make sense yet it persists.

Then back to isolating myself again because it's uncomfortable talking to them.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I guess drawing and writing. I'm mediocre at both though, it's also hard when i share them online even if people say they like it, i feel they're just being nice.

Would you feel fullfilled while you draw or write only if you believe you're really good at it? Do you think you coulf enjoy these activities just under the premise that the more you do it the better you get?

 

[Bitterman1996]

Would you feel fullfilled while you draw or write only if you believe you're really good at it? Do you think you coulf enjoy these activities just under the premise that the more you do it the better you get?

Yes, and to a degree yes, I'm simply anxious because "making it" a viable source of income is hard. I feel like I won't be able to be good enough or consistent enough, it's an option to let it go all together but it made me emptier.

Outside of it, it's hard to get out of the bed lately. I thought i was getting better but nope.