Help inconsistent help, adulthood, and my mom

[honeyed_achelois]

i still live at home with my family and am currently taking a year from school. i was hoping in this time i would learn coping skills and slowly start to be able to function so i could go back to school. i have adhd and depression so school has always been a challenge. however, it has been months and i haven't gotten anywhere. i spend my days going to work and then coming home and rotting away in my bed on my phone. i never have any energy and even when i do i have no motivation to do anything productive.

my mom has said she wants to help and offered to, but anytime i ask for help and she does start to, it stops after a few days or weeks. this has been happening my whole life. she will make a plan with me to help with homework, working out, eating better, etc. but always seems to forget or stop caring. i have mostly stopped asking her for help because of this. i know she loves me and wants me to get better, but she cares more about her own comfort to truly help me in the long run.

as an adult she now expects me to be mostly independent (besides living at home obviously) but never taught me basic skills like making appointments, how to drive, how to clean, how to study, cooking, and even things like how to do my own hair.

i feel like a child trapped in an adult body and i don't know what to do or who to ask for help. i want to learn to be a real person but have no idea where to start. i currently have a part time job, but no license. are there any resources or tips that you have? anyone else with similar parents and how to deal?

 

[jodes2]

When I have questions now I often just go to chatGPT, it's pretty good especially if you ask follow up questions. It knows a lot. Though sometimes you need pictures for things, Google is a good starting point. If I need the human touch I ask on Reddit. Between the 3 I seem to have most bases covered. I'm sorry your mum hasnt been able to help you much. My parents haven't been great either. They try but it just never works out

 

[Remeer]

Hello, I suppose that all of us who were overprotected have similar problems regarding the development of certain skills, calm down, the good thing is that you are working and the mere fact of interacting with other people will allow you to see things in a different way
resources? Well, develop yourself what you think is missing, you can acquire social skills at work, you can help at home to prepare the food, cooperating in the preparation and whatever is needed, cleaning the same, the vehicle is not that complex to tell the truth, if you have a vehicle at home you can ask them to teach you the basics plus inform yourself or take a course (which is what I did)
basically you can learn all that, just don't put so much pressure on yourself, they are things that are learned over time, later you will discover that people older than you do not know how to do certain things that you do, is that bad? Well, no, and there's a reason.
greetings

 

[Siderly]

Don't be too hard on yourself honeyed_achelois. Be observant wherever you are, and get good quality sleep - it will all sink in. It's really good if you have other places to go other than your room but I understand that is not always possible. Your mother should've realised parenting is for life and baby years are the easiest. I hope you get the support you need

 

[rue]

our situations are almost identical. the adhd, the depression, the childlike feeling, gap years, no life skills. so, what i'm saying is.. you can message me if you want. or i guess i can. maybe we'll bounce some ideas of each other, idk. i've been on this gap "year" for 3 years and at first felt similarly to you, i thought i would be helped by my family in all sorts of ways, but it never happened. instead i became disillusioned with many of my close relationships. the one with my mom went first… it took me waaay to long to realise that i should be the one to help myself. this realisation came to me relatively recently. you know, learned helplessness or whatever. it's sad but she's closed that chapter on you. she's not gonna do anything, your mom considers her job of raising you done. and now expects you to be an adult. i know it's hard and painful.. but you can do this, you can give yourself the necessary life skills that she didnt. you are more capable than you realise, the childlike feeling is just a feeling. it's not really true. life skills are really just a combination of theoretical knowledge and practical experience. all the information is at your fingertips, these days. on the internet. or you can gauge the info from your friends/acquaintances, & so on. i find that's all there is left to do, then go ahead and apply it. that's the scary part, i know better than anyone. but this is necessary, i would say obligatory if you want anything to change. build on that experience, strengthen it like a muscle. i can def say this works bcus i taught myself some things this way. like: many aspects of cleaning, using public transport, etc. as for adhd i try to build accommodations for myself (find through trial and error+research & introspection the unique ways i can help my specific case of adhd. cus adhd tips might be helpful to one person with adhd but unhelpful to another). too much to get into. it'd be better if u messaged me. after some life time pondering over this topic of both overprotective and neglectful parenting and what kind of children it raises. i came to realise what we truly lack is autonomy and independence. so to remedy this you have to make your own choices (autonomy) and carry them out on your own (independence). then you'll feel like an adult at last. hope i was helpful.

 

[Dinistro]

I'm in a similar place rn, but still improved a bit this year...
I have lived at my parents house for 18 years and never thought about getting any experience I could actually use, I even struggled with buying food at stores. It all resulted in me feeling worse than those who knew those skills and overall led to "The need" to experience everything I possibly can to feel smart enough not to know less than others.