FinalDestiny
God’s in his heaven. All’s right with the world.
- May 30, 2022
- 23
just venting I guess
Nobody wants to truly listen to me
Everyone has their own agenda.
It's tough. Particularly for me.
My life has been plagued with people who didn't care.
I'm suffering the consequences of someone else's decisions for my upbringing.
I'm alone, in a country that calls me useless.
I'm unable to move toward anything tangible.
Other than death.
And that's where I'm at again. Wishing I could die. To escape the struggle, the pain. The constant anxiety and fear.
I can barely sleep, and when I wake up from passing out from exhaustion, my first thought is about how painful life is.
Alone, no friends. And finding out that my family is even more shameless that I realized.
It's my fault though. I threw away the only person who cared about me. I took her for granted. A lesson I needed to learn anyway.
But damn, it's really feeling like I'll never find it again.
I really want to cut myself again. I wish I had the courage. For some reason the relief after the burn of alcohol is the only thing I can think of to make me really feel anything.
I feel pathetic that I'm so desperate to feel ANYTHING that I'm considering cutting myself again.
But I feel pathetic anyway so why not just fucking do it right?
Wish I was dead. Sincerely. Genuinely.
But then the moment I feel sick I panic because "I don't want to die yet"
What the fuck is wrong with me. I'm useless, pathetic and I'm not worth the breath I am breathing.
Glad to know that the people in my life only care about the money I can give them. I guess that was eye opening to find out today.
I'll stick to the shallow conversations or maybe even none. It's better than finding out the truth I guess. For now anyway.
Nobody wants to truly listen to me
Everyone has their own agenda.
It's tough. Particularly for me.
My life has been plagued with people who didn't care.
I'm suffering the consequences of someone else's decisions for my upbringing.
I'm alone, in a country that calls me useless.
I'm unable to move toward anything tangible.
Other than death.
And that's where I'm at again. Wishing I could die. To escape the struggle, the pain. The constant anxiety and fear.
I can barely sleep, and when I wake up from passing out from exhaustion, my first thought is about how painful life is.
Alone, no friends. And finding out that my family is even more shameless that I realized.
It's my fault though. I threw away the only person who cared about me. I took her for granted. A lesson I needed to learn anyway.
But damn, it's really feeling like I'll never find it again.
I really want to cut myself again. I wish I had the courage. For some reason the relief after the burn of alcohol is the only thing I can think of to make me really feel anything.
I feel pathetic that I'm so desperate to feel ANYTHING that I'm considering cutting myself again.
But I feel pathetic anyway so why not just fucking do it right?
Wish I was dead. Sincerely. Genuinely.
But then the moment I feel sick I panic because "I don't want to die yet"
What the fuck is wrong with me. I'm useless, pathetic and I'm not worth the breath I am breathing.
Glad to know that the people in my life only care about the money I can give them. I guess that was eye opening to find out today.
I'll stick to the shallow conversations or maybe even none. It's better than finding out the truth I guess. For now anyway.
