Venting inceldom

[clavicle]

I'm an incel because I have autism, horrible communication skills, don't go outside for anything besides school, even then I never show up and was below average for the majority of my life. But 3~4 years ago I started wondering why I had never had friends and why people never talked to me. Then I discovered .org and lurked for a long time. (All the while & still receiving dental work, which is helping immensely.) ive only recently reached low htn (barely), all for the sake of socializing with others because I thought that people didn't care how weird you are if you look good. I've seen examples of this in real life so i thought it would work for me. I even switched to a new school and unfortunately it had the opposite effect. I still don't know how to socialize AND NO ONE TALKS TO ME. Instead these random people I've never spoken a word to and I can't begin to express my anger for started spreading rumors that im some kind of whore and "move on fast"? One time I sat next to a girls boyfriend (class was full. not on purpose.) and she immediately got up and told him to switch seats with her. Ive never been asked for my socials until last year at my new school and both times I "scared" the guy away. Not even by being overly "weird" it's just like they can sense my autism and years of isolation. Nothing of interest happened with the first guy who asked because he tried talking to me the next day in school and I couldn't make even make eye contact and I felt so overwhelmed and nervous I just went silent after we talked about Elden ring for like 2 minutes and Shocker!!!!!, when I got home I was blocked. 2 hours into texting the second guy who asked for my instagram he said "Have you ever talked to a guy or had a boyfriend before?. If not it's ok". I just replied "am I that awkward?." He said yes and later told me something along the lines of: "there's no point in talking to you because we clearly don't get along and there's no point in wasting each others time." I never argued with him or said anything remotely nasty so it just goes to show how much nts hate talking to nds and I fucking hate this. I feel as if im going to die khhv and spent years trying to look better for absolutely nothing this shit is useless if you're not neurotypical.

 

[StupidCat]

I'm kinda confused. Are you a boy? What does khhv mean? What do you mean by .org? What's htn?
I'm fairly autistic myself but I practice masking. It helps in social situations but it's exhausting so I only do it when I have to.
Also, the word incel has such a bad rep nowadays, people use it as an insult and as a label for people they don't like. I still don't know why, I don't keep up with much of the internet nowadays, it just seems unfair for actual incels, they have it bad but they make it worse for them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Take this with a pinch of salt because, I'm no expert on relationships. I'm 45, female and have never had a partner. I had a number of crazy, limerent crushes on guys though. I likely would have identified as a femcel (female version of an incel) also because I neither had the looks or typical feminine girlyness or seductiveness I also thought was likely necessary to attract someone. I was/ am also very socially awkward.

All I would say though is all relationships- friendships and romantic relationships take a lot of effort. Just because a handful of people seemed to reject your approach, it doesn't mean that all will. I found that I tended to be attracted to people that I wouldn't have a chance with so- that was a problem. I aso realised that I didn't want to rely on friends, only for them to let me down- which happened enough to put me off.

I think it's entirely possible for people to build friendships/ relationships but, I think it does almost take a lot of experimenting with different crowds/ types of people. I found my closest friendships were built with other creative people. That shared interest just made those friendships special. There are plenty of people I've liked in life but still felt like we wouldn't exactly click. I think it's actually quite rare to find people we feel real simpatico with.

I have read before that people with autism especially struggle. I suppose, if this is something you really want, you could look to see if there is support out there. I've literally looked at YouTube videos in the past in the hopes that videos on social anxety would help me to cope better. I hope you do meet people you connect with soon.

 

[ClownWorld2023]

Then I discovered .org and lurked for a long time. (All the while & still receiving dental work, which is helping immensely.)

I assume you're a woman?

In that case you should not use the incel website/forum, because it's for men only.
(Actually you shouldn't use that forum at all if you'd ask me.)


There's a forum for women, but it's an imageboard.

crystal.cafe

An anonymous message board for girls and women.

crystal.cafe

 

[divinemistress36]

Take this with a pinch of salt because, I'm no expert on relationships. I'm 45, female and have never had a partner. I had a number of crazy, limerent crushes on guys though. I likely would have identified as a femcel (female version of an incel) also because I neither had the looks or typical feminine girlyness or seductiveness I also thought was likely necessary to attract someone. I was/ am also very socially awkward.

All I would say though is all relationships- friendships and romantic relationships take a lot of effort. Just because a handful of people seemed to reject your approach, it doesn't mean that all will. I found that I tended to be attracted to people that I wouldn't have a chance with so- that was a problem. I aso realised that I didn't want to rely on friends, only for them to let me down- which happened enough to put me off.

I think it's entirely possible for people to build friendships/ relationships but, I think it does almost take a lot of experimenting with different crowds/ types of people. I found my closest friendships were built with other creative people. That shared interest just made those friendships special. There are plenty of people I've liked in life but still felt like we wouldn't exactly click. I think it's actually quite rare to find people we feel real simpatico with.

I have read before that people with autism especially struggle. I suppose, if this is something you really want, you could look to see if there is support out there. I've literally looked at YouTube videos in the past in the hopes that videos on social anxety would help me to cope better. I hope you do meet people you connect with soon.

I agree. Most relationships romantic and friendships are a lot of work and most the time are temporary. But we are social creatures so we still crave them. One advantage of getting older if you care less about relationships . Im assuming op in their 20s which is an important time for social times

 

[Forever Sleep]

I agree. Most relationships romantic and friendships are a lot of work and most the time are temporary. But we are social creatures so we still crave them. One advantage of getting older if you care less about relationships . Im assuming op in their 20s which is an important time for social times

I think you're right. My desire for relationships, even friendships were more intense in my 20's. I wonder if some of us are more natural 'loners' than others too. (If that's possible.) I suppose we're not naturally a solitary species though.

 

[Dejected 55]

The world is not constructed for us to live alone. Even if you truly don't want to be with anyone, so many things are impossible to do or get if you don't have someone. Jobs, daily errands, all of these require people to like you to some degree in order to maintain. You really can't truly be a hermit in the modern age and survive unless you become independently wealthy for life and even then some modicum of interaction is going to be required every now and then.

I've never had any luck getting actual friends who weren't just using me for what they needed... never had a romantic relationship at all. I don't even blame women for rejecting me. None of them owes me anything. I just became despondent because it seemed like one woman somewhere ought to be interested in me, yet no one ever was. Failure and rejection isn't the end of the world... but always failing and always being rejected, that kind of is. Over the last year I experienced the worst I've ever had, and I have finally decided I want to give up on everything now. It's the only thing I can do.

I've always been willing to put the work into a relationship or a friendship, I've always given way more than others ever have... and I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm shattered into too many pieces to be counted and I'm never going to be reassembled again.

 

[clavicle]

I'm kinda confused. Are you a boy? What does khhv mean? What do you mean by .org? What's htn?
I'm fairly autistic myself but I practice masking. It helps in social situations but it's exhausting so I only do it when I have to.
Also, the word incel has such a bad rep nowadays, people use it as an insult and as a label for people they don't like. I still don't know why, I don't keep up with much of the internet nowadays, it just seems unfair for actual incels, they have it bad but they make it worse for them.

I'm a girl, khhv stands for kissless, hugless, handholdless virgin. .org is a looksmaxxing forum, and htn stands for "high tier normie", in terms of looks. I agree that it has a bad rep but they kind of deserve it most of them r just assholes

The world is not constructed for us to live alone. Even if you truly don't want to be with anyone, so many things are impossible to do or get if you don't have someone. Jobs, daily errands, all of these require people to like you to some degree in order to maintain. You really can't truly be a hermit in the modern age and survive unless you become independently wealthy for life and even then some modicum of interaction is going to be required every now and then.

I've never had any luck getting actual friends who weren't just using me for what they needed... never had a romantic relationship at all. I don't even blame women for rejecting me. None of them owes me anything. I just became despondent because it seemed like one woman somewhere ought to be interested in me, yet no one ever was. Failure and rejection isn't the end of the world... but always failing and always being rejected, that kind of is. Over the last year I experienced the worst I've ever had, and I have finally decided I want to give up on everything now. It's the only thing I can do.

I've always been willing to put the work into a relationship or a friendship, I've always given way more than others ever have... and I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm shattered into too many pieces to be counted and I'm never going to be reassembled again.

not to be cruel but im glad I haven't gotten to this point yet. Part of the reason im scared to even try is because im scared I'll end up like this. All I can recommend is taking a different view to rejection instead of sadness

 

[clavicle]

I assume you're a woman?

In that case you should not use the incel website/forum, because it's for men only.
(Actually you shouldn't use that forum at all if you'd ask me.)


There's a forum for women, but it's an imageboard.

crystal.cafe

An anonymous message board for girls and women.

crystal.cafe

lol I got banned from .is & im not particularly interested in crystal cafe tbh. I appreciate it though

I agree. Most relationships romantic and friendships are a lot of work and most the time are temporary. But we are social creatures so we still crave them. One advantage of getting older if you care less about relationships . Im assuming op in their 20s which is an important time for social times

not quite there yet but i still think it's important. I don't wanna reach my 20s and only barely be making friends

 

[Dejected 55]

not to be cruel but im glad I haven't gotten to this point yet. Part of the reason im scared to even try is because im scared I'll end up like this. All I can recommend is taking a different view to rejection instead of sadness

Any single rejection, once sufficient time passes, is usually not that bad. But over a lifetime of nothing but rejection, it adds up. And my recent experience that I'm not going into details, that one broke me completely. There's no point in anything anymore. I hope no one gets to the point I am, it is horrible.

 

[StupidCat]

I'm a girl, khhv stands for kissless, hugless, handholdless virgin. .org is a looksmaxxing forum, and htn stands for "high tier normie", in terms of looks. I agree that it has a bad rep but they kind of deserve it most of them r just assholes

Heh. I guess I'm a kv? I hugged and handholded some people.
And yeah I suppose, most incels are ass holes I only lurked the mbti threads in /r9k/, but the whole board was a shitshow.

Also, have you tried being the one that initiates conversations and follows through and perseveres? Since you are girl you won't seem as creepy maybe just a little pushy.

 

[clavicle]

Heh. I guess I'm a kv? I hugged and handholded some people.
And yeah I suppose, most incels are ass holes I only lurked the mbti threads in /r9k/, but the whole board was a shitshow.

Also, have you tried being the one that initiates conversations and follows through and perseveres? Since you are girl you won't seem as creepy maybe just a little pushy.

/r9k/ was awesome. But no I haven't and dont think I can. I don't even know how to go about that stuff and would just end up embarrassing myself

 

[Dejected 55]

I don't understand the incels I've seen. It's one thing to be involuntarily celibate, which I've been most of my life... unable to have sex or intimacy but not because I don't want it and haven't tried to form romantic relationships with women. But to turn that involuntary celibacy into hatred and anger for women that haven't done anything at all to you. I don't get it. I don't even hate a couple of women who specifically were teasing and using me for their validation without any intent of actually returning my affection. I don't like them... but I don't hate or wish harm to them just because we didn't have the kind of relationship I wanted from them.

I think like a lot of things, the organized incel community has given the concept of the situation a bad name. There are legitimate men and women out there frustrated to be alone and unloved and without opportunity to explore sex and love with someone else... and most of those people don't sit around hating on the objects of their affection for not being with them. They, like me, are just sad and depressed at not being able to connect with anyone special in their lives.

 

[clavicle]

I don't understand the incels I've seen. It's one thing to be involuntarily celibate, which I've been most of my life... unable to have sex or intimacy but not because I don't want it and haven't tried to form romantic relationships with women. But to turn that involuntary celibacy into hatred and anger for women that haven't done anything at all to you. I don't get it. I don't even hate a couple of women who specifically were teasing and using me for their validation without any intent of actually returning my affection. I don't like them... but I don't hate or wish harm to them just because we didn't have the kind of relationship I wanted from them.

I think like a lot of things, the organized incel community has given the concept of the situation a bad name. There are legitimate men and women out there frustrated to be alone and unloved and without opportunity to explore sex and love with someone else... and most of those people don't sit around hating on the objects of their affection for not being with them. They, like me, are just sad and depressed at not being able to connect with anyone special in their lives.

I agree with like 40 percent of this but your view is cucked and delusional. It's kind of hard not to feel a kind of anger towards people who have 20+ bodies and ex boyfriends/girlfriends and won't give you the time of day for whatever reason. I can't just feel sad and depressed towards them I feel disgusted. Why should I have to work so hard just to get someone to date me when they're out there having sex and dating literally whoever? I also believe in having 1 person for the rest of my life so I won't waste it on someone who isn't like myself

 

[meloncholia]

I'm sorry, that situation just sucks. idk how old you are, but I was a bit of a late bloomer to dating and stuff cause years of being a lonely weirdo 4channer lurker put people off due to my lack of experience in socializing. Ik the advice is unsolicited as well, but also be careful being taken advantage of. There's lots of horrible pos that feed off of lonely people and spit them out; manipulators, gaslighters, abusers, etc.

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

there's plenty of women with autism too, wouldn't they be an option(s)?
and don't let your autism automatically be a block for that, bro...
if ever, then just start out with some prostitutes and build your experience up.
practice on them.
be sure to be responsible tho... always stay protected and all that.

i dont know what type of autism you have, there's many kinds.
or you could start going to massage places, get some experience with women that way :)

rome wasn't built in a day

edit: oh you're a girl?
well... i'm sure there's plenty of potential guys out there, interested in you. just look around

 

[clavicle]

I'm sorry, that situation just sucks. idk how old you are, but I was a bit of a late bloomer to dating and stuff cause years of being a lonely weirdo 4channer lurker put people off due to my lack of experience in socializing. Ik the advice is unsolicited as well, but also be careful being taken advantage of. There's lots of horrible pos that feed off of lonely people and spit them out; manipulators, gaslighters, abusers, etc.

I appreciate this thanks

there's plenty of women with autism too, wouldn't they be an option(s)?
and don't let your autism automatically be a block for that, bro...
if ever, then just start out with some prostitutes and build your experience up.
practice on them.
be sure to be responsible tho... always stay protected and all that.

i dont know what type of autism you have, there's many kinds.
or you could start going to massage places, get some experience with women that way :)

rome wasn't built in a day

edit: oh you're a girl?
well... i'm sure there's plenty of potential guys out there, interested in you. just look around

i mentioned in my post that 2 guys were interested in me but my social skills are just so shit I scared them off

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

i mentioned in my post that 2 guys were interested in me but my social skills are just so shit I scared them off

practice practice :)
i have social anxiety so my social skills aren't the best either, but that mainly goes for when i'm around a lot of people at once...
if i'm alone with someone, it's fine, sometimes even great.
depends on my mood

 

[bankai]

Quite interesting. I think you have quite a bit to offer anyone as a friend or a mate OP.I think you are knowledgeable and have a good sense of humor as well. Qualities that I find lacking in quite a few women.

 

[clavicle]

practice practice :)
i have social anxiety so my social skills aren't the best either, but that mainly goes for when i'm around a lot of people at once...
if i'm alone with someone, it's fine, sometimes even great.
depends on my mood

how am I supposed to get practice in real life with no friends?

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

how am I supposed to get practice in real life with no friends?

tinder dates, or whatever dating site

 

[clavicle]

Quite interesting. I think you have quite a bit to offer anyone as a friend or a mate OP.I think you are knowledgeable and have a good sense of humor as well. Qualities that I find lacking in quite a few women.

that's kind. thank you

 

[Dejected 55]

tinder dates, or whatever dating site

You're assuming those work. Back in my late 20s, almost 30 years ago, dating sites were in their infancy still and it was possible to find real people on there for at least one date. I didn't get to any second dates, but I was able to sometimes get a first date. Still pretty miserable, but it was technically a "chance."

But these days... dating apps are a scam. You can't do much of anything on them without paying a bunch of money. Only the absolute prettiest people get responses and only if both people are the prettiest people does it go beyond that. Also, lots of fake male and female profiles on there to scam or take advantage of people.

I kept running into "women" who almost immediately wanted to talk about bitcoin and gold investments... on a dating app... it was crazy! I once had two at the same time trying to run their scam so I would go copy/paste from one to the other and let them essentially scam each other. One time I pre-empted their scam by immediately going in on them with crypto and gold conversation, which seemed to delight them immensely!

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

You're assuming those work. Back in my late 20s, almost 30 years ago, dating sites were in their infancy still and it was possible to find real people on there for at least one date. I didn't get to any second dates, but I was able to sometimes get a first date. Still pretty miserable, but it was technically a "chance."

But these days... dating apps are a scam. You can't do much of anything on them without paying a bunch of money. Only the absolute prettiest people get responses and only if both people are the prettiest people does it go beyond that. Also, lots of fake male and female profiles on there to scam or take advantage of people.

I kept running into "women" who almost immediately wanted to talk about bitcoin and gold investments... on a dating app... it was crazy! I once had two at the same time trying to run their scam so I would go copy/paste from one to the other and let them essentially scam each other. One time I pre-empted their scam by immediately going in on them with crypto and gold conversation, which seemed to delight them immensely!

well, they work perfectly for me, i'm just trying to help.
if i was on let's say 20 dating apps in my life, only one of them have been a scam.
idk what country you're in tho...

 

[Dejected 55]

well, they work perfectly for me, i'm just trying to help.
if i was on let's say 20 dating apps in my life, only one of them have been a scam.
idk what country you're in tho...

I'm in the USA... and I'm not exaggerating. You don't even know if you get matches or have the ability to match with someone unless you pay to subscribe... and then most of the accounts who do respond are scams. It's just not worth it. I hope they work better in other countries.