Venting Inability to Work

[glittergore]

One of the most consistent triggers for intense suicidal ideation I have is working.The last three times I attempted to hold down part-time jobs, I ended up in the psych ward after a couple of months. You may notice I said "part-time"; with the near-completion of my Master's degree, I'm going to be expected to start pursuing and holding down full-time work very, very soon. My parents - who are currently financially supporting me - are eager to no longer be doing so, saying that they can't handle it anymore. I understand that, but they're also spouting some rhetoric about how, "Full-time work will be good for you" and, "You'll find it so fulfilling." This boggles the mind considering my history, considering that the things that cause me significant anguish and impairment during part-time work - having to interact with people, having to be "on" for an extended period of time, having to be exposed to a constant barrage of anxiety and paranoia triggers, not being able to concentrate or act professionally/normally due to my mood and my OCD - will just be amplified during full-time work.

I'm sure some of you will mention trying to get disability, but I don't know how I'm going to support myself during the interim period, and I definitely don't know what I'll do if I don't get it after repeated tries. My parents have mentioned disability in passing and have alluded to helping me get it, but when I brought it up a couple of days ago, I was not met with a receptive response. They so desperately want me to be a fully functioning member of society, which I get, but at the same time I have such a long and arduous mental health history that I wish they'd just acknowledge and understand may cause some debilitating issues for me in the future. At the least, I wish they'd make it easier for me to talk to them about it, rather than saying things like, "You don't want that." and, "That's the last case scenario."

Anyway, I've been doing better lately, but this has been looming over me a long time and is finally descending, like a tar curtain. I'm not going to be able to handle full-time work, I know I won't. It's merely a matter as to whether or not the result will be me committing suicide or my parents helping me get disability. There's really no other options.

 

[airboy_a380]

I feel you, I worked 10 years full time, until one day I could no more. Anxiety was getting out of control and i couldnt face people or commuting, that was even worse than work for me. i dunno if I'm ever going to have the strength to do so anymore.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

On the other hand it could act as immersion therapy and be good for you in the long run. Not saying it will though, ofc only you know your own potential and limitations.
If you are in the UK I can give you links to guides to help with the benefits system, so you can answer their questions honestly, but to give you the best chance of getting disability.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

What country are you from? I would comment about disability but it's a waste if you're not in the US.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I have a similar issue with college work. I tried to get actual jobs and couldn't hold them, and now even education is too much for me. It' very depressing being defeated by simple tasks over and over.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

I was a young person once and thought I was cool(might not of been ;) did some shity job and got mobbed by old men and was never the same again, never got on with anyone again, nearly 15 years ago, totally bizarre! I have to admit it myself.

 

[valentine]

I'm in the same position. I honestly don't think I can handle working. I don't think you have to work to be a functioning member of society, have you ever thought about volunteering? That's been somewhat fulfilling for me in the past.

 

[glittergore]

What country are you from? I would comment about disability but it's a waste if you're not in the US.

I am in the US.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I am in the US.

Just so you know what you're facing if you decide to go for disability. You'll apply for both SSI and SSDI, but you won't qualify for SSDI because you haven't worked and therefore haven't put any money into it. You'll qualify for SSI, which a couple of years ago was $700 a month, it may have gone up a little. When you apply, you will almost definitely get turned down the first time. I recommend when you fill out the paperwork to add an addendum. Most of the questions are formulaic and apply to physical disability. What I did was to write an addendum explaining how my conditions affected my life, which was not necessarily daily but was chronic, things like what it was like to take public transportation, how it felt to be at work and what was triggering about it, etc. I got approved the second time, and I didn't need an attorney to help me because I did that addendum. They pay will backdate to the date you were disabled and couldn't work, at least that's what I recall but you'll have to do your research on that.

You can go to whatever kind of office your state has that does food cards, in my state they had a social worker who helped me with the process. You can go ahead and apply for food benefits and cash assistance to get in the system and start any processes to get you financial support. You may also qualify for Medicaid, which is way better than Medicare, you should have little to no out of pocket expenses for medical care, but you'll be limited to practitioners that accept Medicaid. You would also qualify for community mental health services, but I have both worked in community mental health and been a consumer, and I don't have much good to say about them. There can be good practitioners, but they are dictated to by their funders, such as Medicaid and Medicare. It's very much like the NHS services that UK members complain about.

With SSDI, I am able to live outside the US and I worked for decades, so I make close to the maximum and can stretch that by living in Latin America. With SSI, you're only allowed to be out of the US a certain number of months at a time. There are ways around that, such as having a US mail service or using someone's address as your residence, it just sucks to have that over one's head that they are committing fraud and if they get caught they can lose their benefits. You will also qualify for low income housing, but those places can be awful, and the waiting lists are usually long, so you might consider paying your mom rent or renting a room from someone.

You were considering how to support yourself while applying for disability and that's a huge challenge. You can't earn an income while waiting for approval, otherwise you're not disabled from working. There are options such as transitional housing. I did that. I had a room and the kitchen and bathrooms were shared. I got something like $150 from the state per month for up to two years while going through the SSDI application process, and the transitional housing cost $125 a month, so I used my food benefit wisely, had a free public transportation benefit, a small cash benefit of something like $12 a month, Medicaid, and the rest was for hygiene products. When I was approved for SSDI, the state took out what they'd paid me from the initial backpay payment.

I hope this information helps you. The other thing I would suggest considering is some kind of remote work, often contract or freelance. I don't know what your master's is in or what are your skills. You could also consider getting a PhD and going for research work rather than teaching.

 

[purplesmoothie]

Just so you know what you're facing if you decide to go for disability. You'll apply for both SSI and SSDI, but you won't qualify for SSDI because you haven't worked and therefore haven't put any money into it. You'll qualify for SSI, which a couple of years ago was $700 a month, it may have gone up a little. When you apply, you will almost definitely get turned down the first time. I recommend when you fill out the paperwork to add an addendum. Most of the questions are formulaic and apply to physical disability. What I did was to write an addendum explaining how my conditions affected my life, which was not necessarily daily but was chronic, things like what it was like to take public transportation, how it felt to be at work and what was triggering about it, etc. I got approved the second time, and I didn't need an attorney to help me because I did that addendum. They pay will backdate to the date you were disabled and couldn't work, at least that's what I recall but you'll have to do your research on that.

You can go to whatever kind of office your state has that does food cards, in my state they had a social worker who helped me with the process. You can go ahead and apply for food benefits and cash assistance to get in the system and start any processes to get you financial support. You may also qualify for Medicaid, which is way better than Medicare, you should have little to no out of pocket expenses for medical care, but you'll be limited to practitioners that accept Medicaid. You would also qualify for community mental health services, but I have both worked in community mental health and been a consumer, and I don't have much good to say about them. There can be good practitioners, but they are dictated to by their funders, such as Medicaid and Medicare. It's very much like the NHS services that UK members complain about.

With SSDI, I am able to live outside the US and I worked for decades, so I make close to the maximum and can stretch that by living in Latin America. With SSI, you're only allowed to be out of the US a certain number of months at a time. There are ways around that, such as having a US mail service or using someone's address as your residence, it just sucks to have that over one's head that they are committing fraud and if they get caught they can lose their benefits. You will also qualify for low income housing, but those places can be awful, and the waiting lists are usually long, so you might consider paying your mom rent or renting a room from someone.

You were considering how to support yourself while applying for disability and that's a huge challenge. You can't earn an income while waiting for approval, otherwise you're not disabled from working. There are options such as transitional housing. I did that. I had a room and the kitchen and bathrooms were shared. I got something like $150 from the state per month for up to two years while going through the SSDI application process, and the transitional housing cost $125 a month, so I used my food benefit wisely, had a free public transportation benefit, a small cash benefit of something like $12 a month, Medicaid, and the rest was for hygiene products. When I was approved for SSDI, the state took out what they'd paid me from the initial backpay payment.

I hope this information helps you. The other thing I would suggest considering is some kind of remote work, often contract or freelance. I don't know what your master's is in or what are your skills. You could also consider getting a PhD and going for research work rather than teaching.

Thank you this was very helpful not op but in a similar situation

 

[glittergore]

Just so you know what you're facing if you decide to go for disability. You'll apply for both SSI and SSDI, but you won't qualify for SSDI because you haven't worked and therefore haven't put any money into it. You'll qualify for SSI, which a couple of years ago was $700 a month, it may have gone up a little. When you apply, you will almost definitely get turned down the first time. I recommend when you fill out the paperwork to add an addendum. Most of the questions are formulaic and apply to physical disability. What I did was to write an addendum explaining how my conditions affected my life, which was not necessarily daily but was chronic, things like what it was like to take public transportation, how it felt to be at work and what was triggering about it, etc. I got approved the second time, and I didn't need an attorney to help me because I did that addendum. They pay will backdate to the date you were disabled and couldn't work, at least that's what I recall but you'll have to do your research on that.

You can go to whatever kind of office your state has that does food cards, in my state they had a social worker who helped me with the process. You can go ahead and apply for food benefits and cash assistance to get in the system and start any processes to get you financial support. You may also qualify for Medicaid, which is way better than Medicare, you should have little to no out of pocket expenses for medical care, but you'll be limited to practitioners that accept Medicaid. You would also qualify for community mental health services, but I have both worked in community mental health and been a consumer, and I don't have much good to say about them. There can be good practitioners, but they are dictated to by their funders, such as Medicaid and Medicare. It's very much like the NHS services that UK members complain about.

With SSDI, I am able to live outside the US and I worked for decades, so I make close to the maximum and can stretch that by living in Latin America. With SSI, you're only allowed to be out of the US a certain number of months at a time. There are ways around that, such as having a US mail service or using someone's address as your residence, it just sucks to have that over one's head that they are committing fraud and if they get caught they can lose their benefits. You will also qualify for low income housing, but those places can be awful, and the waiting lists are usually long, so you might consider paying your mom rent or renting a room from someone.

You were considering how to support yourself while applying for disability and that's a huge challenge. You can't earn an income while waiting for approval, otherwise you're not disabled from working. There are options such as transitional housing. I did that. I had a room and the kitchen and bathrooms were shared. I got something like $150 from the state per month for up to two years while going through the SSDI application process, and the transitional housing cost $125 a month, so I used my food benefit wisely, had a free public transportation benefit, a small cash benefit of something like $12 a month, Medicaid, and the rest was for hygiene products. When I was approved for SSDI, the state took out what they'd paid me from the initial backpay payment.

I hope this information helps you. The other thing I would suggest considering is some kind of remote work, often contract or freelance. I don't know what your master's is in or what are your skills. You could also consider getting a PhD and going for research work rather than teaching.

Thank you for the valuable information, I appreciate it. I'll definitely have to do more research into transitional housing. I have considered remote work because I do think it would be easier to manage, but with how specialized my degree is, that would be difficult. Perhaps I'll get lucky and find some sort of online teaching/tutoring job I can manage.