Discussion In your CTB note, which sections or parts would you add/include?

[TAW122]

I made a poll to discuss about which parts, sections, or elements you would include in your CTB note. For me, in addition to my reasoning and notes as well as comforting statements, I've thought about including a section to give gratitude towards the people who have been good to me in my life, helped me (genuinely and not just out of selfish/ulterior interests), and people I hold high regard for. I've also thought about having some confessions just because it feels like as an end to my life, maybe it might give some insight to some people or maybe ease the suffering a bit. Then for those who have been awful, I'd like to get the last laugh too (though that isn't my main focus on my CTB note).

Edit: I am also planning to have a incident log, just mostly for my own record keeping purposes to remember the times where I was hurt, wronged by others, and the times where those incidents contributed towards my wanting to CTB.

Does anyone also feel like including those sections (or other kinds, please specify) in their CTB note in addition to their reasoning and also trying to comfort the people they care about?

 

[NeverHungry]

For me, my CTB note would be credits and thanks only I think. There are so many people for me to thank that have shown me kindness and mercy over the course of my life. I would feel wrong not acknowledging how much they have helped me. I think the remainder of my note would be me trying to explain that this is my decision, to lessen the guilt and pain that loves ones might feel.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

Expression of sorrow for my ctb causing grief, upset, stress, hardship.

For me, anything else feels like the possibility exists that I could be misconstrued or not understood, due to an impaired ability to properly express myself or because the recipient is obtuse or in denial about my experience. And without a proper way to interact dynamically to explain or clarify, I would hate to cause even more grief or upset because of that.

 

[Amossoma543]

I'm almost against a note at all, because in my own head for me, it feels attention seeking. If I do leave any note, it will be to only prevent rumors or people thinking the wrong thing (not that the note would necessarily stop them). I'm not going to write some "Goodbye cruel world" note or some long expression of "how to go on without me" or anything like that...because that feels too much like me sitting around imagining how people are going to react, etc, etc. I just don't like how that feels. My choice is my choice, and aside from perhaps trying to avoid rumors or confusion, I see no other need for a note.

I'm not going to ask for certain songs for a funeral, or certain requests or anything like that. Again, that just feels melodramatic, maudlin, and just feels wrong to me. I'm fairly certain most won't be surprised, rumors and gossip will happen no matter what, and what they choose to do after I'm gone means little to me since I won't be here for any of it anyway.

I do want to send my son an email, but it won't be something he'll find beforehand...and I want it to be private...just so he won't blame himself or think there was anything he did or could do. I know he'll be pissed off at me...I expect that...I'd feel the same. That's on him. Not something I will worry myself over. But there are some things I want him to be sure of. That's between me and him. The death of a parent hurts a person no matter what, but I'm fairly certain this will be less painful in the long term. He won't feel that way, but that's not for me to dictate. He will feel whatever he feels.

 

[Krakenmonster]

I agree wholeheartedly with you. In the past when I thought about committing suicide and whether I should leave a last note for my family and friends, it always seemed so...for the lack of a better word, cringy? Awkward? I'm just absolutely not the type to talk about my feelings (either positive or negative) and problems in real life and oftentimes I just ignore, forget or run away from them. Thus when I kill myself, I will do exactly that - ignore, forget and run away from all my problems once and for all. So yeah, instead of wasting my last couple of minutes of my life before ctb by writing an emotionally stressful and useless last note, I want them to be the most carefree ever and not worry about what will happen in life after my death because I won't be there anymore. But if any one of you reading this wants to write one for whatever reason, go for it, that's your decision just like it is your decision whether you want to live or die.

 

[Amossoma543]

I agree wholeheartedly with you. In the past when I thought about committing suicide and whether I should leave a last note for my family and friends, it always seemed so...for the lack of a better word, cringy? Awkward? I'm just absolutely not the type to talk about my feelings (either positive or negative) and problems in real life and oftentimes I just ignore, forget or run away from them. Thus when I kill myself, I will do exactly that - ignore, forget and run away from all my problems once and for all. So yeah, instead of wasting my last couple of minutes of my life before ctb by writing an emotionally stressful and useless last note, I want them to be the most carefree ever and not worry about what will happen in life after my death because I won't be there anymore. But if any one of you reading this wants to write one for whatever reason, go for it, that's your decision just like it is your decision whether you want to live or die.

Yes, very eloquently stated, IMHO. I do not judge those who do it (not openly anyway haha...just kidding)...and hold no ill will towards note-writers. But, as you said, in my head, they always sound so cringey. Especially if I were to give instructions on how to "go on without me". Oh, brother. The world will certainly go on just fine without me, as it has for the billions of years before it birthed me. I do think that maybe a brief note might give some relief...in the order of just letting them know it wasn't them or wasn't something they said...but I have pretty fair confidence that those who love me already know this. So a note would be superfluous.

Even though I do not care much about what happens after I'm gone, I will say that leaving a list of people who have wronged me would be sinister. I'm talking about if I did it (again, no judgment for others who might feel the need to do this). The reason is...how would I feel if someone committed suicide and then blamed me (entirely or even partially)?

If I were the sort of person who is so cruel as to drive someone to suicide, perhaps I wouldn't care at all. But worse...what if I had no idea that something I'd said drove someone to despair of living....how awful then would it be for me to find out that not only did I torment someone inadvertently in this way, but now there's also nothing I can do about it. How awful. I wouldn't want to put that on anybody.

Are there people in my life who have harmed me horribly? Yes. Especially as a child. There are people who I feel are actual criminal, and would have been jailed had it been known what they did. But...if I were to name somebody like that, I think that it might give that person more power than the person deserves...and, for me, that would be the wrong reason to take my own life anyway (not that anyone's reason truly needs justification...that's for them to decide. I'm only talking about ME here).

 

[EndItQuickly]

Only thanks and apologies/attempted explanation from me. In many ways, leaving them behind is the ultimate betrayal.

 

[Sha70]

Why write a note?

 

[ladolcemorte]

I fantasize about including a specific section on the manager who was bullying me and the higher ups in the organization who let it happen. This is a large part of my wanting to CTB, so on the one hand I feel it is fair as an explanation. I also hope that maybe having a death on their hands might change the way employees are treated.

On the other hand, this is not the only reason I want to CTB. I have fantasized about CTB since the age of 5. This job fiasco is a mere catalyst. And at the end of the day I doubt my blaming them in my note would do any good. If it even got back to them, I am sure they would dismiss me as the crazy girl and never consider their own behaviour.

But boy do I fantasize about the scathing vitriol that I would leave behind, and how thrilling it would be to (literally) have the final word.

 

[Defenestrator]

I already have a note written that's folded on my bedside table. I've mostly just apologised for the inconvenience my death would cause to those closest to me and have a little addendum at the end stating who I want my possessions etc. to go to. I know it doesn't count as a will but I don't have a great deal anyway and what I do have is for sure going to my mother anyway (which is what I want.)

 

[Amossoma543]

I fantasize about including a specific section on the manager who was bullying me and the higher ups in the organization who let it happen. This is a large part of my wanting to CTB, so on the one hand I feel it is fair as an explanation. I also hope that maybe having a death on their hands might change the way employees are treated.

On the other hand, this is not the only reason I want to CTB. I have fantasized about CTB since the age of 5. This job fiasco is a mere catalyst. And at the end of the day I doubt my blaming them in my note would do any good. If it even got back to them, I am sure they would dismiss me as the crazy girl and never consider their own behaviour.

But boy do I fantasize about the scathing vitriol that I would leave behind, and how thrilling it would be to (literally) have the final word.

In truth, those people would have the final word. They would likely (and secretly) talk about you in very negative terms: "See? He wasn't wrapped too tightly. We knew it." Things like that. Leaving a note like you described would give them ammunition to run you down even more. There just are no Hollywood-film endings like that in real life.

I hold deep hatred in my heart for the person who repeatedly hurt me as a kid...but I will never leave a note so that this person might one day know the power they held over me. You know?

 

[TAW122]

All interesting answers regarding what you wish to include/exclude from notes. For me, I like to look at the CTB note as something to give closure, get my last laugh (while I'm still alive), and then of course solve the puzzle. Then again, afterwards what they do is really irrelevant since I won't be around to be able to experience their reaction/aftermath. As a CTB note is like a final note, I suppose just about everything and anything I could think of goes there, but each person is different and they are all valid reasons to either include/exclude certain pieces of content.

 

[TAW122]

Oh, just thought about another section I could add to my CTB note. It's somewhat obvious and perhaps optional, but it's an interesting section. The section would be pros and cons of post-death (after I CTB - therefore, I'd be writing it BEFORE I CTB).

Some of the pros would include: Not having to pay taxes or bills, not having to wageslave, not living to old age and infirmity, not having the chance to die out of my control (accident, tragedy, natural causes, etc.), no more suffering and dealing with day-to-day bullshit, finality at last. (The last pro being one of the most important ones).

As for the cons, that would include: Losing out the possibility of other "potential" milestones in life, experiencing pleasure (eating, drinking, movies, other games, hobbies, etc.), being able to affect the world in a positive way, things "may" get better (not an guarantee though).

Overall, I'd take death over the fleeting moments of joy and happiness. To me, it's not worth sticking around for things to maybe improve and only for future suffering to occur.