I understand. I have the same social/bothering/I'm an inconvenience anxiety. It's horrible. It's consuming. Is there a way to use the anger you're feeling to push yourself forward?
Whether you ctb or not, it would probably do you a great deal of good to get the answers you seek/stand up for yourself. I know, easier said than done. I, personally, can stand up for others, but when it comes to myself I'm such a pushover.
I hope you're able to get the closure you need and deserve, whether you go through with it or not. ♡