Venting impervious to overdoses

[Walpurgisnacht]

I must have overdosed a dozen or more times; benzos, heroin, other opioids, alcohol, MAOIs like fucking why can't I just fucking die? i just end up with more addictions, more shit ruining my life more health problems and at best i could hope for now is it suppressing SI enough I can get in front of the train in time and stay there.

I once overdosed on 10mg alprazolam, 20mg clonazepam, 100mg diazepam, 1000mg tramadol, ~½ gram of heroin, and 6 bottles of beer within a couple hours and all that happened was i blacked out for a few days. woke up in my bed fine, not even hungover.
is this fucking quantum immortality?? what's the deal? I've known people accidentally OD on less than half of that!
my friend once called me "the Rasputin of ODs" because of how many times i've done this now.

i'm such an abject failure i can't even fucking die right.
i only bought heroin in the first place to ctb with and then i had the most stupid retarded dumb thought "I got nothing to lose, I might as well just try it if I'm gonna die anyway." and the next thing I knew it's been 3 years and i had chronic illnesses and infections and permanent internal damage and nothing left of my savings with my tolerance being so high i could no longer even use it ctb. FUCK.

To anyone without experience of these drugs thinking of using opioids as method: DO NOT "just try it" first. It'll ruin whatever is left of your life and health and make ctb even more difficult.

I fucking wish I had just taken it all at once like I was going to, why was I so stupid?

 

[stoopid]

Instead of random stuff, why not just invest in a heavy dose of fentanyl. That's pretty cheap and works, the drugs in EU aren't laced with fentanyl like in the US but I heard it's super cheap from china.

 

[Darkover]

heroin is a horrible drug i don't see how anyone could get addicted to it, at least when i tried it all it did was make me drift in and out of consciousness and the next day the come down is horrible

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

Instead of random stuff, why not just invest in a heavy dose of fentanyl. That's pretty cheap and works, the drugs in EU aren't laced with fentanyl like in the US but I heard it's super cheap from china.

Is the binding affinity of fentanyl greater than that of buprenorphine? I'm a little hesitant to try any OD-related method, especially opioids, anymore and I wouldn't want to risk it failing again and my treatment being cut off.
fuck it, if they deliver to england i might as well try.

 

[stoopid]

Is the binding affinity of fentanyl greater than that of buprenorphine? I'm a little hesitant to try any OD-related method, especially opioids, anymore and I wouldn't want to risk it failing again and my treatment being cut off.
fuck it, if they deliver to england i might as well try.

Im not sure, but people are dying from heroine laced with fentanyl. Just look up the yearly deaths, maybe 1g of pure stuff is enough. Or maybe take a time off to get low/zero tolerance. I'm not sure myself. This was just a guess from the deaths.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

Im not sure, but people are dying from heroine laced with fentanyl. Just look up the yearly deaths, maybe 1g of pure stuff is enough. Or maybe take a time off to get low/zero tolerance. I'm not sure myself. This was just a guess from the deaths.

Well the thing is buprenorphine (subutex) is a partial agnoist opioid with a very high binding affinity so it stops most other opioids from working at all, and displaces them at the receptor site. It makes my withdrawal not complete torture, but also stops me from having any effect from heroin/morphine anymore.

I don't want to experience full cold-turkey withdrawal again, i lost everything the last time I tried that; and i get monthly depot injections of the stuff so i don't know how long it'd remain in my system before I could expect it to be 100% gone.
I'd have to make myself suffer through full withdrawal for there to even be a chance it works, and I just... i don't want to suffer more, i don't want to risk losing everything except what I actually want to lose (my life.)
I just... don't trust this method anymore i guess.

they are still useful, especially benzos+alcohol, for overcoming SI, but as it's own method I just don't trust it to work after all this.

 

[stoopid]

Where are you located ? It's easier if you live in east eu to get drugs for that choice I guess, I hope you find a solution for that. Or look up the darknet

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

Where are you located ? It's easier if you live in east eu to get drugs for that choice I guess, I hope you find a solution for that. Or look up the darknet

England. Unfortunately fentanyl just isn't a thing here, and pretty much all darknet markets ban the sale of fentanyl specifically, i haven't seen one that doesn't.

i'm not really familiar with how I could order it from China, but if I can it'd be nice to have some around in case, I'm just... not confident.
I don't like how uncertain it is.

I appreciate it though thank you.

 

[ThisIsLife]

England. Unfortunately fentanyl just isn't a thing here, and pretty much all darknet markets ban the sale of fentanyl specifically, i haven't seen one that doesn't.

i'm not really familiar with how I could order it from China, but if I can it'd be nice to have some around in case, I'm just... not confident.
I don't like how uncertain it is.

I appreciate it though thank you.

@Shadowlord900 Maybe you could help lady @Walpurgisnacht

 

[DeeLuvsU]

Honestly I'm in the same boat, OD is and always has been my preferred method but it doesn't seem to work no matter how strong the drug is over the counter or not.
So jealous of people who just accidentally OD when I have invested I would say 1000s into it and still manage to survive. Honestly I don't think the method is worth it, I'm thinking of moving on to just straight poisoning which is basically just overdosing revamped. Maybe that could be something you are interested in as well?
I hope you succeed in whatever you decide though, whether it be your preferred method or continued living.

 

[Shadowlord900]

Let me give you my thoughts on the overdose list you've mentioned.

Heroin is said to be roughly twice as strong as morphine, but believe it or not morphine is actually not that strong of an opioid (as an example fentanyl is said to be up to 150 times stronger than morphine). It's possible that your heroin could have been laced with fentanyl, but if you have already done a lot of opioids beforehand, sadly you may have built up some tolerance.

Despite having a tolerance, it is possible to overcome it, you'll just have to hugely increase how much opioid you take at once. (Ideally I'd prefer if you could just gradually reduce your opioid intake then go cold turkey for at least 3 months but preferably up to 6 months. That would give you better chances at your next opioid overdose.)

To give you an idea of how much opioid one needs to take to CTB, the 5 drug mixture in PPeH contains 15g of Morphine, and that's in combination with other drugs. (The other 4 are not opioids, but it's worth mentioning 1 of them is 5gs of Phenobarbital, a barbiturate.) So I imagine if you wanted to CTB on Morphine alone it would be higher than 15g (perhaps even 25g+).

Tramadol is unfortunately a very weak opioid, only 1/10th the strength of morphine. You also want to be careful and make sure it hasn't been combined with paracetamol (acetaminophen), you do not want to overdose on an painkiller, it's painful.

Benzodiazepines and alcohol can help potentiate opioids, but those will not be the main contributing factor to CTBing. You can't really rely on those 2 to help make up for a low volume or strength of opioids.

Even if people have managed to die from less than that, everyone's body is different. I can't explain how, but I guess some people are just naturally born/built up with a stronger tolerance to opioids compared to others? General health and genetics can also play a huge factor in it.

I know of one place on the dark net that sells something that may be fentanyl that someone else has helped me find. Whether that vendor is a scammer or not I can't say for sure. Admittedly it's something I am interested in taking a risk with ordering myself, but I want to order my isotonitazene first and wait until that arrives before considering ordering that fentanyl, that may take a month or 2. (Isotonitzene is said to be slightly stronger than fentanyl so I do recommend that if you're interested.)

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

Let me give you my thoughts on the overdose list you've mentioned.

Thank you so much for this! It's extremely useful.
Appreciate it

Heroin is said to be roughly twice as strong as morphine, but believe it or not morphine is actually not that strong of an opioid (as an example fentanyl is said to be up to 150 times stronger than morphine). It's possible that your heroin could have been laced with fentanyl, but if you have already done a lot of opioids beforehand, sadly you may have built up some tolerance.

It depends on the route of administration doesn't it? Since it's just a prodrug for morphine that crosses the blood-brain barrier really easily, it's kinda like targeted morphine delivery to the brain, which is where the really fast rush comes from I think, and why it's a waste to swallow the stuff.

Despite having a tolerance, it is possible to overcome it, you'll just have to hugely increase how much opioid you take at once. (Ideally I'd prefer if you could just gradually reduce your opioid intake then go cold turkey for at least 3 months but preferably up to 6 months. That would give you better chances at your next opioid overdose.)

You're right, I just... really don't want to go into withdrawal again. I'd rather di-- oh yeah lol.
It's just torture, weeks or even months of full withdrawal isn't worth it just to get my preferred method to work, I'd rather just choose a different method I'm comfortable with and give up on this one. Had my chance and I blew it.

To give you an idea of how much opioid one needs to take to CTB, the 5 drug mixture in PPeH contains 15g of Morphine, and that's in combination with other drugs. (The other 4 are not opioids, but it's worth mentioning 1 of them is 5gs of Phenobarbital, a barbiturate.) So I imagine if you wanted to CTB on Morphine alone it would be higher than 15g (perhaps even 25g+).

I don't think it's possible for me to use only morphine for it now, I missed that bus unfortunately.

Tramadol is unfortunately a very weak opioid, only 1/10th the strength of morphine. You also want to be careful and make sure it hasn't been combined with paracetamol (acetaminophen), you do not want to overdose on an painkiller, it's painful.

Yeah I took tramadol a lot before I started using heroin, that was the first opioid I started on (not for CTB, just for feeling better.) When I od'd though, I mainly used that to try to get serotonin syndrome due to its SNRI properties along with the antidepressants I had still laying around from years ago, it happened a few times and I was hospitalised with it once. 40C high hyperpyrexia, if they'd left me I don't think I'd have survived that one.
But no one takes my DNR or personal wishes seriously so I was not left despite my protests. They used my delirium at the time as a justification to ignore my demands to be left, on the grounds I wasn't lucid enough to understand what choice I was making or to understand what I was protesting against, super easy to drag someone who can barely move her limbs to an ambulance against her will. It was bullshit, I very much did know what was happening, I am legally allowed to refuse life-sustaining and life-saving medical intervention but in practice I'm forced anyway.

Benzodiazepines and alcohol can help potentiate opioids, but those will not be the main contributing factor to CTBing. You can't really rely on those 2 to help make up for a low volume or strength of opioids.

At that time, my tolerance wasn't so high, I had been using heroin not for very long, and I wasn't addicted to benzos yet. By the time I entered treatment I was using several grams of H a day. So I do have high tolerance now, but I don't think it was all that much at the time.

I know of one place on the dark net that sells something that may be fentanyl that someone else has helped me find. Whether that vendor is a scammer or not I can't say for sure. Admittedly it's something I am interested in taking a risk with ordering myself, but I want to order my isotonitazene first and wait until that arrives before considering ordering that fentanyl, that may take a month or 2. (Isotonitzene is said to be slightly stronger than fentanyl so I do recommend that if you're interested.)

Huh, I'll look into isotonitazene, I didn't know about that one, thanks!
Is this place you mentioned difficult to find?

Thanks again for writing this post up, it was very informative <3

 

[Shadowlord900]

It depends on the route of administration doesn't it? Since it's just a prodrug for morphine that crosses the blood-brain barrier really easily, it's kinda like targeted morphine delivery to the brain, which is where the really fast rush comes from I think, and why it's a waste to swallow the stuff.

Yes, injecting has the most bioavailability, followed by rectal insertion (or at least that can be used to avoid vomiting compared to oral), then oral, then with snorting as the least bioavailability. I dunno how skin absorption would rank. but I imagine trying to absorb enough opioid through your skin wouldn't be an easy task unless if it was carfentanil. (Carfentanil is one of the most powerful opioids, just particles of it in the air can make people fall unconscious, but it's incredibly difficult to get a hold of. It's mainly used for sedating large animals.)

You're right, I just... really don't want to go into withdrawal again. I'd rather di-- oh yeah lol.
It's just torture, weeks or even months of full withdrawal isn't worth it just to get my preferred method to work, I'd rather just choose a different method I'm comfortable with and give up on this one. Had my chance and I blew it.

Barbiturates may still be an option for you.

I don't think it's possible for me to use only morphine for it now, I missed that bus unfortunately.

I wouldn't recommend morphine anyways. Not only is it a fairly weak opioid, it's also insanely expensive compared to other opioids that are stronger.

Yeah I took tramadol a lot before I started using heroin, that was the first opioid I started on (not for CTB, just for feeling better.) When I od'd though, I mainly used that to try to get serotonin syndrome due to its SNRI properties along with the antidepressants I had still laying around from years ago, it happened a few times and I was hospitalised with it once. 40C high hyperpyrexia, if they'd left me I don't think I'd have survived that one.
But no one takes my DNR or personal wishes seriously so I was not left despite my protests. They used my delirium at the time as a justification to ignore my demands to be left, on the grounds I wasn't lucid enough to understand what choice I was making or to understand what I was protesting against, super easy to drag someone who can barely move her limbs to an ambulance against her will. It was bullshit, I very much did know what was happening, I am legally allowed to refuse life-sustaining and life-saving medical intervention but in practice I'm forced anyway.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Yeah I imagine most medics would not respect someone's request for DNR unless if it was written by a doctor, and I think most doctors would not do that for someone that isn't senile. Since Tramadol is a very weak opioid, I wouldn't imagine that would have built up too much tolerance to opioids for you.

At that time, my tolerance wasn't so high, I had been using heroin not for very long, and I wasn't addicted to benzos yet. By the time I entered treatment I was using several grams of H a day. So I do have high tolerance now, but I don't think it was all that much at the time.

While heroin isn't that strong in the grand sea of opioids, going through several grams is a little concerning in regards to your opioid tolerance. If you don't want to go cold turkey on opioids that's fine. You might still be able to reduce your tolerance if you can settle with taking a reduced amount. (I'm unsure about that, admittedly I'm not very knowledgeable on human biology outside of simple stuff.)

Huh, I'll look into isotonitazene, I didn't know about that one, thanks!
Is this place you mentioned difficult to find?

Nope, I found it on tor.taxi. I'll give you a hint to the name of the market, it starts with B.

Thanks again for writing this post up, it was very informative <3

My pleasure! :)