Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
My mother isn't that old and her health was decent a few days ago but now she is in the hospital with poor odds of survival. This all happened just two months prior to my CTB date. It's not that I'm afraid of losing her but I wanted to be the one that died first just to spite her. So she could see the accumulation of her choices and what they have done to me. years before I was even suicidal, I was looking forward to getting on with life and then dumping her in a retirement home when she reached retirement age. It was one of the very few things I was looking forward to but even I was deprived of that. So I thought then at least she would witness my death but NO she dies randomly out of the fucking blue just two months before I do. This is also going to be extra hard for everyone in our family having two deaths so close together. I just can't believe the utter shit luck that I've had. It's like one of those thoughts I have when I think "wouldn't that be crazy if X were to happen...?" and it actually happens. This is not the first one of those I've had either where it turned out like that. Amazing. Just fucking incredible...
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