Celerity
shape without form, shade without colour
- Jan 24, 2021
- 2,733
For the past month after my "friends" abandoned me and my mood took a turn for the worse, I have been plagued by intrusive thoughts to do inappropriate, rude, immoral, or dangerous things.
I think even mentally healthy people contemplate what it would be like to cross the median on the freeway, but it's once in a blue moon. Not every day.
I'm not saying I contemplate exiting via a murder-suicidal car crash every day because I don't, but thoughts like that or the urge to be inexplicably rude or say something inappropriate cross my mind multiple times a day now.
So far, I haven't acted upon any of these impulses, but I'm wondering if it's related to the fact that I'm going to die soon. Maybe I just DGAF anymore.
Also, here's a neat Wikipedia article on a relevant concept - the Imp of the Perverse: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Imp_of_the_Perverse
Can anyone else relate?
I think even mentally healthy people contemplate what it would be like to cross the median on the freeway, but it's once in a blue moon. Not every day.
I'm not saying I contemplate exiting via a murder-suicidal car crash every day because I don't, but thoughts like that or the urge to be inexplicably rude or say something inappropriate cross my mind multiple times a day now.
So far, I haven't acted upon any of these impulses, but I'm wondering if it's related to the fact that I'm going to die soon. Maybe I just DGAF anymore.
Also, here's a neat Wikipedia article on a relevant concept - the Imp of the Perverse: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Imp_of_the_Perverse
Can anyone else relate?