illandlonely
just a little dumb
- Sep 6, 2024
- 33
Whenever I come across people I immediately get the vibe that they don't like me. I don't even need to talk, I don't even need to say anything. I just immediately know there's something about me they just don't like and find weird.
A part of me thinks it's transphobia, however, I kind of got the same vibes from others when I was masking my real gender in my teenage years. I don't know what it is but I'm pretty sure I just give bad vibes and I think that's why I'm lonely. People always seem to be so aggressive whenever they talk to me, so short tempered I just never seem to get a chance to relate to them.
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of living a life where in any situation I'm the odd one who is immediately hated. Maybe I deserve it? Maybe I should be hated? Maybe this is a way the world is telling me that I'm fucked up freak who shouldn't be here. Maybe it's all in my head and that impression on people is a projection of my own insecurities. Either way what I am feeling is real no matter what it's actually derived from, and that's what's seriously distressing.
I just don't want this pain. My whole life's been like this. I'm tired of it.
A part of me thinks it's transphobia, however, I kind of got the same vibes from others when I was masking my real gender in my teenage years. I don't know what it is but I'm pretty sure I just give bad vibes and I think that's why I'm lonely. People always seem to be so aggressive whenever they talk to me, so short tempered I just never seem to get a chance to relate to them.
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of living a life where in any situation I'm the odd one who is immediately hated. Maybe I deserve it? Maybe I should be hated? Maybe this is a way the world is telling me that I'm fucked up freak who shouldn't be here. Maybe it's all in my head and that impression on people is a projection of my own insecurities. Either way what I am feeling is real no matter what it's actually derived from, and that's what's seriously distressing.
I just don't want this pain. My whole life's been like this. I'm tired of it.