Venting I'm worried about the effect my death will have on my friend

[shotgun]

I have a friend I've met 3 years ago. Their last name starts with D so that's what I'm gonna call them. With hs ending, they've been trying their best to study and get good grades so they'll do good on their finals. The thing is, their mom doesn't see anything else other than 10, 9 and 8 as good grades from what I've heard. D has hurt themselves over grades in the past, although they're 1 year clean. Now that another test is coming for them they're worried that if they don't do good their mom will be dissapointed and they'll hurt themselves again.

I'm more than glad that they're comfortable enough to tell me about things like this, but I'm worried about how they'd react to my death if this is how they react to their mom being dissapointed. I sound so fucking selfish saying this. "If they're gonna cut when they get a bad grade what will happen when they find out about ME". Me, me, me. As if I matter. I don't get how my mind can be glad I'll be gone soon, make me hate myself but also make me selfish all at the same time. I hate how my brain works, I can't wait to end it all

 

[Izzo 5617]

Did no one else reply to this? Why can't I see their replies? You're not making it all about you!!?? This is a legitimate concern and the same one I have regarding leaving. I know for a fact people will be devastated. And yet I spend every day in agony and I simply can't see an alternative anymore.

 

[avoid]

I relate to your circumstance only to a small extent. But for what it's worth, I think there's a tipping point where your wish for death trumps your angst about hurting others. I don't mean to imply that you're not suicidal enough but that you care more for others than for yourself. Most would call this a good characteristic, albeit a hindrance to you in your search for death. Maybe you'll reach this tipping point one day and have the means to catch the bus. But if not, I hope you make the best of what you have and try to make life bearable.

 

[SVEN]

Not every situation can have a good outcome for all concerned. Either you'll be miserable enduring an existence which is a living hell because you are concerned about your friend's reaction to your death, or you'll end your misery and you'll never know how your friend reacted.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Not every situation can have a good outcome for all concerned. Either you'll be miserable enduring an existence which is a living hell because you are concerned about your friend's reaction to your death, or you'll end your misery and you'll never know how your friend reacted.

Sometimes this is where people stop and don't move any further with their plans, fear over how their friends or family will react to their passing when really, you'll never ever find out.

 

[MiMif]

Before you do it you could try talking them or you could leave a note if you feel that would calm your worries. I'm sure if their comfortable enough to tell you all of this you are right in thinking your death will effect them