I didn't see this this morning. Forgive me. I was dealing with a lot of… issues these past days. I am glad you are on here, as it shows you are working — as you stated — so hard to improve and to find yourself and your voice. I am on little bit of sleep, so half I shared won't make any sense.
We talked last time. I changed my profile, and honestly, I think I will begin doing so, as that is my way of communicating with you in a sense.
I just wish to share that we both have similar backgrounds. I literally have monophobia and have been without a true identity of support and communion for most of my life and I know how harder it can be to just wish to just find your peace when there hasn't been any.
I don't know how this progression shifted, but you mentioned a friend to a guy?
I'll start with the friendships part, because sadly all to familiar with this… trait of emotions and experiences to know more than enough to share my fair bargain of how I lived.
Being beautiful and loved by anything external is a big factor to this world and it is definitely true it equally plays into how you succeed in both friendships and relationships, too, aside of society and its mandatory benefits that gives you a better life.
I have been subjected to trauma for years with more ongoing pain always at my disposal and it's not easy and I don't know why people tell us it will get better, but it truly never does.
Friends are a huge priority to one's growth and external development within themselves even if they don't fully shape their overall personality and their self identity. Self worth is attributed by how people perceive us and is a pseudo affect of social integretation, and I can understand how overwhelming and compelling when someone damages that, like a home, you are left with bruises that are never visible to bandage up but to pick at, as I wasn't a victim of my self identity being manipulated by one's opinions of me but their actions towards my love for myself, and you secretly hold the same thing towards finding a freeing place to venture comfort and protection towards, a friend.
I'm deeply sorry and truly wish there were more, as I have lost so much, but I wish to say we are not much far apart from how we see things, especially in our need to self isolate.
As for their behaviors, it's a mentality of prying on the vulnerable to become superior and to gain access to things they can't get form anyone on top, and it's so disgusting…
It's traumatic how anyone must live to deal with such hardships and believe it is necessary for our growth, when in reality it's the very fact that we are villainized further that pushes us down into where we have been set up to a life of danger.
I can't say why he does that or why they have done that.
You and I were exposed to the worse humans who don't know to give or to receive the right way and only take and berate, and it's unfair…
I can't explain it, and I wished I could justify it further, but the reality is, you can't treat victims who treat you badly like victims further when they are seen as bad people who will hurt you and abuse you for their own gain.
Toxicity is what causes people to be the way that they are, and at this point, it feels like the only way out is the most heartbreaking choice of all for some, and what lies when you recognize you aren't the problem, and SaSu won't leave you.
We promise that…
We will respect you and your story, your life, but equally your choice in how you hurt, because peace comes from love and compassion, and I choose to give you the respect you never had.
I hope all of this made sense.
Take care
