Venting I'm trying to find reasons to live but I keep losing them

[Breadbfra]

I'm 21. Chronically severely depressed and I get help only with K treatments.
I'm a baker too, and that's what makes me be a little bit happier.
But my depression doesn't allow me to work. I've tried multiple times, I've tried everything, drinking 3 or 4 coffees in the morning, I still get extremely tired in a few hours or I'll burst in tears.
I moved to France from Italy and I'm already burned out from work and I've worked 9 hours. i'm stuck in bed crying.
I basically left my super performing family company to pursue my dreams. Everyday I try to fucking live, to make sense of my life but I've nowhere reached the point where I can say "I'm satisfied".
At this point I don't know what am I supposed to do. Break my girlfriend's heart forever and made her go through a second suicide, make my mother suffer. Either way there's someone suffering forever.

 

[Ghost2211]

I can relate to that feeling. I'm generally not a happy or satisfied person, but I do have happy times. I don't think everyone is wired to be a happy person. It certainly is being between a rock and a hard place to not want to suffer, but also not want to devastate others.

 

[Breadbfra]

I can relate to that feeling. I'm generally not a happy or satisfied person, but I do have happy times. I don't think everyone is wired to be a happy person. It certainly is being between a rock and a hard place to not want to suffer, but also not want to devastate others.

Honestly, what's the point in living if what you're doing is balancing between damage everyone forever and keep suffering your whole life

 

[KolK]

I'm sorry to hear this. It is very brave for you to keep trying to find reasons to live. I wish I had your courage.

 

[Breadbfra]

I'm sorry to hear this. It is very brave for you to keep trying to find reasons to live. I wish I had your courage.

I wish had the courage to leave this place. Thank you, by the way, I wish you the best

 

[WornOutLife]

My depression doesn't allow me to do anything too.
I feel YOU!! You can count on me for whatever you want.

Send you lots of hugs and love and wish you peace!

 

[Breadbfra]

My depression doesn't allow me to do anything too.
I feel YOU!! You can count on me for whatever you want.

Send you lots of hugs and love and wish you peace!

You can count on me too! Nice to see you here again :)

 

[KolK]

I wish had the courage to leave this place. Thank you, by the way, I wish you the best

At least you get to eat good food as a baker. I don't even make enough to put 3 meals on the table. :(

 

[Breadbfra]

At least you get to eat good food as a baker. I don't even make enough to put 3 meals on the table. :(

Believe me, the only thing that feeds me is my upper middle class mother. Sending hugs

 

[heraclitus]

Honestly, what's the point in living if what you're doing is balancing between damage everyone forever and keep suffering your whole life

A truer word was never said. That's exactly how I feel.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

dissatisfaction with life is cruel, especially when there seems to be no end in sight and you don't feel good about making progress. I sympathize, this is a rough situation