I’m trying my best but it’s fucking tough living a life without purpose or dreams.

[Waiting for death]

Although it's extremely hard I work fours hours, I'm making a huge effort and I don't feel productive in my day. I always have thoughts and feelings that nothing won't work in my life. Since I lost my opportunity to work as a programmer for Google, I stopped dreaming and nothing makes sense for me.

Although Google, Meta or whatever hire me or not, it won't change my mind about ending my life. Living is a torture for me. I thank God I'm strong enough to pretend that I'm a normal person. I have almost six weeks to live, I'm thinking about to buy cyanide potassium or maybe trying hanging if I don't find cyanide or caustic soda . I'm sure I will die next month. I won't leave any note coz I hate drama.

I tried and I'm still trying, but I'm quite sure of what I want, I want end all my suffering and maybe find some sort of peace .

 

[daydreams]

Only you can decide whether life is worth living or not
We support your decision

 

[vuberpoot1]

Even if you feel sure of what you want, I still think it's okay to feel the way you do. I've also had my fair share of constant failures, let-downs, and rejections, and I can't say I was so optimistic about my future during those times. But, when recovering from those times, I think one good way to rebuild is to set smaller goals for yourself to attain throughout the days, weeks, months, and years. It sounds like trying to work for Google would be a really, really difficult goal to attain- yet, you sound like you were pretty close to making it. Of course, I'm a total stranger on the internet, but I have a feeling that you're more capable than you might believe.

I wish you the best, and stay safe, friend.

 

[Waiting for death]

Only you can decide whether life is worth living or not
We support your decision

Life is a complete waste of time, thank you.

 

[stoiccactus]

I worked for a big company like Google or Meta and trust me, it doesn't make life any easier.