Venting I’m trying my absolutely best to live

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

In trying so hard to get better. Taking 5 different medications. Stopped drinking. Going to therapy. Trying to spend time with friends even when I don't want to. So why do I keep coming back to this place? Why can't I just get better. I'm tired of throwing on this mask. Yes my friends know I struggle. One (also has similar struggles) calls Bull shit on me when I'm trying to lie and say I'm ok. Right now the only thing that is helping is getting high. I want to open up my thigh. I'd feel better if I did but I'm trying not to cut. Trying to do this healthily. Gave up drinking gave up cutting now I just smoke Weed and drink caffeine (yes it's a concerning amount sometimes as much as 1500mg a day but it could be worse). I'm even back in college and getting physical exercise and everything was going great for a while and then boom back to depression back to mania it's such a viscous cycle and I just want it to end.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

It takes a while to get better. Honestly it mostly just comes out of nowhere/when you least expect it.
I wish you luck for your recovery, I am proud of you

 

[Mirrory Me]

I am not mental health professional, but those things sound like they don't lead you anywhere- taking different medications will fuck up your health, and spending time with friends won't do anything good if you don't have enough common or the same goals in life. Therapy is ok, but the other person isn't the best doctor for your own mental health. Stopping drinking is good- I decided to do that also but I still use other things that are healthier for me. There is also lots of more you can invest in life.

 

[Hollowman]

Five psych drugs? That very well could be a big part of the problem.

 

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

Five psych drugs? That very well could be a big part of the problem.

I was way worse off of them. I had severe mania and was having multiple suicide attempts. Now I am more stable but I still get like this it's just not every day now c